Susan Boyle Advances to Final of Britain’s Got Talent

Susan BoyleSusan Boyle, Britain’s Hairy Angel, advanced to the finals of Britain’s Got Talent on Sunday evening, overcoming challenges from a group of street dancers, a troupe of belly dancers and an obligatory Asian violinist (female).

“Absolutely fabulous,” Boyle said when asked by hosts Ant and Dec how she felt about her victory. She then wiggled her hips and sent a shout-out to her new BFF Piers Morgan. “This one’s for you Piers. Piersy, baby!”

Boyle sang Memory from the musical Cats. Despite a rather shaky start, she recovered and earned rapturous applause.

“I just want people to see me for who I am, and do my best at singing the song, that’s what I am focusing on,” she said ahead of tonight’s semi-final. But she had obviously gotten a new lick of paint, as her grey locks had been dyed dark chocolate and she traded her homely mumu for a sparkly-beaded number.

If the lyrics to Memory are any indication, she’s feeling her new look. “If you touch me you’ll understand what happiness is,” she sang. Will I? Will I really?

The semi-final confirmed that Britain’s Got Talent is no longer a competition, but instead a marketing vehicle to transform Susan Boyle the Homely Cow into Susan Boyle the Cash Cow. If you listen to her performance below, its got some serious flaws (hello, the entire first minute). But none of the judges dare to criticize her. “You are one special lady,” the normally acid-tongued Simon Cowell said during his critique. “I just want to apologize because of the way we treated you before you sang the first time.”