Second Eurovision Semi-Final Recap ¹¹²

by Wiwi Bloggs • Eurovision News • Tags: Eurovision 2009, second semi-final recap

Wiwi live blogged the second Eurovision semi-final on May 14. You can read the transcript below, and you can read Wiwi’s live blog of the first semi-final here. It really was a cultural Chernobyl! xoxo, Wiwi

7:35pm: Hello, Europe! Dobry vecher Moscow! London calling. Wiwi has his earplugs, his painkillers and his semi-final scorecard. Bring on the bad music!

7:40pm: Remember, only countries performing in tonight’s semi-final (along with France, Russia and Spain) will be voting to determine who advances. Given the large number of Balkan, Eastern European and former Soviet states in this heat, this is good news for countries like Albania and Moldova who may not play well with Western audiences. Wiwi is convinced that Norway will not win this semi-final (despite the hype surrounding him). Even so, Norway will obviously contend in the final.

7:45pm: With the exception of Norway, all the best acts go in the second half of tonight’s show. Drain your lizard + powder your nose earlier in the night so you can sit through the second half sans interruption!

8pm: Here we go! There is some serious flash photography going on. They need a seizure disclaimer!

Bizarre opening performance by local Moskva dancers. Cossack kick-line to ABBA’s Waterloo with accordion accompaniment. A what-the-f*ck of epic proportions.

8:06pm: First up is Croatia. Igor just sang: “Bio sam oblak lebdio/ Ni sunca nisam vidio /Tebe čekao/ Bog te je meni poslao.” That means “Don’t judge the quality of our song. We’re gorgeous. Vote Croatia!” Duh.

Hmm. Wiwi thinks the blonde has the voice of an angel, but the face of an alligator.

8:10pm: Ireland with “Et Cetera.” This feels like a Junior Eurovision Song. Don’t you feel the pubescent angst? Still, and Wiwi hates to admit it, it’s catchy, fun, bouncy, teeney-bopper, etc. (Get it? OMG, Wiwi is, like, totes on point tonight).

They’re the only rocker chicks in the whole competition–that must turn some voters on?

8:14pm: Latvia is represented by Intars Busulis. He’s singing not in English…not in Latvian…but in Russian! Think he’s begging Mother Russia for some votes? Probably smart. Tonight’s semi is loaded with former USSR states. “Probka” means traffic jam. This sounds more like a car crash.

In other news, Russia spent $30 million euros putting on Eurovision this year. Something tells me governments across Europe have their fingers crossed their entry loses!!

8:18pm: Serbia. The title of this song is “Cipela,” which means Shoe.

The ballet dancer is a fourth-year philosophy student at the University of Belgrade. I’m sure she’d tell you there’s a categorical imperative to vote for her or something, but Eurovision don’t speak Kant, mmmkay!

Obese Serbian man with a blonde Afro and a leather-clad sidekick playing the accordian while said ballerina sits in a split for no apparent reason next to them. I kind of love it.

8:22pm: Now we have Lidia Kopania from Poland. This song is called “I Don’t Wanna Leave.”

Um, sweet Lidia, Wiwi needs you to leave. This is boring. Nice make-up though. Go home knowing you’re a sex bomb.

Some of you on Wiwi’s message board actually like this song?? I like the staging. Simple. Clean. And this chick is hot. But the song is so boring!!!

8:23pm: Norway is about to take the stage. Teen girls around the world swoon. Malta’s Chiara Siracusa has publicly stated that Norway’s act reminds her of Harry Potter. Is that because it’s magical or because Alex  looks like a goblin?

Alex turned 23 yesterday. He was born in Belarus. Will he thank the audience (and all those Russian viewers) with a big spasibo at the end of this thing? Votes, Alex. Think of the votes!

The cameraman is crap. We want to see the Cossack aerobics in the background. Three men doing push ups and bouncing.

This is a fantastic performance, but the song is totes repetitive. And he didn’t say spasibo! Rude!

8:31pm: Cyprus is up. Christina is only 17 and looks so fragile….I hope she doesn’t break anything. This song is about the “firefly.” Fireflies are so ugly!!! Wiwi does not vote for insects.

For a moment Wiwi was worried she would jump off that box.

Anyway, that was a mature performance despite all the pitch problems. Really effective and simple staging. Wiwi just wishes the song wasn’t so crap! (You’ll get 12 points from Greece, dahling).

8:35pm: Slovakia. Wiwi spent a summer in Slovakia and he can’t remember the music scene. At all. Hmmm….but boy did they have some nice pork!

Oh, sh*t. Wiwi just bet 20 pounds on Cyrpus making the final. Bloody Internet + pressure from a friend! What is Wiwi thinking?!?! Luckily Greece and Albania are voting tonight so she’ll get a few points.

8:38pm: Slovakia. Was that a love song or a marital row? Too much screaming.

8:40pm: Denmark. He’s hot. This song is fantastic. Wiwi can’t think of anything bitchy to say. What is going on?!?!

8:45pm: Slovenia. Woman locked in a lightbox/tanning bed is singing. It’s just so generic. “Love Symphony.” Blah. And she finally emerges! With only one minute left.

8:49pm: It’s Hungary‘s turn. Adok Zoli has performed in musicals like Cats and Fame. He’s currently starring in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Phantom of the Opera back in Budapest.

