Malta Eurovision Song Contest 2018 act Eleanor sings “I took every word you said like a bullet to the head”. And shots certainly were fired with the release of the lyric videos for the 16 competing acts of the Maltese national final.

Fans were quick to notice some of the more memorable lyrics from the competing songs. In less than a month we’ll hear all the songs performed live at the national final, but until then here are nine of the lyrical gems from the Malta Eurovision Song Contest 2018.

1. Aidan – “Old Tony said there’s a new girl in town”

Old Tony said

There's a new girl in town

Who, we wonder, is Old Tony? Does he sit around the streets of Valletta with a cigar in one hand, bottle of cheap whiskey in the other, keeping a lookout for new arrivals? Should we alert the authorities?

2. Matthew Anthony – “We don’t cuddle”

We don't cuddle

If there’s ever been a more devastating sign of the end of a relationship, it’s this. Hugs 2 u, m8.

3. Christabelle – “These demons have broken my goal”

These demons have broken my goal

We get what Christabelle is saying, but this sounds like a description of an unexpectedly aggressive game of backyard football.

4. Brooke – “You’re a pack of wolves with a heart of gold”

You're a pack of wolves

With a heart of gold

What does Brooke mean by this? Is she talking about someone who is as vicious as a pack of wolves but unlike wolves this person also has a good-natured heart of gold? Or is she saying the person is like a golden-hearted pack of wolves? Or is Brooke addressing a literal pack of wolves who have somehow acquired an actual heart made of gold? And why a whole pack of wolves? This song asks more questions than it answers.

5. Danica – “I’m bleeding”

I'm bleeding

Oh babes, sorry to hear that.

6. Brooke – “Yeah, you pack a punch like a wrecking ball”

Yeah you pack a punch

Like a wrecking ball

A literally heavy-handed metaphor if ever there was one. We wonder, does this person and their power fist have a lucrative career in the demolition industry? And is there a tiny naked Miley Cyrus riding on their knuckles?

7. Matthew Anthony – “Does your body still remember my bed?”

Does your body still

Remember my bed?

Is it a particularly memorable bed? Is it soft yet supportive, with smooth Egyptian cotton sheets? Or is it a lumpy old futon that should have been thrown out years ago? This is important.

8. Miriana – “You like drama”

You like drama

We’re actually just putting this here for future meme reference.

9. Brooke – “And that shirt won’t get you laid tonight”

And that shirt

Won't get you

Laid tonight

That one won’t, but this one might:

READ MORE EUROVISION LISTS

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Anu
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WeiBbrot lol. I loved my visit here.

Frank
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I like the Aidan version of the song.

David
Guest

“These demons have broke my goal”. It is the best inspirational song for me.

Niki
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Niki

Actually, I hope Brooke, Christabelle or Deborah C won’t win, ’cause I want them to see representing Malta and achieve a good result.. I think they all would stuck in the semi final this year..

DarkpassionPlay
Guest
DarkpassionPlay

The only song i liked was “Eleanor – Back to Life” but i dunno why this song sounds sooo familiar to me… i just cant quite remember where did i heard that melody before….

Pabs
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Pabs

Malta , please vote for Song for Dad only decent song and i could see this in the top 3 in Lisbon final. Forza Malta from the UK.

AngieP
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AngieP

Interesting article.
The only weird lyric I noticed when I listened to the songs is Matthew’s “Does your body remember my bed”.
Also, I didn’t notice Brooke has some weird lyrics too.

esc freak
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esc freak

Hahaha great job, Robyn!

Glenn 22
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Glenn 22

The levels this year have really plummeted. It is unfair to blame the artists for this because they are not the songwriters. They have been offered songs (with the most horrendous and unbelievably embarrassing lyrics in a national selection) and all they do is sing them. There are also some good songs with meaningful lyrics like Song for Dad and a few more. Most songs sound like they are rejects from the songwriter’s bottom drawer, but probably deemed good enough to keep a Maltese artist happy. Sad. Because there are some great artists. I usually like most songs from Malta… Read more »

EscAU
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EscAU

do european people who don’t speak english (most people) understand songs when they listen to it or just hear the music? cause when I hear the songs in french and serbian I’m just like ‘hmm nice mouth sounds at different pitches good melody’ 😀 brooke’s song is a banger!! also dai laga dai laga dai laga just sounds like muri&mario’s to stjerner from dmgp 2016 nej nej

jawnbc
Guest
jawnbc

Most of these are literature compared to “Breathlessly”, which featured cringeworthy lyrics that made little sense.

