Songwriters have a knack for deploying literary devices. The folks behind some of your favourite Eurovision songs are no different. Eurovision 2013 was a feast of interesting, and sometimes ridiculous, metaphors and comparisons. So, with the holidays just around the corner, we give you the gift of analyzing all of these wonderfully odd uses of language!
Armenia: The Dorians with “Lonely Planet”
“Who’s the man and who’s the God?”
Well, to some Christians, Jesus was both.
Belgium: Roberto Bellarosa with “Love Kills”
“Waiting for the Bitter Pill”
“Love Kills” had a lot of interesting metaphors, but this tops the rest by far. First of all, not too many people are anxious to get pills, and secondly, bitter pills? At least ask for some of those chewable ones shaped like dinosaurs that taste like fruit.
Bulgaria: Elitsa & Stoyan with “Samo Shampioni”
“Golden boys and girls for millions”
If you’re referring to golden hair, then you might be talking about the recent Roma child situation in Greece and Bulgaria…
Georgia: Sophie & Nodi with “Waterfall”
“Sailing on a sea of dreams”
Actually, dreams are a neurological phenomenon thanks to the human brain. And no, you cannot sail into a neurological phenomenon. Well, in a dream you could.
Greece: Koza Mostra with “Alcohol is Free”
“In a sea of whisky”
There is not enough whisky in the world to make a sea of it. I’m sorry to inform you. At least Germany pays for your alcohol.
Lithuania: Andrius Pojavis with “Something”
“Because of the shoes I’m wearing today/One is called love, the other is pain”
Of course if we’re discussing metaphors we are discussing Andrius and his shoes. Is it a symbol for how the two are needed to make him walk? Did he get them from this odd crush he has on someone who clearly can’t take a hint? The world may never know.
Malta: Gianluca Bezzina with “Tomorrow”
“Uncertainty’s her creed”
Excuse me sir, but have you heard about our lord and savior, this woman who disrupts Jeremy’s stable life?
Norway: Margaret Berger with “I Feed You My Love”
“A cocoon in a silent tree”
Again, another metaphor-rich song (my English literature teacher might use it in the near future) comes into Eurovision 2013. However, I do not see any mention of butterflies which will come out of that cocoon. AND THE ART FOR THIS YEAR WAS A BUTTERFLY.
Romania: Cezar Ouatu with “It’s My Life”
“I can paint my life in blue”
Is Cezar going to have a blue period like Picasso did? The Eurovision community needs to know.
Russia: Dina Garipova with “What If?”
“Bury our guns”
Burying guns is not a good idea, Dina. Do you know why? Some goat somewhere is going to discover them, and we will have a goat war. We do not want goat wars, we want goat cheese.
San Marino: Valentina Monetta with “Crisalide”
“In the mirror that steals the image
In a thousand pieces of vertigo”
**Grabs slam poetry beret** “You see, we tend to look in mirrors to understand our own images, however, this song, a very important piece of the progression from 2000s pop to 2010s pop, serves to tell us that our perception of our own beauty will rob us of our actual beauty.”
Serbia: Moje 3 with “Ljubav je svuda”
“When he cheats on you
then your heart will be just fish food”
Then please, don’t buy fish that eat human flesh!
Slovenia: Hannah Mancini with “Straight Into Love”
“Faster than light here comes the night”
Night technically still gives off light, so no, it did not come faster than light because it is light. Obviously the songwriter did not pass high school physics.
Ukraine: Zlata Ognevich with “Gravity”
“MY GRAVITY”
… Again, another misrepresentation of physics.
We understand that these are not all the odd metaphors in Eurovision 2013, but we believe that it’s a pretty darn good summary!
Should we do more year-by-year analyses of metaphors? Let us know in the comments below! You can check out more of our lists by clicking here.
Francheska contributed this report from the United States. Follow her on Twitter at @FranRants. You can also keep up-to-date with the latest Eurovision news and gossip by liking our Facebook page.
Photo: Eurovision.tv (EBU)
How could you miss Dina Garipova’s “Why don’t we aim to stop the alarms”? I thought that would top the chart. And yes please, keep these linguistic delicacies coming, every year if possible! Thanks!
Well, who knows if Zlata has an updated version of gravity we can’t afford?
Weird you haven’t said anything about artsy Anouk and her artsier song Birds