Whoa. A grafiti artist appears to have thrown-up on his costume. The colors and the song are giving me a headache. BUT, Wiwi’s readers seem to be hungry for Hungary. He’s currently fifth in Wiwi’s search for Eurovision’s Next Top Male Model

“In the middle of the night we dance until we’re sore. Dance with me!” WTF??! You need to give me some ibuprofen first.

8:51pm: Azerbaijan is up. Arash is Azeri-Iranian but grew up in Sweden. He’s got those Scando-votes on lockdown! AySel is smoking (they don’t call Azerbaijan the Land of Fire for nothing). Wiwi keeps thinking of AySel’s quote when she arrived in Moscow.“We will set the stage on fire in every way you can imagine it, that I can promise.” Move the kerosene!

“I believe I’m addicted to you?” You need to get a restraining order on him.

I really enjoyed that. I’d buy it on iTunes. Is there an Azeri iTunes store?

8:55pm: It’s Greece, baby! Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. And boy is this man a gift to us all. Look at him. 100% muscle. And not a

single hair follicle on that chest (seriously, the costume is totally meant to expose all his assets). Here are some pics of sweet Sakis.

Those white pants are like a cheap hotel!! NO BALLROOM!!

Amazing Michael Jackson-inspired lean. Wow. Thank goodness they remembered to unlock the braces.

9pm: Lithuania is up. He tickles the ivories and the fancy of women throughout Europe. He’s currently dominating Wiwi’s search for Eurovision’s Next Top Male Model

I’m really not into this song. But he’ll probably go through.

OH MY GOD, his hand is on FIRE! crazy?!

9:03pm: Time for Moldova. Wiwi no speaka this language. Is she screaming in pleasure or pain? (Oh, wait, one of you has emailed Wiwi to say it is Romanian. And another one of you has e-mailed to say your Scandinavian neighbors are laughing because the title of this song, Hora Din, translates as ‘your hoe’ in Swedish or Norwegian).

This is catchy, but I think a few cats just died. Shrieking, even to a good beat, is still shrieking.

This is like Norway’s performance. But on crack cocaine.

9:06pm: Albania. Goodness, Is Cliche the capital of Albania? “I close my eyes and you are there.” “Take my love, take my heart.” Puh-leaze! Take her away!

She is 16 years old. Wearing a tutu that short should be illegal!! And standing in front of the wind machine? Deliberate methinks. Deliberate.

Okay, looks like we have an intermission now. Entertain yourself with this video of reactions from the first semi-final.

9:11pm: Ukraine‘s Svetlana Loboda has appeared in some coffee commercials. Maybe that’s why she is so stimulating! Or it could be these insanely hot backup dancers. And apparently she believes in safe sex, because said muscle men are dressed as Trojans.

She calls those three things hell machines, but they look like hamster wheels.

WHOA–muscled dudes just swung her 360 degrees in a circle. She must have smelled the stage floor with that one!

Is she actually playing those drums?!?

The announcer just called her a “stripper in a hamster wheel.” Well that stripper just had the performance of the night! AMAZING.

9:16pm: Estonia‘s lead singer totally looks like Lily Allen. This song is really similar to Russia’s entry this year. Will be interesting to see how they stack up against each other if Estonia makes the final.

9:20pm: The Netherlands. Wiwi has not seen so many sequins since his high school prom. It looks like a drag queen blew up!

Looks like another intermission. Why don’t you watch this video of Norway’s Alexander Rybak singing Jason Mraz.

9:30pm: Apparently the Ukrainian entry mortgaged her house to build that set. OMG, that breaks Wiwi’s heart. Serioiusly, vote Ukraine + her Trojans!

9:32pm: Graham Norton is an idiot. He just said that Andrew Lloyd Webber was a perv for thinking that Turkey has a chance to win. Andrew is right. Turkey was AMAZING Tuesday, despite battling an infectious skin condition.

9:37pm: “amaaal” has written Wiwi to say: “U liked Greece? He was so orange, all I was thinking was: oh how great of greece to senda  person of color.” Now that I think about it, Greece’s staging and technology was greater than he was.

9:40pm: A lot of you are commenting that Hungary had the worst performance of the night. Wiwi agrees, but still hopes he advances. It’s classic Europop!

It’s gonna be a few minutes till we have results. Here are some commercials of Greece’s Sakis Rouvas selling stuff.

9:46pm: BBC is interviewing Malta’s Chiara. She’s going on about how she hopes to win after two tries already. She was nervous when she took the stage Tuesday. And Finland’s Waldo’s People are there. They perform after Jade Ewen on Saturday and want to give Andrew Lloyd Webber a high-five they say.

9:48pm: Okay, they’re going to announce the results….

1. AZERBAIJAN Yes!

2. CROATIA. Um, Balkan bloc = power. That song was horrible.

3. UKRAINE. Dancers have put on their clothes. Shame. Svetlanta looks so relieved. Sweet.

4. LITHUANIA

5. ALBANIA. Flamingo dancer in a tutu.

6. MOLDOVA

7. DENMARK

8. ESTONIA / LILY ALLEN

9. NORWAY (all Scandos qualified!)

10. GREECE How are those results random?? They saved Norway and Greece for last. Crazy. I was so nervous.