This week on the Wiwi Show—brought to you by Song Contest Radio—readers ask whether France’s Anggun Photoshops her legs; voters pick the most attractive brothers at Eurovision 2012; two men and two women face the axe in Eurovision’s Next Top Model and Eurovision’s Next Top Male Model; the Wiwi Jury reviews Georgia, Slovenia, and Switzerland; we check out the new front-runners to win the semi-finals; Slovakia’s Kristina releases a new single; and Austria’s Trackshittaz shittaz on a tractor. You can listen to the program below, and follow along with the transcript that follows.
Running time: 42 minutes. Featured artists: Anggun with “Echo (You and I)”; Roman Lob with “Dream on”; Kalomira with “My Secret Combination”; Paolo Meneguzzi with “Ti amo, ti odio”; Loreen with a remix of “Euphoria”; Charlotte Perrelli feat. Kate Ryan with “Little Braveheart”; Kenneth Potempa with “Reach the Sky”
Wiwi: Hello Europe! It’s Wiwi calling from WiwiBloggs.Com. It’s been another busy week on Planet Eurovision, so grab your helmet, and get ready for a bumpy ride through all the gossip and scandal. Joining me as always is my trusted partner in crime, a man with a vision we call the Eurovision—it’s Mr. Vebooboo Nadella! Vebooboo, welcome!
Vebooboo: Haaaaay Wiwi. How you doin’?
Wiwi: I’m doing rul rul good. What about you?
Vebooboo: Oh I’m doing rul rul good too, boo. That’s because Wiwi’s readers have been giving us major attitude in our new feature “What the Readers Say.” This is where we highlight the sassiest, nastiest things you say and then share them on our blog so they don’t go unnoticed.
Wiwi: That’s right, boo. That’s right. This week France’s Anggun has been a hot topic of conversation, and not because she just released an English-language version of her Eurovision entry “Echo (You and I).”
Vebooboo: Anggun is currently competing in our search for Eurovision’s Next Top Model, and one of our readers did not like her portfolio photos. More specifically he did not like her legs. The reader, who goes by the name “Photoshop Anggun’s legs” says:
ANGGUN LEGS ARE UGLY. FAIL PHOTOSHOP!!!
ROMANIA is best girl ever
anggun is fake, go see her in reality
THANKS INDONESIA HAS LARGE POPULATION IN THE WORLD TO VOTE HER, OTHERWISE NOTHING!
stop use photoshop anggun.stop it.people know u in reality!
Wiwi: Oh snap! He needs to work on his English, but we understand his sentiments. Well, Anggun may be well aware of her shortcomings. As our reader Jurian points out, the Indonesian diva actually has a song called “Evil and Angel.” And this is what she says in that song, “I don’t have long legs, I’m not tall/ But people told me I could reach the stars.” That has to be autobiography. Personally, I think her legs look really good regardless of whether they are photoshopped or not. I mean, if she has seriously ugly legs, it’s nice of her to photoshop them so don’t have to see the nasty, ya know?
Vebooboo: That’s right! And you know what else Wiwi, our reader Julian points out that having ugly legs could be a good sign in Eurovision. This is what he says:
“I think is really good for Anggun this situation, I remember the legs of chiara and she finished second. I remember also the molitva girl who didn’t have legs, just head+ass+shoes, she came first, Isabelle aubret for France, she had only one leg and an another in plastic so I predict the victory for Anggun.”
Wiwi: Boo, you know in “Echo (You and I),” she says, “On avance, mais on court après quoi”—which means like, we move on but what are we running after? I think she court après some Photoshop software!
Vebooboo: You bad, boo! You real, real bad!
Wiwi: It’s true! She is downloading that stuff! Ooo! I think she has some good legs, but you know she is putting some cocoa butter on those things.
Vebooboo: Well, she’s half-Asian boo. They all beautiful. Oh wait. She’s all Asian.
We listen to a hilarious faux advertisement for Photoshop, followed by the English-language version of Anggun’s Eurovision entry “Echo (You and I)”
Vebooboo: Eurovision 2012 has become something of a family affair this year because there are three sets of brothers competing. There’s Ireland’s Jedward with their sky-high hair singing “Waterline.”
Wiwi: There’s Switzerland’s rock band Sinplus—that’s brother Ivan and Gabriel Broggini—with the song “Unbreakable.”
