Wiwi hates crushing dreams. But one week after starting this year’s search for Eurovision’s Next Top Model, Wiwi has realized that a few of y’all need to go. The first elimination begins now.

Twenty-six mostly beautiful women stand before me. But Wiwi only has 22 photos in his hands. These photos represent the 22 women who are still in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Model. During this first week of voting, 310 votes were cast. Wiwi will call your names in the order that y’all finished. Total votes are displayed, followed by the percentage.

First up. Armenia. Eva Rivas.

Eva, you’re the tallest woman in this year’s competition and you own it. When I saw that video of you in Greece singing with a shovel, I knew that you weren’t ashamed of being yourself. A lot of Wiwi’s readers think that you were born a man, but Wiwi doesn’t care. Congratulations. You’re still in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Model. Now go eat you some apricot.

Second place this week goes to….it’s the Land of Fire…Azerbaijan. Safura.

You’ve been the favorite to win the second Eurovision semi-final for weeks. You’ve carried yourself with immense dignity and composure despite the expectations.  You’re only 17 years old, so I was hesitant about you leaving Baku to compete in this trashy modeling contest that will, no doubt, bring you cheap celebrity and material wealth. Then I realized you are FIERCE and could handle the dra-muh. Congratulations. You’re still in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Model.

Next up is the German teen who is taking Deutschland by storm….Lena Meyer-Landrut.

Girl, you know how to mix it up! Wiwi’s readers have given you a massive lead in the ongoing poll “Who Should Win Eurovision 2010?” If votes in that poll were the equivalent of punches, all these ladies around you would have black eyes. Congratulations. You’re still in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Model.

Okay, Wiwi needs to speed this up! It’s getting late and he needs to clean his apartment (blogging is a MESSY enterprise). The following contestants, who placed 4th through 17th, are still in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Model:

A special congratulations to Denmark’s Chanée, the only contestant of Asian descent at Eurovision this year, and Romania’s Paula Seling. I love that video of you singing in the shower and dancing in the streets of Bucharest.

Would Alyona, Sieneke, Neda, Thea, Yulia, Johanna and Susan please step forward.

Seven somewhat beautiful women stand before me, but I only have three photographs in my hands. And these photographs represent the women who are still in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Model. The voters were not showing y’all love this week:

Now, Wiwi sees all y’all rolling your eyes, talking about, “Oh my god, Wiwi chose bad photos of us that don’t capture our beauty.” Yeah, I did have to take screen grabs of some of y’all—Belarus, Malta!—but I have to work with what I got. I was all up on Internet Explorer doing Google Image Searches and y’all didn’t have ANY pics come up (I even turned off the Naughty Filter). If you don’t have a past, how can you have a future?? Being a Top Model is about looking fierce no matter what the media. If you can’t cut it in a screen grab, I’m not sure you can cut it on the runway.

Now, Wiwi only has three photographs in his hands. These photographs represent the women who are still in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Model. The women whose name Wiwi does not call must immediately return to the loft, pack their bags and go home.

Malta and the Netherlands, you’re safe. I need some plus size girls in this contest for the ratings. Congratulations. Y’all are still in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Model.

Croatia, you’re blond. Congratulations. You’re still in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Model.

That means Belarus’ Alyona and Yulia (two of the three in ‘3 + 2’), and Finland’s Johanna and Susan (the two halves of folk group Kuunkuiskaajat) need to go. NEED. TO. GO. Please take the stage for your final performances (click play, y’all):

The Belarussian and Finnish beauties have been removed from the voting table. Be sure to check back next week for the second elimination of Eurovision’s Next Top Model. And don’t forget to vote in this year’s search for Eurovision’s Next Top Male Model.

Eurovision’s Next Top Model: Elimination #2

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nikki
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eva is the monkey she isn’t pretty she is ugly

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