In an attempt to fight off post-Eurovision depression, we’ve been listening to the Eurovision 2018 entries and have discovered more of those “Wait, what?!” moments. Misheard lyrics are one of the joys of Eurovision, whether they’re caused by the singer not enunciating well enough or by the listener not really paying attention. We’ve put together a list of some of the best moments from Eurovision 2018.

If you’re the kind of person who always hears the correct lyrics when they listen to all the Eurovision songs, every time — hey, good for you! But it’s not so easy for the rest of us. Sometimes we hear things.

1. Austria: Cesár Sampson – “Nobody but You”

What we heard: Lord, I’m gonna get some hot tuna
Correct lyric: Lord, I’m gonna get so high tonight

Tuna is a versatile fish. It can be enjoyed raw — perhaps in sashimi or in a poke salad — or cooked. In Lisbon, several members of Team Wiwi enjoyed some hot tuna-steak burgers at a restaurant near Altice Arena. And it looks like Cesár Sampson also has a hankering for some of that fine Portuguese seafood.

2. Belarus: Alekseev – “Forever”

What we heard: We will go, Padraig, and I know you’ll be mine forever
Correct lyric: We will go for it and I know you’ll be mine forever

The Ukranian pop star evidently is so much of a fan of wiwibloggs deputy editor Padraig that he included a declaration of his desire in “Forever”. But where will they go? And what plans does Alekseev have for their life together? So many questions.

3. Romania: The Humans – “Goodbye”

What we heard: ‘Cause everyone deserves the power to go straight to hell
Correct lyric: ‘Cause everyone deserves the power to go straight ahead

The Humans’ song “Goodbye” is intended to be an uplifting, life-affirming message. But yet as the song enters its emotional climax, The Human suddenly proclaim that “everyone deserves the power to go straight to hell”. Well, ok. It’s good to keep your options open.

4. Portugal: Cláudia Pascoal – “O jardim”

What we heard: Ew, don’t cut the quiche
Correct lyric: Eu nunca te quis

Quiche is a delicious savoury egg tart. But maybe that’s the problem — it’s a little too delicious. Here Cláudia is expressing disgust that a quiche is about to be sliced up into individual portions. She apparently would like to keep the whole thing to herself. We can relate, but as far as delicious egg tarts go, you’d be more likely to hear us say “don’t cut the patel de nata!”

5. Israel: Netta – “Toy”

What we heard: I don’t care about you, Stefan baby
Correct lyric: I don’t care about your ‘stefa’, baby

Fans have long wondered who Netta was singing about when she said, “I’m not your toy, you stupid boy”. Just who was the stupid boy? But the answer can be found later in the song. It seems to be aimed at a fellow named Stefan. But just who is Stefan? What did he do to make Netta so mad? Was… Was Stefan a chicken?

6. Armenia: Sevak Khanagyan – “Qami”

What we heard: Kamil, Kamil
Correct lyric: Qami, qami

While Sevak’s “Qami” was the popular winner of the Armenian national final, there was still a lot of love for televote runner-up Kamil Show’s hot tune “Puerto Rico”. Sevak kindly paid tribute to the outrageous Miss Show by singing her name in the chorus of “Qami”.

7. San Marino: Jessika feat. Jenifer Brening – “Who We Are”

What we heard: Bullet from the moment we were born
Correct lyric: Bullied from the moment we were born

Jessika starts “Who We Are” with a bang. The song is loaded with attitude, as it proclaims the protagonists were a “bullet from the moment we were born”. Yeah, shooting attitude straight at ya. #bangbang 🔫 Obviously, the lyric is not about a newborn baby being bullied, because that would be super bleak, really depressing, and why didn’t someone call the authorities?

