Lena eyes her producer as her dancers attempt to bust out of their condoms.

Das schöne Deutschland has pretty much the perfect ESC record. They have attempted to participate in every Eurovision Song Contest since the VERY BEGINNING in 1956. Yes, that’s right. The beginning! Germany has been represented 57 times, more than any other country, and the only time that they weren’t in the final was in 1996 when their song failed to qualify past the pre-selection round. They’ve won the contest twice, in 1982 and of course in 2010, and they’ve hosted the contest three times. Even when they’re not hosting, they have a massive party anyway… and breathe! If there’s anything we’ve learned about Germany at the Eurovision Song Contest, it’s that they shouldn’t be messed with. They know how to play!

Finals Qualified for since 2009: Automatic Qualification as a Member of the Big Five.

Recent History:

2013: Cascada with “Glorious”, 21st place with 18 points

2012: Roman Lob with “Standing Still”, 8th place with 110 points

2011: Lena with “Taken by a Stranger”, 10th place with 107 points

2010: Lena with “Satellite”, 1st place with 246 points

2009: Alex Swings Oscar Sings with “Miss Kiss Kiss Bang”, 20th place with 35 points

Song Stats:

– How many times did Roman Lob wail the words “Standing Still” in 2011? 17 times

– How many times did we see Natalie Horler to a Westlife style air grab in 2013? 15 times

– How many points has Germany given to the United Kingdom at Eurovision? 180 points

– How many points has Germany received from the United Kingdom at Eurovision? 168 points

Best Scoring Entry:

Lena with “Satellite”, 1st place with 246 points

2010 was the year we were introduced to Miss Lena Meyer-Landrut. The woman that would go on to win the competition, represent Germany AGAIN the year after, perform the year after that, and mess up the voting announcement the year after that! Eurovision without Lena is like Cezar without sparkles, and we’re certainly expecting her smiley face to be popping up again in Copenhagen. “Satellite” was where it all began, and after three years we’re still singing along to the rather strange lyrics.

Memorable lyrics: “I went everywhere for you, I even did my hair for you, I bought new underwear, they’re blue and I wore ’em just the other day” A little bit too much information there Lena! Also slightly stalker-ish…

Worst Scoring Entry:

Cascada with “Glorious”, 21st place with 18 points

Europe rejoiced when they heard the news that the world-famous dance band Cascada would be representing Germany at Eurovision. But it all went pretty downhill after that… Being sued, those awful live vocals and the staircase. Oh the staircase! We love Cascada and think Natalie has an amazing voice, but we were all disappointed with a 21st place finish. We expected a lot more from Cascada. THE Cascada!

Memorable lyrics: “Cause I, I wanna live before I die, crash and burn and lose my mind, we can set the world on fire” Crash and burn like you did at the Eurovision final? Okay, that was mean.

This is what Team Wiwi have to say about Germany’s recent entries:

Angus: I’m going to be controversial here and say that the Germans are not all they’ve been cracked up to be of late. If you strip away all the comparisons to the Big 5, they only had truly strong years 2010-11. I don’t rate Roman Lob and think he placed really highly with a boring song, and my opinions on Cascada have already been well-voiced on the blog. I’m not sure what other choices Germany had in 2012 but Roman just didn’t do anything for me. The song was catchy enough but he just sounded like a Jamie Cullum impersonator. He could also have at least dressed up for the occasion. Was a suit to much to ask for?

cascada first rehearsalTHAT BEING SAID, I adore Lena and both her entries. I think ‘Taken By A Stranger’ was a much better song than ‘Satellite’, and I suspect had she entered in 2011 with that song having not won the year before she’d have walked the Contest. It’s such a cool song. I can’t gush enough about how much I love it. It’s dark, moody and bewitching, like Lena herself. It has that ‘Euphoria’ quality to it, but I think Lena going into the Contest after having a cute song like ‘Satellite’ just confused people and put them off. They expected sugary sweet when all she could give them was bitterness. I fricking loved it, and her, and wish Germany would send more stuff like it. They’re so much better than the generic stuff they sent in 2012-13.

Oh reference point for mine, I loved No Angels song. And Alex Swings…who could fail to live, “LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, DITA VON TEESE,” even though no-one to this day knows who she is.

Padraig: From class clown to star pupil, that’s how I’d describe Germany’s recent Eurovision record. The 00’s wasn’t a great time for German entries and more often than not they found themselves floundering near the bottom of the leader board. But then Lena came along and ushered in the 10’s with a bang, and what a bang it was. “Satellite” is probably my favourite Eurovision song of all time (although occasionally, depending on my mood, “Euphoria” might shove it off the top spot). A simple, gimmick free, pop classic about a young woman buying blue underwear to impress her boyfriend? What more could you want?

Ever since, Germany has brought its A-game. And even Cascada’s supposed dud is leagues ahead of some of the trudge Germany offered in the past. Are people forgetting how awful Alex Swings and No Angels were? I really hope that this year was just a blip and Germany return to the right (aka left) side of the table in 2014. I really don’t want them to revert back to their 00s nadir.

David: To date there is a single Eurovision song my middle daughter likes – and that’s No Angels. She has it in her iPhone while declaring all other ESC tunes “awful.” And I like it too.

Mike: I am also still listening to No Angels and Texas Lightning. They deserved much better place than where they ended up! I am also very pleased with how Germany chooses its performer. In 2013 they asked well-known artists to write a song, just like France and UK. But Germany asks the performers first to write the song and then the country can choose their favorite. When they choose their songs like this, I think they deserve the good placings like in 2010, 2011, and 2012.

