Valentina Monetta has released “Facebook, Uh, Oh, Oh”—and it may very well be the worst Eurovision entry of all time. SMRTV—San Marino’s state broadcaster—unveiled the song during a special presentation show this evening. Surely the folks at Betfair are scratching their heads and regretting that they ranked this song as the second most likely to win the first semi-final—before even hearing it—on March 13. We don’t know who tipped them off….but they were wrong.

Anyway, the song tells the very loose story of a girl who becomes addicted to Facebook but gives it up because she is having too much cybersex. I’m not kidding. Read the lyrics and watch the video below. I can’t help but feel bad for Valentina. Who told her this was a good idea? Why would she ask, “Do you wanna play cyber sex again?” And then there’s that ridiculous rhyme: “So you wanna make love with me? Am I really your cup of tea?”

Update on March 16 at 11:45pm GMT: After the release of this video, San Marino dropped from second to 15th in the Betfair table for the first semi-final. Odds have widened to 49/1 from a low of 2/1.

WATCH:

“Facebook Uh, Oh, Oh” Lyrics

Oooooo, Ooo Ooooo
I like it

Are you ready for a little chat?
And a song about the Internet
It’s the story of a social door
You’ve never seen before

If you want to be seen by everyone
Wanna be in the dream and have some fun
If you wanna be on the hook
Simply take a look

Facebook Uh, oh, oh
Everybody loves you so
Facebook Uh, oh, oh
Everybody that you know

Do you wanna be more than just a friend?
Do you wanna play cyber-sex again?
If you wanna come to my house
Then click me with your mouse

Facebook Uh, oh, oh
Everybody loves you so

You’re logging in
Then it begins
And your computer is swinging
And taking your time away

The sin is right
For a socialite
Now you’re on Facebook
Anywhere, anytime, night and day

Facebook Uh, oh, oh,
Everybody loves you so
Uh, oh, oh, oh
Never gonna let you go

So you wanna make love with me?
Am I really your cup of tea?
Are you really the one
That you
[incomprehensible]

Facebook, Uh, oh, oh
Everybody loves you so
Oo, oo, uh oh,
Never gonna let you go

You’re logging in
With just a friend
But soon Mark Zuckerberg’s hammerin’
Clamouring around the bend

We use to greet
Friends on the street
But now it’s Googling, giggling, gaggling right for me

Facebook, uh, oh, oh
How about a little chat?
Facebook, uh, oh, oh
Meet you on the Internet!

Do you really like politics?
When I talk about voodoo tricks
Are you really a sex-machine?
Or just a beauty queen?

Everybody is better than before
Everybody is calling out for more
Everybody is cybering,
Knocking on your door

Facebook, uh, oh, oh
Everybody loves a show
Ooo ooo oh oh
If you like it click and go

Do you know that it’s instant loggin in
For the rhythm and finding cyber sin.
Wanna find out what this books about?
Then how bout press log out?

Facebook
Now I’ve got a million friends
Goodbye Facebook fans
This is how the story ends

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[…] When I saw the official video for the original version of this song, I laughed and cried and laughed again. First of all, the […]

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[…] debuting “Facebook Uh, Oh, Oh” last Saturday, Valentina Monetta quickly listened as the emphasis shifted to the “uh, […]

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[…] addicted to social media, and in doing so repeats the word “Facebook” 11 times. The lyrics explain how the character compulsively logs on to Facebook, and how it has driven her into some […]

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[…] ganzen meisterhaft schlechten Text gibt’s hier. Blöd nur, dass die Leute vom Eurovision Song Contest keine Texte mit kommerziellen Inhalten […]

Christian
Guest

This was meant for Junior Eurovision of course
Another nail in the coffin for Eurovision

Shega
Guest
Shega

Song for children -hey people Eurosong not jokes

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[…] song, which tells the story of a girl addicted to Facebook, refers to the social networking site eleven times. An EBU reference group concluded that the repetition of the Facebook name amounted to a violation […]

Nirgal
Guest

And, according to Wikipedia, Ralph Siegel didn’t write a single word from the lyrics, he just composed the music (which is, as I said, at least acceptable). Timothy Touchton and Jose Santana Rodriguez are the ones to blame for this monstrosity.

Nirgal
Guest

The worst part of this is that the melody is actually good. Simple but not cheap, and kinda sticky. If they changed the lyrics (I suggest “party, uh, oh, oh”), it would become a pretty good act.

What
Guest
What

my 5 year old sister can write a better lyrics than this… im in shock. so stupid lyrics, i will try to write more when im out of shock. this is a fu.king commercial for facebook, and its not even a good commercial. Montenegro should win this year, only because his song is talking against eurovision, against these kind of stupid songs.

Kat
Guest
Kat

Its not voodoo tricks, its dirty tricks.

And it’s not “everybody in cybering” but “everybody in cyberville” 🙂

At least it sounds like that to me 🙂

And the incomprehensible line might be something with “remember”?

Hj
Guest
Hj

I kinda like this song. So curious how the people at Eurovision in Concert react on this!

Nirgal
Guest

Now, THIS is the trolling I like, and not the Mad Show Boys. They could as well be sending Rebecca Black.

Jamaraqueer
Guest
Jamaraqueer

WOW. WOW. WOW. I actually kind of like it because it is SOOOO BAAAAADDDD. HAHAHA.

samantha in athens
Guest
samantha in athens

I think this is an awful song. It’s actually very, very bad. Zero points.

Tristán White
Guest
Tristán White

I can’t get that one line either, but I think you have some of the lyrics wrong. For a start, it’s “social door”, not “social doer”. It’s “Do you wanna play cyber-sex again?”, not cybersexican. And at the end she sings “Now I’ve got a million friends” not “find real friends”. The bit about “Am I really your cup of tea” is a very common expression in British English… if someone is their cup of tea, they get on well. The song isn’t great, but it’s not as bad as you’re making out. However, I expect it will fall foul… Read more »

M. Zuckerberg
Guest
M. Zuckerberg

– Valentina is not that young. She is 37
– betfair is not a bookie but a bet exchange. The odds were so low, because nobody layed it. Betting volume zero.
– it is not the worst ESC entry ever