8. Czech Republic: Mikolas Josef – “Lie to Me”

What we heard: You should’ve thought about me back when I was in ‘Nam
Correct lyric: You should’ve thought about me back when I was your man

“Lie to Me” takes us on a lyrical journey, but amid all the spaghetti, the bop-whop-a-lu-bopping and moody camels, there’s a hint of something deeper. Mikolas sings, “You should’ve thought about me back when I was in ‘Nam”. Is he evoking an American GI, forgotten about by the folks back home as he fought in the Vietnam War? Or perhaps it’s the tale of a homesick backpacker, feeling lonely in his Hanoi hostel? A bop-whop-a-lu-bop indeed.

9. Ukraine: Mélovin – “Under the Ladder”

What we heard: Countdown‘s on, a love thing and I try
Correct lyric: Curtains down, I’m laughing at the trial

Countdown is a long-running British game show, where contestants solve tricky word and number puzzles. It’s said to be popular with older viewers, but it seems that it is also a favourite with a certain Ukraine pop goth. The porcelain vampire included an ode to his love of Countdown, noting that he tries to solve the puzzles.

10. Israel Netta “Toy”

What we heard: Dancing with my dolls on the motherf****** beat
Correct lyric: Dancing with my dolls on the MadaBaka Beat

Well, I was sitting down on my floral settee to watch the Eurovision. I had a hot cup of tea and I was thinking about when that nice Céline Dion won back in 1988. Then suddenly a young woman started singing something about “the mothef****** beat”. I gasped, clutched my pearls and spilt tea all over the sofa and all over Mr Fluffy’s tail. This never would have happened in the ’80s. Céline would never have made us think about mothef****** beats. *fans self*

What lyrics have you misheard? Share your favourites below!

Read more of our lists here

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46 Comments on "List: Don’t cut the quiche – 10 misheard lyrics of Eurovision 2018"

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AngieP
Guest

OMG! Number 10 is truly my favourite! I really thought Netta was singing the false lyrics. I had a similar problem with “Under the ladder”.

Alex
Guest

“Freeze the air, oh, win the air”

MusicIstheKey
Guest

Funny reading 🙂

Nico
Guest

Well, there are probably more misheard lyrics in the Ukrainian entry, since Melovin had much trouble with English pronunciation

Crazy
Guest

What I heard..
Belarus: There must be something that we call love, is when Ukraine went to say her name.

Israel: Hands are on my doge, motherf*cker f*cker b*tch

Russia: I WON’T BREAD

I must be crazy..

Curve
Guest

I thought of Belarus’ lyrics as:
“There must be something that we cola”

Alexis
Guest

“We will go, Padraig, and I know you’ll be mine forever” I actually heard it as “We will go boring, and I know you’ll be mine forever”.

Curve
Guest

I want breaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad

Guayyy (We Got Love). It means ‘cool’ in Spanish

Jo.
Guest

“There’s a seizure and it’s got to be me”.

Joseph
Guest

Portugal’s killed me

Tom
Guest

ha I am actually going on Countdown 😛

Joe
Guest

Every time I think I’ve misheard the lyrics in Taboo it turns out those are the actual lyrics.

Lurpak
Guest

I still heard this in Lost and Found:
“Have you ever thought about it, we went too far there is no Rybak, no Rybak~”

Maya G
Guest

‘Stefa’ is Hebrew slang for ‘a wad of cash’.
Doron Medalie said in an interview that the initial lyrics were ‘I don’t care about your money, baby’, and it was Netta’s idea to spice it up with some local lingo.

‘Stefa’
Guest

‘Stefa’ is ineed = ‘a wad of cash’ – WITH AN ATTITUDE OF “SHOW OFF”. Very important to unerstand…ITS Not Just The MONEY but the whole attitude – NETTA was right..

Gobio
Guest

” Freeze the arrow in the air, make your Margaritas hang in there” – Denmark.
” I’ll never sto-o-o-o-op, Luna Mummia “, ” I’m stronger than Cannibals” – Azerbaijan.
And Ukraine’s pretty much all misheard.

Joe
Guest

You can see that whatever the weather, hand in history better believe ooohhh
Something something never or ever, this decision has got to be made, ooohhhh

gsutt171
Guest

Israel – “A-A-A-Ani lo buba don’t you go and you Brexit!”