esc1234
Guest
esc1234

no one cares about brookes song aka what borislav milanov has forgotten in his mac, song for dad has a very intresting concept and its descent, i can see this going top 10 at Lisbon

big Joe
Guest
big Joe

i was really hoping for a quality song from `brooke but got seriousl disappointed. `an average attempt to a radio song which is extremely generic but if it had good lyrics at least it would have been bearable. the lyrics are really bad. i was also hoping for something great from christabelle but what `i have now nicknamed the `Demons Breaking Goals song is equally disappointing. Might work for Malta but not for an international level. I find the lyrics totally laughable. some other hilarious lyrics from Mark Anthony and the Im Bleeding from Danica had me in fits. But… Read more »

Joe
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Joe

I kinda like the Old Tony bit. Some cool lyrical detail. The rest is garbage, and below par for a country that loves Eurovision so much. With Portugal and Finland having won in the last fifteen years, Malta are now the country who’ve gone the longest without a first victory, and they need an Ira Losco/Chiara-level song to get them even close again. I can’t see any of their songs making it past the semis, sadly, save for maybe “Song for Dad” (a shoo-in to win the national finals).

Pablo
Guest
Pablo

I’m kinda sitting here like “Boris, wtf. Wtf, Boris?” #PackOfWolves

Pablo
Guest
Pablo

Although, being a contrarian, the shirt line is actually nice.

M_K
Guest
M_K

As I said before, most of the lyrics are just random compilations of words that are supposed to sound interesting.

There are two very common strategies among (lazy) songwriters:

1) Making a list of senseless metaphors or similes in order to describe someone (“I’m a sailboat on a lonely sea, I’m the lemon in your tea, I’m a bird in the sky up high, I’m just a stranger passing by”)

2) Mashing up contradictions (“You’re heaven and hell, just like an icicle during summertime, you’re my demon and you’re my angel, ooooh I love you”)

Colin
Guest
Colin

Having lyric videos just helped to emphasize the fact that most of them are badly written. Just pair the obvious rhymes, even if it doesn’t have sense to the story. For example, I don’t think that Christabelle even knows what ”taboo” means. Taboo is something not to be spoken about. The way her song goes, she says we need to talk about something forbidden before we become ”animals” or ”criminals”. Aren’t criminals the ones breaking the social taboos? What kind of taboos would make us become less violent? Is it repressed sexuality? Repressed anger? What is it? Never said. But… Read more »

Pablo
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Pablo

I mean, it could mean that, if we don’t tackle the taboo, we will never improve ourselves and have a mindset that would cause damage and be erratic, like animals?

Eh, spitballing

Sam
Guest
Sam

It says in the write up that Taboo is all about Mental Helath and topics that are taboo currently but we need to talk about. Given that people don’t talk about mental health and talk about it is generally looked down upon, it works with the title.

Christabelle
Guest
Christabelle

Dear Colin, I know exactly what TABOO is, I wrote the lyrics so I would know. There is a problem in the world we live in, because suffering from a type of mental illness is still frowned down upon in this world. Just like people are diagnosed with other physical diseases or conditions, it doesn’t mean that mental illnesses isn’t a condition in its own merit. People who are treated/ or helped by a psychiatrist or a psychologist, normally DO NOT talk about it, because other people would look down on that person, because he’s mentally not there. This is… Read more »

Colin
Guest
Colin

Dear Christabelle. Thank you very much for explaining it to me. I didn’t get it at first, but it does make sense when you put it like this. Awareness for mental illness is an important issue and it needs to be talked about. I am usually quick at seeing through metaphors, but I didn’t get it this time. It must be the “cheerleader effect” when hearing your song in a row with some truly badly written ones. Hearing it again makes me appreciate it more. My rating will certainly rise higher. I also very much appreciate the elaborate and polite… Read more »

Matthew ESC
Guest
Matthew ESC

I DIED at danica- im bleeding

Purple Mask
Guest
Purple Mask

Shameless advertising plug at the end of the article. Haha. :p
True story: Years ago a guy once messaged me in an online conversation writing: “I remember your bed.” Erm… Perhaps Matthew Anthony knows him?!

