In a bid to show they’re still young and possess all their hips, Buranovskiye Babushki and Engelbert Humperdinck could enter as a sign of Anglo-Russian friendship, and with a mash-up of their songs could enter ‘Party Will Set You Free’ and then sweep the board with the stripped back strings of Engelbert’s songs and the Babushki’s fun and home-baking. Proving you don’t have to be a whipper snapper to do well at Eurovision.
Never have four more fearsome femme fatales been seen on a Eurovision stage. Enter Azerbaijan’s Sabina Babayeva, Nikki, Safura and Aysel – the fiercest femmes in the whole land of fire. They’re the complete girlband – Sabina AKA Blow ‘Em Away Baku (because let’s face it she has a killer vocal), Nikki AKA Button It Baku (because every girl band has a gorgeous one who can’t sing), Safura AKA Batshit Baku (nobody wants to be on the receiving end of Safura if she’s been given a cat-walk and her man smells of lipstick) and Aysel AKA Brainy Baku (because books are always on her mind y’all and always in her heart).
Unfortunately for Agnes and Darin they couldn’t find anyone else to join them to create ADDA, but who cares because together they’re an unbeatable collab waiting to happen. Both are contemporary Swedish stars and survivors of Mel-Fest, and both know how to pull off dance the classy way instead of relying on heaps of synths and overproduction.
Blue struggled with being pitchy in Düsseldorf, Moje 3 struggled with being shrill in Malmö – combine them together and their vocal disaster days would be long gone. Blue’s lower vocal range will cut out the shrillness, and Moje 3’s pitch perfectness would gloss over Blue’s flaws. Of course they’d have to lose someone to return to the Eurovision stage, but the loss of Anthony Costa wouldn’t be too much for any of us to swallow now would it?
The Magic Flute
No-one can dispute how impressive the pop-opera-singing of Malena Ernman and Cezár Ouatu was on the ESC stage, but if they pinched Emmelie’s flute guy they’d have the perfect simplistic classical collab waiting to happen. Better yet they could hijack the name of a classic opera for an added touch of class – not that these two vocal gymnasts need it.
The Balkan Girls
Elena Gheorge, Paula Selling and Elena Ionescu are some of Bucharest’s brightest, so it’s only sensible the ladies should get down together to form the biggest girlband rival to Baku Babes on the horizon. They could also add a little Latin flavour to the girlband rivalry, and turn up the Latin flare on the girls from the land of fire.
With such a crowded market of girlband’s and female collabs, the boys of 2012: Kurt Calleja, Roman Lob and Tooji thought they’d combine for survival. Kurt brings the fun, Roman brings the vocal and Tooji brings…his very, very flexible hips and considerable makeup team. Together they should be enough to go toe-to-toe with the ladies.
Hera have mercy on you, if you’ve scorned the mighty Hellenic Republic: from Greece comes their greatest Eurovision team ever assembled. Their mission: get Greece back into Eurovision. Together: Sakis Rouvas, Helena Paparizou, Kalomira, Giorgos Alkaios and Loukas Giorkas join forces to get Greece into Eurovision, money or no money. Combining their blend of traditional voices, white trousers, Greek dancing and Eurodance you’ll have to fight them off from getting through the door. OPA!
The Big 5
Lulu, Raphael Gualazzi, Natasha St. Pier, Julio Iglesias and Lena Meyer-Landrut. Legends one and all, and rightly so. Together they all reference high-points for the Big 5 Countries and represent the sporadic talent all 5 can display in the right circumstances on the Eurovision stage. They’re mission: convince Europe not to give up hope on the Big 5 in the Contest.
The 2000s were not kind to the Low Countries in terms of qualifications, but banding together how can they fail? Iris, Hind, Patrick Ouchène and Nuno Resende are ready to prove Europe wrong and show that they can make it to Saturday night.
What do y’all think? Do any of our fantasy groups have a bright future or have we missed a collab that’s just waiting to happen – comments below y’all!