Wiwi: Lena is my gurrrrrrl. I’ve already discussed why “Satellite” is deeper than folks think it is. And I think the staging of her 2011 entry “Taken By A Stranger” is one of the best of all time. It’s minimalist and stirring and monochrome, just like a Jil Sander collection. I also really loved Roman Lob’s “Standing Still.” It may lack the thrills (and cleavage) of a Lena or Cascada number, but it’s simple chorus and lyrics actually mask a rather complex argument. You can read more about this here. But the song’s most important semantic shift takes place at 1:47 when the chorus switches from “but I’m standing still” to “’cause I’m standing still.” “But” suggests confusion. “Because” suggests volition. He has the power to act, but chooses not to. For a heart-broken young man keen to start the next chapter in his life, “Standing Still” is actually about moving forward. That’s deep, y’all.

You can read all of our country profiles by clicking here.

Katie Wilson contributed this story from the U.K. Follow her on Twitter at @katiewillfly and like our Facebook page to keep up with the latest Eurovision news and gossip.

Photo: Eurovision.tv (EBU)

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Deven O'Kearney
Guest

It is no surprise that the Germans take Eurovision so seriously. It’s very popular there and a major deal. Like the rest of North western Europe, they focus a lot on their selection process in order to bring good songs and acts to the contest. As a result, Germany has done very well in recent years and who knows, there could be a 3rd win for Deutschland before we know it.

However, they have been in it every single year since 1957 (apart from 1996). So they should have won in and around 4 or 5 times.

Margaux
Guest

I also really liked Satellite, despite its stalkery qualities. However, my all-time favorite is still Dschinghis Khan. I have dance parties to that song all the time. http://www.germany-travel.org/dschinghis-khan-and-eurovision/

Lodovico
Guest
Lodovico

For me “Taken by a stranger” was the best and the most modern and sophisticated entry Germany has ever sent to the ESC. Televoters and juries may not have understood, but that’s just a detail.

Perhaps this could be interesting as well:
Some videos, shot just before she messed up the voting announcement, show that deep in her heart Lena is a comedian.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DafWKPEWXK4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yc4XQoR1AeI

Alex
Guest
Alex

LOL, yeah, it didn’t appear that many Europeans knew Dita Von Teese. Too bad for Oscar and Alex. Germany has been really awesome since all the way back to 2006, with the exception of No Angels’ dreadful performance (the song was really good) and Natalie Horler being offbeat for a few seconds. @D: There’s no way Cascada’s the worst German entry ever… go look at the performance of “Run & Hide” from 2005. I’ll mention the one entry since 2006 that nobody’s mentioned: namely, Roger Cicero in 2007. Eurovision needs more jazz, and I loved this performance. It’s a shame… Read more »

Julian
Guest
Julian

@Ruben 🙂 They are more successful and listen to than all the artists from Eurovision contest in any 3 consecutive years combined. And they are signed with Universal record company which means juries will absolutely love them.

Ruben
Guest
Ruben

It looks like I’m in minority here, but I absolutely hate “Taken by a stranger” by Lena. The song is so incredibly boring and I think it’s one of the most overrated songs of all time in the history of Eurovision. On the other hand I think that “Miss kiss kiss bang” by Alex Swings Oscar Sings and “Glorious” by Cascada are seriously underrated. These two songs deserved to do much better than they did.

Ruben
Guest
Ruben

@ Julian: Rammstein would never get Germany into the top 10, let alone the top 5. Not even in a million years. Their ‘music’ (I prefer to call it ‘noise’) is absolutely not accessible enough to a large audience. Moreover, you really think juries will even give 1 point to music like this?

Arianna
Guest

For some reason, Dita Von Teese is relatively popular over here, like you can get posters and bags and all sorts of merchandise. Kind like how Marilyn Monroe & Audrey Hepburn are idolised like crazy over here in North America lol..

I loved all of these entries 😀 Taken By a Stranger is so dark and mysterious ooooo

D
Guest
D

Germany is probably my favourite Big 5 country, however, look at their competition. Cascada has to be the single worst German entry ever to date in Eurovision. Very few German songs have been in my top 5, but I haven’t necessarily disliked many of them (except Cascada). My favourite was Lena’s “Taken By A Stranger,” closely followed by “Satellite.”

noah
Guest
noah

For all who love “Taken By A Stranger”: have a look at this video of Lenas concert in the excellent tv-series “[email protected]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pt5F7XTUR50 .
You’ll find a new interpretation of “Taken By A Stranger” with a surprising interruption. This is the version Lena played on this years “No-One-Can-Catch-Us-Tour”.
Of course there’s “Satellite” too, to finish the concert.
And – if you want – spend same time for her new songs, for example the amazing version of “Neon”.

Anthony Ko
Editor

Alexander’s correct. And you got 2008 and 2009 the wrong way round! Tut-tut!

Alexander Green
Guest

Just a minor correction to the article– the least scoring entry was No Angels in 2008, not Cascada. Great job!

Joseph
Guest
Joseph

I really enjoyed reading this!! Look forward to the other countries 😀

Julian
Guest
Julian

Rammstein would be top 10 (if not top 5) guaranteed.

Sam "Sopon"
Guest

I want to see a Ukraine profile!

Zack
Guest
Zack

Yay! My fav is 1975. Joy sang the F**K outta that song! I love the shriek before the final chorus! If you’re gay (and I’ll add another inclusion criteria, American…) and don’t know who Dita Von Teese is, you deserve to have your gay card removed! Besides, she’s the former wife of none other than Marilyn Manson!