It’s the nation responsible for some of the world’s biggest music hits. Yet strangely enough, we rarely hear new material from the United Kingdom’s former Eurovision acts.

More often than not, they perform poorly at the contest and then drift into irrelevance. But over recent weeks and months, there’s been a number of releases from the Brits. Let’s take a listen.

Nicki French “Teardrops (On The Disco Floor)”

She’s the Eurovision 2000 singer who first rose to fame with her disco take on Bonnie Tyler’s mega-hit “Total Eclipse Of The Heart”. And twenty-odd years later, Nicki French is still flogging the disco genre for all it’s worth. Only nowadays she’s nowhere near the top of the Billboard charts.

“Teardrops (On The Disco Floor)” acts as a follow-up to French’s perfectly passable 2015 single “This Love”. However, whereas that was an unabashed celebration of LGBT rights, it’s hard to know what to make of this latest release.

Is it serious? Is it parody? What exactly is an exorcism of love? Why is Nicki wearing a woolly cardigan on the dance floor — is she not awfully hot? And why do her default dance moves consist of waving and milking a giant invisible cow?

If you’re after a retro song contest star doing disco with a modern twist, ABBA’s Agnetha Fältskog is a much better bet. As for poor Nicki’s effort — all together now — don’t play that song again!

Simon Webbe “Nothing Without You”

He’s famous for being a quarter of Blue — one of the most successful British boybands of the early 2000s. But away from the Eurovision 2011 group, Simon Webbe also enjoys a moderately successful solo career. Despite their age, tracks like “Coming Around Again” and “No Worries” still sound relatively fresh. Now after a decade, “Nothing Without You” sees him on his own once more.

Inspired by his love for fiancé Ayshen Kemal, the track is basically what it says on the tin — Simon is nothing without Ayshen. We’ve heard similar sentiments countless times before, and the smooth R&B sound isn’t distinct enough to elevate the message.

His LP Smile drops in October.

The Fizz “Dancing In The Rain”

They’re the bubblegum pop group that have been putting the drama into Eurodrama since 1981. After over three decades of skirt-ripping, feuds, line-up changes and the occasional hit, Bucks Fizz, or rather The Fizz, are releasing new music once more.

As Bobby G holds the copyright to the Bucks Fizz name, the other three Eurovision-winning members Mike Nolan, Cheryl Baker, and Jay Aston simply go by The Fizz. Together with Bobby McVay, they’re putting the final touches to their upcoming album the The F-Z Of Pop — the first LP from any iteration of the group since the 1980s.

“Dancing In The Rain” — not to be confused with Ruth Lorenzo’s 2014 Spanish entry — acts as the record’s lead single. Purely one for existing fans, it’s as if the intervening years never happened. The gang sing of overcoming adversity as if it were 1985 all over again. Like with Nicki’s effort, this too sounds dated. However, it benefits from stronger production values courtesy of Mike Stock — he of Stock Aitken Waterman fame.

Katie Price “I Got U”

She’s perhaps the best known British national finalist to never actually make it to Eurovision. But if you thought Katie Price’s singing career ended with her infamous 2005 defeat to Javine, you’d be wrong.

Back in June, the glamour model turned reality star turned TV panellist attempted to revive her neglected profession with the release of “I Got U”. Unfortunately for the artist formerly known as Jordan, the track has received an almost universal panning from most major media outlets, with the tabloids gleefully reporting on her live mishaps.

Strip away the headlines, and you’re left with a fairly anonymous electro-pop song sung by someone who sounds nothing like Pricey. Modern technology really does work wonders.

What do you think? Which track is your favourite? Let us know in the comments below.

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alan
alan
6 years ago

and Olivia Newton John

The Tigg
The Tigg
6 years ago

To say that The Fizz sounds dated is a bit of a bold statement. I mean, I wouldn’t expect them to come back with a techno stomper as it would alienate their fanbase. It’s like saying, why hasn’t Nicki French dabbled in Death Metal by now?

Dancing in the Rain is a classic track and I wish The Fizz all the best.

The Tigg
The Tigg
6 years ago

I still beg to differ when you say they sound dated. They have updated their style since their 80s heyday! But yeah ok, Celine Dion has a plethora of songwriters clambouring over her and a shed load of money to throw into production. The Fizz pledgemusic’d their campaign, something that Wiwibloggs didn’t give a toss about covering, although being the millenials you are, you covered the fact about Emillie DeForest pledgemusic’s attempt.

Try and write an article which doesn’t put down UK talent sometime.

The Tigg
The Tigg
6 years ago

The simple fact is, you don’t give enough exposure to pre-2004 ESC and that is sad.

This is supposed to be a Eurovision website.

If you do basically a negative report about something, people just won’t be bothered to comment or read.

This whole article was just to be bitter towards the United Kingdom as it is a truly negative affair.

The Tigg
The Tigg
6 years ago

That is your opinion that the songs are bad. To then go and disclose this is very unprofessional in my opinion.

Therefore I shall no longer hold any of your posts on this blog with any merit.

Tell you what, you still have a worthwhile career 36 years later and we’ll talk.

Azaad
Azaad
6 years ago

Given her continued west end success (she was in the wedding singer last month), it seems that Lucie is the only British act to enjoy post Eurovision success.

The Tigg
The Tigg
6 years ago
Reply to  Azaad

Hmmm, are we forgetting the success that Gina G had, albeit a short one, Bucks Fizz, Brotherhood of Man, Cliff Richard, Lulu, Sandie Shaw, Mary Hopkin, Jade Ewan….the list goes on and on.