Vebooboo: And there’s brothers Dmitry and Vladimir Karyakin, who make up 2/3 of the Belarusian act Litesound. They’re singing “We are the Heroes.”
Wiwi: But are they the heroes? This week on WiwiBloggs.Com we are asking readers to imagine we locked these three sets of siblings in a cage and denied them hairspray and water. Who do you want to see emerge from the cage singing their Eurovision song? Venu who do you want to see come out alive?
Vebooboo: Boo, I’ve always had a preference for Eastern Europeans so I’m gonna give my vote to Dmitry and Vladimir. What about you Wiwi?
Wiwi: OK, Ima base my decision on the music and not the people. Let’s call you shallow ’cause that’s what you is. Give me a bit of Sinplus any day! I love my Swiss cheese and my rosti, so I will dine out with them any day!
Vebooboo: I’m shallow because I’m looking at the people, but you are shallow because you are looking at the food. Unfortunately for you , Wiwi, our readers seem to prefer Irish sausage. Ireland’s Jedward are in first place with 60% of the vote, followed by Belarus’ Litesound with 21% of the vote. Switzerland is last with 19% of the vote.
Wiwi: Sigh. It looks like our boys are so unbreakable after all.
We listen to Roman Lob’s “Dream On” and Kalomira’s “My Secret Combination”
Eurovision’s Next Top Model
Wiwi: In the high-flying world of international fashion, one day you’re in and the next day you’re out. The same holds true in our annual searches for Eurovision’s Next Top Model and Eurovision’s Next Top Male Model.
Vebooboo: That’s right Wiwi! In the first two weeks of competition more than 6,000 votes have been cast all across Europe, so this week we pulled out our claws and eliminated two ladies and two gentleman.
Wiwi: In the ladies’ contest our first victim was Bulgaria’s Sofi Marinova. She shows off her gorgeous body in her official music video to “Love Unlimited,” but that wasn’t enough to stay in the race. She only managed to earn 17 votes, and I know more than 17 people in Bulgaria have a computer. If she can’t convince Bulgarians to love her, then how can we?
Vebooboo: The other woman we had to kick out of the Top Model House hails from Israel. Shiri Hadar, the only female member of Israeli group Izabo, could not rally the Jewish vote, and she finished dead last in our poll with just 14 votes. To give this a bit of context, our leader, Elena Ionescu from Romania, has already earned 1,400 votes. Looks like it’s gonna be a sad night in Jerusalem.
Wiwi: In the men’s race, we eliminated Manuel Hoffelner—one half of the Austrian hip hop group Trackshittaz. He only secured 14 votes. His friend and fellow band member Lukas Plochal had 36, so we decided to send Manuel packing. I mean, honestly. How many Austrians do I need shittazing on my track?
Vebooboo: And once again we had to send yet another contestant home from Israel. The men of Izabo—that’s right, we let these three nasty looking men compete as one person—could not muster any support and finished last in our poll. They couldn’t convince voters at home to say Shalom, so we had to say goodbye. Next year they need to consult with Dana International and learn how to work it, and be seen.
We listen to Paolo Meneguzzi’s “Ti amo, ti odio” and the Song Contest Radio remix of Loreen’s “Euphoria”
Wiwi: Slovakia’s Kristina—who sang Horehronie at Eurovision 2010 and dressed as a sexy wood nymph—is back with a new single called Jacblcko which means little apple in Slovak. Let’s just say Kristina has grown up since Eurovision 2010. In the video She wears a tight white bustier and shows us her own little apples.
Venu: The Buranovskiye Babushki—the sassiest sextet of singing grannies Russia has ever produced—have emerged as the bookies’ favorite to win the first semi-final at Eurovision. They’ve pushed past Denmark’s Soluna Samay. We just hope none of them passes away before Eurovision.
Wiwi: ORF, Austria’s state broadcaster, has released a video explaining why the Trackshittaz love their tractor During the two-minute clip Lukas Plöchl argues that the farm equipment is more practical than a tour bus. “It has something about our roots because we are coming from the country side,” he says in his slightly imperfect, but totally adorable, English. “We haven’t that much streets so we have to go on fields and through forests and so on, and therefore it’s better because even a Hummer or something like that would be too small.” Clearly Lukas likes big toys!
