Last night the Wiwi Jury—our in-house panel of music unprofessionals—packed up our Lonely Planet travel guides and headed to Yerevan to review the Dorians’ Eurovision song. Did the touchy-feely number inspire us to do some good? Or did it induce nausea and vomiting? Read on to find out…
Wiwi: In their effort to find something deep, the Dorians have delivered something utterly shallow. These lyrics make no sense. “Who can change the night and day? Who’s the one with clever face? That can tell us what is in the space? Playing games that none can play.” Whatever game they are playing, they are running foul of good taste and inspiration. This is easily Armenia’s worst-ever entry, and that includes its various efforts at Junior Eurovision. It’s slightly better than Albania in my estimation, but miles behind the joke that is Latvia.
Alexander: The first time I heard “Lonely Planet”, I seriously thought it was a contender for last place in Semi-Final 2. It sounded more like noise than a song to me. However, after listening to it more and hearing the enhanced studio version, I’ve grown to appreciate it. What particularly stands out to me in the studio version is the vastly improved guitar arrangement in the chorus. “Lonely Planet” is a decent rock tune with a nice message similar to the Russian entry.
Deban: Get out your guide books and pack your bags for Yerevan. I love the simple video that plugs this rock number. Although it doesn’t scream ‘WINNER’, this is a song that has a long shelf life. It can be used in song festivals, ad campaigns, and serves well as a jingle for green parties across the continent. Taking on some of the messages in Lucia Moon’s “Delicious Feeling”, “Lonely Planet” is a cry for earth reform. It’s in keeping with Armenia’s contribution of songs with meaningful content. When levied against Eva Riva’s “Apricot Stone”, it falls short. However, when pitched against Emmy’s “Boom Boom”, this is a song of hope.
HK Dick: I was glad to see Armenia back this year as politics should have no part of Eurovision. At first I thought “Lonely Planet” was a song about travel guide books but instead Gor Sujyan bangs on at us for three minutes about war and peace in, perhaps, a thinly disguised attack at his Azeri neighbours. It’s not a terrible song but seems to be bogged down in his attempt to deliver a memorable anti-war song when three minutes of disco would have done far more for European harmony.
Bogdan: Like Albania, Armenia aims to revive rock – and it appears that Gor Sujyan aims to revive Jeff Buckley as well. I am sure that “Lonely Planet” has its audience, but I am also sure that they won’t be tuning in to watch Eurovision, which generally caters to a very different musical taste. I would be in utter disbelief if this song that belongs to the early nineties advanced to the Final of ESC 2013.
Vebooboo: Armenia got screwed over last year. Not only did they boycott the competition for fears of getting killed, but their music even got banned in the Euroclub during Eurovision. I sure as hell know at least a few of us were missing “Qele Qele” and “Apricot Stone” on that dance floor. This number, on the other hand, is one that I wish never existed. Decent vocals are great to have, but you need to first have a song to sing. “Who’s the one that starts a war?” I have a better question for you: Which nation sends a crappy song? “Maybe someday we’ll break the wall. Maybe the light will touch us all.” I have a feeling these singers are living in a dungeon and without any tools. Keep them down there with Gollum and his precious, please.
Wiwi Jury Verdict: 4.21/10