Last week the team at Eurovision.tv announced a HUGE clearance sale on Eurovision merchandise, with items marked down by 50%. To celebrate all the bargains we’ve compiled a list of the top 10 craziest, weirdest and most pointless Eurovision items that have been on offer over the past few years. Believe it or not, all of these items are genuine and can probably still be found on some dodgy looking Ebay profiles!
10. Paradise Oskar (Finland 2011) Bag
It’s not clear whether this bag was made to support or mock Paradise and his Eurovision song. “Da da dumb?” may simply be refer to the lyrics of the song, or imply that the song is, well, dumb. Judging by the question mark, it’s probably the latter. To avoid confusion, the bag should say “da da dum”, and be a little bigger so it can actually be useful for something.
9. Nina Badric (Croatia 2012) Notebook
Despite the slightly scary photo on the cover, a Nina Badric notebook is actually quite a nice idea. Imagine taking notes and scoring the Eurovision final in a Nina notebook! But at the same time, imagine writing your shopping list in it and taking it to Tesco, imagine writing lecture notes in it at college, imagine being Nina and writing a new song in it! Then it would get a bit weird.
8. Emmelie De Forest (Denmark 2013) Flute
The first obvious question when we see Emmelie trying to flog these flutes is, “Why is she encouraging people to play the flute?” Surely she doesn’t want to replace Europe’s favourite flute player? Let’s hope it’s because she’s planning a performance in Copenhagen with an entire army of hot flute players, and that she’s producing thousands of these things. Now that would be brilliant, #MyEurovisionIdea is sorted!
7. Alyona Lanskaya (Belarus 2013) Sweets
As appetising as those psychedelic bonbons look, offering food at Eurovision all seems a bit pointless. They’ll be eaten in about 20 minutes and those E-numbers will send the majority of the audience completely hyper! Imagine the colour of your tongue after eating a packet of “Solayoh” sweets. What would be your souvenir from Belarus? A sore tummy and a crumpled sweet packet? No thanks.
6. Lordi (Finland 2006) Cola
Seeing this in your local convenience store would truly give you a fright! Everyone would have thought that the “hard rock” Lordi would rather paste their faces on whiskey bottles than fizzy soft drinks, but clearly not. At least they were rock and roll enough to avoid the diet Cola and sponsor only the full sugar range. Let’s just hope no-one turns into a monster after drinking this.
5. Krista Siegfrids (Finland 2013) Lipstick
Despite this being a pretty random thing for Krista to sell to fans, it could have some uses. 1000 lipsticks could be shipped to TRT headquarters in Turkey, and Krista’s fans, or “Dingdongers” as they’re known, could run into the office and draw on the face of whoever’s idea it was to ban her performance from Turkish TV at the Eurovision final. Lipsticks will begin the #TeamDingDong revolution!
4. Farid Mammadov (Azerbaijan 2013) USB Stick
Before anyone is tempted to try and find one of these Azerbaijani pen drives, ask yourself this: Does it come with a free replica attached to it, only stuck in a glass box? No. It doesn’t. Therefore step away from the USB stick. It goes without saying that one of these will probably contain more viruses than points Farid received in the Eurovision final. Using one of these would not be a good idea.
3. Loreen (Sweden 2012) Lego Figure
In regards to these Loreen figures, it’s not clear what the weirdest thing about them is. Is it the fact that someone had the time to make a Loreen lego doll or the fact that it looks more like Rambo Amadeus than Loreen? The creepy smile and dodgy hair totally ruins it. Also, these figures will not be capable of reenacting the infamous Euphoria crab-dance. So why bother?
2. Eric Saade (Sweden 2011) Hotpants
It’s difficult to know how to respond when you see hotpants available on the Official Eric Saade Website. Yes, the official website. The first thought is that it would make more sense to buy an Eric Saade hat or scarf, so then you can wave it at concerts to show you’re a true Eric Saade fan, or “Saadist” as they’re known. (Seriously). The second thought, is that the first thought doesn’t matter.
1. Jedward (Ireland 2011 and 2012) Noodles
This is no joke. Jedward noodles are a real thing. Somewhere in Europe, an Aldi superstore will have JEDWARD NOODLES on the shelf. It would be a rip-off if these beef noodles didn’t come with added Jedward-ness, that being red and silver glitter, a scent of hairspray and hopefully the noodle strands will come in a quiff shape that looks more like Jedward’s hair than actual noodles. Okay, we need to find some of these!
You can read more of our lists by clicking here.