Escphbelgium
Guest

1. Forever
What I heard: We will go bowling and I know you’ll be mine, forever

2. Toy
What I heard: A-a-ani Lo-lorak

3. I won’t break
What I heard: I want break!

4. X My Heart
What I heard: once I set on fire, we become divine

Tom
Guest

I definitely heard “we will go bowling” too!

Ugnius
Guest

“Cause love is stronger than Ireland” instead of “Cause love is stronger than fire” in Australian entry 😀

Kami(l)
Guest

Fantastic post! *fans self in delight*

Lazarevfan
Guest

Kamiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil

Kovalska
Guest

lol I thought that “bullet” in San Marino one is a correct lyrics xd in Izrael’s song in the end Netta sings/shouts” I’m not your toy toyyy”, and I always laugh because it sounds like “I’m not your toi-toi”, while toi-toi is in Poland portable toilet (you can see them in outdoor events, music festivals etc.; and it’s a synonim of something very unhigienic) XD

Lolz
Guest

Lmaoooo I always thought Cesar said “Lord, I’m gonna get some hard tonight”

Lolz
Guest

And Ukraine is like “You can see that I take out the weather, the desition is got so the name ooooooo”

KESC
Guest

I cross my heart I tear down the firewalls, I cross my heart I’m stronger than camels.

ESCFan2009
Guest

I heard: “I’m stronger than cannibals” 🙂

KESC
Guest

Yeah sometimes camels and sometimes cannibals. 😀

EscAU
Guest

lol pretty much all of ukraine’s song is a misheard lyric 😛
–dancing with my dogs on the motherf*king beach–

tyr
Guest

I guess MadaBaka is only to clean that what everyone heard.

-MADA (baka) BEAT
Guest

-MADA (BAKA) BEAT – in short ….Is connected to Japan and Korea….NETTA is totally into their culture / Music / beat – against the will of the boy, but she will not let him shout up her sound and she will make him accept her different choices !!!

Kris
Guest

In Ukraine’s entry I heard ,
That a seizure has got to be made. Oh oh oh

Anita
Guest

What do you hear when Netta sings: “My “Simon says” leave me alone”?

Ola Sand
Guest

i heard “my salmon said leave me alone” 🙂

Alex
Guest

I heard “But someone just leave me alone”

Birger
Guest

My psycho says leave me alone!

Africavision
Guest

I heard “my sinuses say leave me alone”, and I could relate to that cause I have sinusitis. lol

its not only the game....
Guest
its not only the game....

“Simon says” is the social request that comes from what people tell you to do or not to do. Netta is not willing to play this game ….she has her own way of doing things…so she is asking the “rule of the people” to leave her alone

Alex
Guest

Rain keeps on falling, and I know you’ll be mine forever
What i heard:

Brackets are falling, and i know you’ll be mine forever

Meliris
Guest

Thought Netta was dancing with her doggs on tha muthafukin’ beat, since she likes Snoop Dogg so much.

I heard the romanian one since the first time , that was quite harsh but yeah some people do deserve that(I keep hearing the wrong lyrics ever since)

MADA (BAKA) BEAT - in short
Guest
MADA (BAKA) BEAT - in short

-MADA (BAKA) BEAT – in short ….Is connected to Japan and Korea….NETTA is totally into their culture / Music / beat – against the will of the boy, but she will not let him shout up her sound and she will make him accept her different choices !!!

Polegend Godgarina
Guest

Gonna get some sushi later. Cesar’s IMPACT!

Africavision
Guest

This is hilarious, Robyn. The Romania one killed me! To add to this list, when I listen to ‘lost and found’, I keep hearing the F word instead of “far”. And all the “deeper, deeper” business in that song doesn’t help. lol

Ethan1994
Guest

I thought I was the only one, LOL.

ESCFan2009
Guest

@Ethan1994: You’re the only one, you’re my only one… 😉 😉 😉