Lars AV
Guest
Lars AV

WORST LYRICS OF THE YEAR:

Is it Brook’s messy Pack of Wolves/Pack Punch/Heart of Gold/Shirt that won’t get laid ? OR is it Christabele’s mashed-up Rihanna/p!nk/we wonder whose else lyrics with sticks and stones will break my bones/ OOOPS soul/ Demons break my goals /Before we all become animals/That you see my life in foreign eyes/ Taboo ?
It’s really hard to choose who wins

SONG FOR DAD by Richard Edwards, and Eleonora BACK TO LIFE have the best entries this year. Clearly Malta needs to step up the game somehow.

John
Guest
John

To be fair – most songs are written by foreigners… wonder where all the other songwriters are?

Only Maltese lyricist in the mix is Muxu, Richard, Aidan, Rhianon, Brooke co-wrote their entries.

MTD
Guest
MTD

Just shows how messy this lineup is.

And as someone else note – why on Earth are we seeing these lyrics from a country where English IS one of their primary languages?

Belarus has a better English, written by their teams. Their accent is different tho, but still.

Malta, oh, Malta, f**k off. LOL

Polegend Godgarina
Guest
Polegend Godgarina

I’m scRIHming. Thank you for this article–we needed a collection of the messiest lyrics of the season! Christabelle’s lyrics especially were a mess, a kii and a cackle.

Simon
Guest
Simon

Robin please, Song for Dad is Extremen cheesy…the Wohle Songs are Reallöhne bad

Weißbrot
Guest
Weißbrot

When almost every song sounds like a 9th grade School Project lol.

MTD
Guest
MTD

Hahaha, correct!

Gobio
Guest
Gobio

XD Laughed really hard on this… Especially on Brooke. Sometimes I wonder how do this lyrics and metaphor combinations come from a country that English is one of their primary languages, if I am not mistaken…

Polegend Godgarina
Guest
Polegend Godgarina

The thing is English IS the primary language for most of the writers of these songs, but those messy things you see are just failed “acrobatics” in order to fill up the line. Exactly like when you hear “tonight” or “just” in all of P!nk’s songs–she needed one more note, so she threw in either of those words.

Jo
Guest
Jo

“THESE DEMONS HAVE BROKEN MY GOAL”
lol I didn’t notice this one loooool

Christabelle
Guest
Christabelle

Dear Jo,

Just to let you know, I have suffered from a type of mental illness, and the demons that I am referring to are the demons in my mind that are stopping me from achieving what I want in life hence what I meant by goal. I couldn’t be more direct, but this is what I meant to say when I wrote that.

Bart
Guest
Bart

I think Malta should look back at their old rules and allow the winner to change their song cause these songs are bad, plus the lyrics are atrocious.

AzeriChico
Guest
AzeriChico

Lol. This year’s Maltese selection is indeed terrible. I am surprised that so many people likes “Heart of Gold”. I mean those lyrics are just ridiculous. Perhaps they just support Brooke because of her previous attempts, but this is a song contest and her song isn’t good. :/ The only song I kinda liked was “Song for Dad”. I at least did not cringe listening to that unlike the other entries lol. Also I like their voices and the song has a very good message I think. 🙂

Polegend Godgarina
Guest
Polegend Godgarina

It’s not that they like Heart of Gold, it’s more like they already knew and loved Brooke so they just ‘like’ it based on that. Song for Dad is so winning this though, yeah.

ImpressiveInstants
Guest
ImpressiveInstants

I commend Malta for trying hard. They try harder than no other country to deliver quality, given their small nation. However nothing in this preselection sounds like a winner. MAAANY decent songs, but that doesn’t get you to win Eurovision.

Erasmus
Guest
Erasmus

Brooke’s lyrics are so horrible, what were she and her team thinking?

Polegend Godgarina
Guest
Polegend Godgarina

“Borislav Milanov, Dag Lundberg, Niklas Lif, Brooke Borg” — isn’t Borislav the dude behind Beautiful Mess and If Love Was a Crime? He gave poor Brooke one of his forgotten RIHjects from 2015…

Purple Mask
Guest
Purple Mask

If love WERE a crime…
Oh, limey looter!!

Weißbrot
Guest
Weißbrot

Uhm…Are you joking ?

Purple Mask
Guest
Purple Mask

Yes. Sorry, I should have made that clearer. x

Weißbrot
Guest
Weißbrot

Well, do I feel stupid now lol.

Purple Mask
Guest
Purple Mask

Sorry, hugs. x

The Poli Genova song “If love was a crime” had numerous jokes about it on Wiwibloggs in 2016. It was just a reminder of those. “Limey looter” is a mis-heard lyric from the song’s chorus. And “if love were a crime” is the grammatically accurate version of the title. :p