Eurovision’s Next Top Male Model: Elimination #1 1

by Wiwi Bloggs • Polls • Tags:

During the first week of competition to determine Eurovision’s Next Top Male Model, a total of 1,136 votes were cast. Wiwi has reviewed the results with several top modeling agencies. Together, they’ve decided which men can stay in the competition—and which men need to go! Let’s begin.

Twenty-three mostly attractive men stand before Wiwi. But Wiwi only has 21 photos in his hands. These 21 photos represent the men who are still in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Male Model.  I will now call out your name in the order that you finished, citing the number of votes and the percentage of votes that you received.

First place this week goes to Poland, Marcin Mrozinski:

Marcin, judging from Wiwi’s comments page, you are driving Eurovision fans crazy and they are going into heat for you! As you can read below, Natalia is keen to see photographs of your kielbasa. This, of course, would be inappropriate, so Wiwi won’t post them. But I’ll be happy to give you Natalia’s email address ; ) Congratulations. You’re still in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Male Model.

Second place this week goes to Norway, Didrik Solli-Tangen:

Didrik, your fans have accused Wiwi of choosing a bad photograph of you as part of some conspiracy to sabotage your changes. I didn’t. But to appease them I’m going to change your image tomorrow. Can you send me something cute by clicking here? Thanks. And congratulations. You’re still in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Male Model.

Didrik may be cute, but he’s not sitting pretty. He’s got competition. He only leads the man in third place by 16 votes. Who is it?

Israel, Harel Skaat.

Now, Harel, Wiwi is kind of shocked by your placement. For months your fans have been messaging Wiwi and saying how hot you are. But when it’s time to vote, when it’s time to ask all of Europe who is the hottest man at Eurovision, you’re only in third place? What is up with that? People of Israeli: y’all need to log on and vote so Wiwi does not look stupid for asking if Harel Skaat is the sexiest Eurovision contestant ever in a previous post. Congratulations. You’re still in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Male Model.

It’s really a three-person race at this point, as there’s a HUGE drop in votes for the contestants who finished between fourth and 18th place this week.

But the real losers this week are those who finished in the bottom five. Wiwi can look at some of you and tell that you aren’t cut out to be a model. But could y’all at least post a link to this poll on Facebook or something and have your friends vote for you? I mean, honestly! If Denmark’s Thomas N’evergreen had asked his partner Chaneé to vote for him he could have doubled his votes. Sad. The bottom five this are:

Madis Kubu: you only received one vote this week. Plus there’s another Estonian in this contest. You need to go. I’m sorry, but you’re no longer in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Model. I need you to return to the loft, pack your bags, and go home. If you don’t, you’ll be deported.

Michael von der Heide, please step forward. A lot of Wiwi’s readers have said that your ears resemble those of Dumbo. This is cruel and childish, and you’ve handled the criticism with dignity and grace and have delivered a preview video that minimizes said ears. Congratulations. You’re still in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Male Model.

Robin: You’ve just watched your countryman fall. Wiwi cannot inflict any more pain on the Estonian people. You’re safe. Congratulations. You’re still in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Male Model.

Would Denmark and Belarus please step forward.

Wiwi only has one photo in his hands. And this photo represents the man who is still in the running to become Wiwi’s Next Top Eurovision’s Next Top Male Model. The person whose name I do not call must immediately return to the loft, pack his things and go home. If he doesn’t, immigration will be called and he will be deported.

Artyom: When Wiwi did his google image search of you, nothing came up. There were no photos. Wiwi had to use a screen grab of your Eurovision video for this competition. Being Eurovision’s Next Top Male Model means having cameras in front of you ALL the time. If you don’t have any history of that, how can Wiwi trust you with the title?

Tomas:  The bookies have listed you as a favorite to win Eurovision. But you only received ONE vote during the first week of competition. This has Wiwi worried that your reputation as a performer isn’t enough to sustain you as a model.

So who goes home?

I’m sorry, Belarus. I just don’t think you have what it takes. Plus I saw these shirtless photos of Tomas and realized that he totally has what it takes to be a male model!