If any of you readers have children in the room, please ask them to look away from the screen now. That’s because the Wiwi Jury is about to review Austria’s ESC 2012 entry “Woki mit deim Popo.” Woki means something like “shake” and “deim Popo” refers to “your ass.” Shame on Austria for giving Eurovision a PG-13 rating! In any case, here’s what our in-house jury of music unprofessionals has to say.

Wiwi: Earlier this year I made the mistake of assuming that Austrian voters possessed two things: common sense and good taste. As such, I conducted an interview with Conchita Wurst—the drag queen who was a front-runner to represent Austria in Baku. Alas, Austrian voters bypassed Conchita—she who is part woman, part sausage—in favor of Trackshittaz—the unfortunately named R&B group that takes tacky to a whole new level. Their song “Shake Your Ass” is rather monotonous and reaches its lyrical heights when it rhymes “low” with “ho.” To the group’s credit, I love how in the middle of all this German you hear a very clear English expression: “booty shake.” This isn’t my cup of tea—or my flask of vodka—but I can see how some people might appreciate the Macarena-esque qualities of the song. It’s simple, lends itself well to simple dance moves, and could become a summer hit. I hope that doesn’t happen, but stranger things have happened at ESC (like Lithuania winning the jury vote during its semi-final last year).

Score: 2/10

Vebooboo:  Of all people, the Wiwi jury is one to appreciate songs about working it mit our popos. The rap part I could do without, but I love the little popo dance…as well as the randomness that is the back-up dancers’ black / neon green spandex outfits. Eurovision is about randomness, about fun…and this song delivers in a lurid, over-the-top way.

Score: 6.5/10

Judy: The whoo whoos are kinda catchy. And oooh what’s this? Glow in the dark strippers? I’m shaking my head but am rather amused by this ludicrous and audacious display from the Austrians. In terms of song quality, I think the name of the band says it all – this is some Trackshittaz, y’all!

Score: 3/10

Deban: Before I commence my critique, I’d like to start by recommending Nadine Bailer’s (Austria’s 2011 contestant) immortalisation in Vienna for her outstanding contribution to good Austrian music. As she remains the only Austrian ESC artist in this category, there are no other nominees. Now that we’ve established that Austrian ESC entries have been mostly unlistenable since the 90’s, we can succinctly review this current entry against a backdrop of reduced expectations.

It’s not as bad as Georgia, but nevertheless, this song would fit perfectly in that category. It’s another speech-rap pop number packed with innuendos. If ESC wasn’t a family friendly show, this entry would carry a parental advisory label. The vulgarity hits you before the song even starts! They’re billed as Trackshittaz (does such a band name have any mileage?), and the song translates as “shake your ass.”

No doubt Austrians love this sort of thing. Trackshittaz have scored several number ones domestically, and they have a credible fan base in Germany. Although their ESC submission is more befittingly tagged as noise, you’ve got to give them credit for lacing it with a catchy hook. It’s the sort of song I wouldn’t mind having a sweaty workout to in a Salzburg locker room.

Score: 5/10

The Wiwi Jury Verdict: 4.13/10

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Christian
Guest

Finally an artist where the name lives up to the song.
I always heard that the thinnest book should be the one about german humor but that should be corrected. Where is the Austrian executive? Please learn from this year : Damage control.
You could not afford to win?

Christian
Guest

Finally an artist name that live’s up tp the standard of the track.

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francisco
Guest
francisco

Ho, ho, ho, good lord! this has to be the tackiest and naff-est thing I have ever heard and seen! I am impressed! I think the Austrians have very clearly shown to us what they think of Eurovision (“it is tacky, and it is stupid, so let’s stop taking it seriously and pump up the kitsch!”). Well done, you! It may not have any musical value, but it is certainly fun, in a sort of Post-Modern kind of way…of course…

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Zolan
Guest
Zolan

Ok, so, it’s not music or rap, by any reasonable standard.
It’s not funky, or sexy, or funny, or moving, or shocking.
There’s no dancing, well … some listless pole-dancing.
Oh, wait! There’s flourescent costumes ….. that .. they can’t .. use .. in Baku. *sigh*
Well, at least English speakers can mishear the chorus while the guys make thrusting moves.
Nice one Austria.
Here’s a thought, record the sound of your tractor’s engine as the backing track. And the vocals.
That would be awesome.

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Neil
Guest
Neil

It works for the Austrians but not for me.

Nathan
Guest
Nathan

I think this is total crap-a-licious. And comparing it to all the other songs this year, it fits right in to the general poor standard.

Unfortunately, Armenia and I, are pulling out to coming to Azerbaijian, so you will imagine me in my living room wearing a pair of spandex pants and dancing along to this.

Its such a shame that Sweden didnt send Sean Banana – it would still kick Austrian ass….

Holomorph
Guest
Holomorph

Thats terrible noise by untalented braindeads. Mozart would turn around in his grave hearing such a crap labeled as “music”. They are in direct competition with the disgusting Russian Grandmas for the worst song and the absence of talent.

Nirgal
Guest

I’m not gonna coment this awful piece of crap, because if I did, I would have to be mean instead of merely descriptive.

H.K. Dick
Guest

Maybe in Austria this is hilarious – unfortunately in the rest of Europe it’s an horrendous pile of Tracksittaz poo. The Austrian public deserve nil points for overlooking the fabulous Conchita Wurst in favour of this.

There certianly isn’t going to be an invasion of Eurovision fans into Austria in 2013. “Shake your ass” – I’d kick it right into the Danube.

I give it 2/10 just for the light show.

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