So a royal baby boy has just emerged from Kate Middleton’s regal birth canal at London’s St Mary’s Hospital. To aid the Duchess of Cambridge with her recovery, and to bring mommy and the young prince closer together, we’ve put together the essential Eurovision playlist for the Windsor family and its newest babe. Cue the music!

1. “I Feed You My Love” (Margaret Berger, Norway 2013)

Breastfeeding is all about love, y’all—and we know that Mrs. William Windsor is gonna give her child a whole lot of it. Some of the lyrics hint at the importance of nutrients-to-baby: “I have the future on my tongue. Give me a kiss….I feed you my love.” Other lyrics are less nurturing and more antagonistic, as in: “You put a knife against my back and dare me to face the attack.” Surely words like those won’t be spoken until the prince reaches 16.

2. “It Hurts” (Lena Philipsson, Sweden 2004)

The bond between mother and child begins during labour, when Mama really has to push to bring life into the world. It hurts because it’s so special. In honor of that, K Middy needs to put Lena Philipsson’s 2004 entry on loop. “Nobody but me can know the way I feel…” Well, maybe that doctor who prescribed all those painkillers can. Again, we hope that some of the lyrics don’t apply. “I’m looking for the answer and someone to blame.” Do you need William’s number?

3. “Celebrate” (Daria Kinzer, Croatia 2011)

Naturally the Duchess of Cambridge will want to instill the future monarch with confidence and joie de vivre. How better than by exposing the young prince to the positive vibes of Daria Kinzer? The 2011 Croatian contestant wanted all of us to live it up and embrace life’s little victories. Surely the lyrics also apply to building a family and the baby’s first steps. “Join us you’ll have a good time, love is here to stay,” Daria says. “Celebrate every single step you take. Stop the world for a moment, shine like a comet, nothing can stop you now.” That’s right. Work it babe!

4. “Drama Queen” (DQ, Denmark 2007)

We don’t want to scare the Duchess, but the Terrible Twos aren’t that far away and her sweet little babe will become a monster just like every other toddler. Yes, he will throw his gold-plated rattle right back in yo face. A right royal drama queen indeed!

5. “It’s All About You” (Juliana Pasha, Albania 2010)

As we’ve explained before, Juliana’s Eurovision entry was all about her love of Jesus. But Jesus was a baby once too, y’all! These lyrics of devotion seem germane to a discussion about loving your newborn.

It’s all about you, the things that I do
The rest of the world don’t understand me
You’re all that I dream, everything that I need
‘Cause when you are gone, I feel so empty
It’s all in the way you look at me
And you’re driving me crazy
It’s all about you, all the things that I do
You are my life, ’cause you make it amazing

Let’s see if she still feels that way after the diapers start stinking up Kensington Palace…

6. “It’s My Time” (Jade Ewen, UK 2009)

This song is less for the baby and more for Aunt Pippa, who royally upstaged Kate at the royal wedding by showcasing her derrière at Westminster Abbey. Kate has had other parts exposed to strangers recently, bless her, and she deserves the spotlight for getting through her high-profile pregnancy.

Willy Lee Adams contributed this report from London. Follow him on Twitter @willyleeadams. You can also keep up with the latest Eurovision news and gossip by following on Twitter and Facebook.

Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
10 years ago

lol you guys read my mind! i was expecting glorious too.

10 years ago

I’m surprised that “Glorious” didn’t make the list. I guess the lyrics “I wanna live before I die” wasn’t suitable for the birth…

Anerican Andy
10 years ago

I would have thought that “Glorious” would have made the list. Or did it get the boot because “the little child” is no longer inside the Dutchess?

10 years ago

You’ve missed out an obvious one Wiwi Bloggs, Cliff Richard’s Congratulations!

Angus Quinn
Angus Quinn
10 years ago

ARGH. I despise Juliana Pasha. Otherwise good shouts!