Venu: And in the second semi-final, the bookies have suddenly decided that Belarus’ Litesound deserves to advance to the final. They’ve jumped from 13th position all the way to 7th. Perhaps they are following Gaitana’s big beautiful booty. They Ukrainian diva has jumped up from ninth to sixth.
We listen to Charlotte Perrelli feat Kate Ryan with “Little braveheart”
Wiwi: Each week the Wiwi Jury listens to Eurovision songs so that you don’t have to, and we rate them on a scale from zero to ten. First up this week is Slovenia.
The first time I saw the word “verjamen,” which is the title of this song, I thought that was Slovene for “vermin.” And then I watched the video and thought the crazy lady with the white headpiece was a rat catcher. But after consulting the lyrics on Wiwi’s contestants page, I realize that “verjamen” means “I believe.” Judging from said crazy lady, Eva believes that it’s OK to let a back-up singer steal the spotlight. Although Eva has a fantastic voice, the only thing I remember is the moaning back-up vocalist who eventually joins a chorus line of four howling bridesmaids. I can only give this a 3 out of 10.
Vebooboo: The song isn’t anything to write home about, Wiwi, I totally agree. But we have yet another powerful singer in this year’s competition. Just wish we could fast forward to 2:00, when the song gets really good. Until that point it just sort of hums along. The entry’s stylist must have been a guest at Prince William and Kate’s wedding last year, because they sure put some crazy hats on those back-up singers. Are they wearing shower accessories? I gave it a score of 5 out of 10, which gives her an average of just 4.75, putting her in 13th place out of the 21 countries we have reviewed thus far.
Wiwi: Next up is Switzerland. I’m slightly biased to like Sinplus—that’s brothers Ivan and Gabriel Broggini—because they gave Wiwi an awesome interview. But placing that aside, I love this song. It sounds like something you’d hear outside of the Eurovision arena—like, on a radio—and it gets me moving the moment the electro-guitar backing comes in. The boys need to work on their enunciation. It should be dream and not zrim or drim or whatever the hell they’re saying. But it’s got the feel-good factor and Wiwi can’t help but listen again and again. I gave it an 8 out of 10.
Vebooboo: There’s a lot of things I know you’d like to do with them again and again, boo. The Swiss sure do love their British indie pop, and I’m so pleased to see this song make it to Baku. First of all, the brothers are cutey-patootey. I agree with you. Secondly, they can actually sing. And finally, the lyrics are so damn uplifting…even if it’s sometimes difficult to understand exactly what they’re saying! Sinplus is pretty much ‘unbreakable’ in terms of their chances of making the Final. The Lovebugs got totally screwed over in 2009, but I sincerely hope that won’t happen again this year in Baku. Their on-stage performance will make or break the song. Hopefully they’ll do something memorable like Danish rockers A Friend in London did last year. The score from me is 8 out of 10 as well. That gives them an average score of 7.4, putting them in third place.
Wiwi: Next up is Georgia. The Georgian entry says he is a jocker—whatever that is—but there are plenty of things he is not. He is not, for instance, a good singer. Nor is he the charismatic performer it would take to make this appalling song bearable. Its lyrics are easily the worst of Eurovision 2012 and feature lines such as: “Hands up, booty up! And do the dance, honey/ Hands up, booty up! And do the dance, honey/ Show me some love!” I’m starting a petition for the Republic of Georgia to send Candy—the Georgian girl group which won Junior Eurovision 2011—to Baku instead. I gave this a one out of 10.
Vebooboo: OK, this dude tries to own the stage like Eric Saade or Danny Saucedo. Two key problems — he’s twice their age, and he’s freaking fat. And perhaps more importantly, his lyrics don’t make sense. What the hell is he singing about? Why are the interludes in the song so abrupt? And why are all these bad songs making it to Baku this year?? WHY!?!? I gave this a four out of 10.
Wiwi: Meows Kitty actually gave this a score of 0, saying “Ewww, did he just say stalker?” That gives him an average of just 1.75, putting him in last place.
Well, that’s all the time we have this week on the Wiwi Show. But be sure to come back next week for the latest news, gossip and scandal.
Vebooboo: We’ll be reporting lives from Eurovision in Amsterdam this weekend, and will let you know who can sing—and who cannot.
We listen to Kenneth Potempa’s “Reach the Sky”
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