On December 15 Switzerland becomes the second country (after Belarus) to decide on its song for Eurovision 2013. After listening to the nine finalists for Die Grosse Entscheidungsshow, it’s clear to me that the Swiss have no intention of winning in Malmö. Apart from Melissa’s “The Point of No Return” and the rather catchy “You and Me” by Heilsarmee, this year’s contenders are pure garbage and would be hard pressed to make it through the never-ending heats in Lithuania.
But among the 179 entries this year, there were at least seven worthy of the final. We have listened to all of them. At times it was tough going but we made it, and we can now reveal those songs that should be singing in Kreuzlingen next week. These numbers would have given the Swiss a shot at an elusive spot in the Eurovision final. Anyway, here is our dream line-up!
1. Lys Assia feat NewJack – All in your head
After failing to win last year’s Swiss final, the ageing Lys Assia was coaxed into teaming up with a group of gangsta rappers. Lys often looks uncomfortable when surrounded by her new best friends, but she got down with the boys to pull off a catchy tune which has sadly been neglected by those in power.
2. Markus Muller – Getting closer
Cheesy doesn’t even begin to describe this ballad, and Markus is glued to one spot in his simple video. But the big slice of schmaltz would sell well as a charity Christmas record. He just needs a few sleigh bells to tug the yuletide heart.
3. Man Meadow – How does it feel?
Narrowly missing out on representing Poland in 2011, Man Meadow tried their luck in Switzerland (as so many do from Poland – Magdalena Tul also submitted a song this year). “How Does It Feel” is a really good, upbeat, dance tune and obviously way too modern for the Swiss selection panel.
4. Sandro Dietrich – Love will find a way
Another song that could easily find its way onto the dance floor is “Love Will Find A Way”. Sadly cute Sandro couldn’t find his way into the national final. But with a commercial release this could be a summer smash in 2013.
5. I.M.P feat Sofia Hyatt – Party Like You Mean It
It has an infectious, simple chorus. But conservative Swiss voters probably gasped when they heard “people in this town, do not fuck around”.
6. Sparrohs – Pinch me I’m dreaming
The Sparrohs entered two songs this year – the other one was boring as hell. But the start of this one sounds like a 1980s TV theme and settles into a Blondie meets Sophie Ellis-Bextor ryhtym.
7. ILARY – Vogla Di Vivere
Using the opening few bars of Euphoria, this dance track proves that foreign languages and dance can go together. This could be played with the car windows rolled down, sun beating down and hands waving triumphantly in the air (with someone else driving of course)!
H.K. Dick is our recently-appointed Hong Kong correspondent. Welcome H.K. Dick!