Last night the Wiwi Jury—our in-house panel of musical unprofessionals—watched a suckling pig roast on a spit at Tsiskvili, an amazing restaurant and water mill museum in Tbilisi. Then we got down to the important business of reviewing The Shin’s Eurovision 2014 song “Three Minutes to Earth”. Was it out of this world—or simply lost in space? Read on to find out…
“Three Minutes to Earth” Reviews
Angus: As in 2012 I still can’t actually make it through the entire Georgian song. The truly bizarre mix of hippy message, folk music and yodelling truly rubs me up the wrong way. The diction is also pretty terrible and I’m terrified of the female singer. Georgia does at least get points for the random chorus…I’ve got no idea what skydivers are doing in orbit but the Georgians carry it off as if they’re just running of a shopping list. So bravo for that if nothing else.
Score: 3/10
Anthony: Having survived Anri Jokhadze’s “I’m A Joker” in Baku, I thought, “Surely this is as low as Georgia can go”. Two years later, however, I realize that I was completely wrong. Coupled with baffling lyrics, “Three Minutes to Earth” is so unbearably dull and cheesy, it makes watching paint dry look like an Olympic event. I’d rather rave to PingPong’s “Be Happy” at the Euroclub than have to go through all this again. Just like Anri in 2012, I am desperately hoping that Georgia takes an early exit this year. “Three Minutes To Earth”? More like three minutes on my toilet break when this comes on. In the words of Nicki French: “Don’t Play That Song Again”!
Score: 1/10
Bogdan: Apparently Georgia wanted to remind us that this is a song contest and submitted a jazzy tune with folk and world music influences. “Three Minutes To Earth” takes almost one minute to take off and, just when I feel like I get where it’s going, poof!, it ends crashes. This would be great on the stage of Montreux, but in Copenhagen it will sound terribly out of place and anachronistic. Yes, Eurovision is a song contest and the Georgian entry is a song, but that’s not enough.
Score: 3/10
Deban: The enigma was sacrificed seconds after the folky wail. Why even attempt to present this in English? Alas, this is what Georgia does best–shocking the entire continent! I applaud acts that inject uniqueness and originality. However, The Shin & Mariko (S&M??) aren’t drawing new beginnings here. They’ve retraced Woodstock, but very badly. The video, which only non-voting nationals, and die-hard Eurovision fans will see, is the only slightly redeeming feature of this song presentation.
Score: 1.5/10
Vebooboo: The Shin asks us to show them the stairway to get back to Earth. After suffering through 3 minutes of torture, Ima close the door to that stairway and lock up the key deep in my nether region where nobody will want to go. I mean, when this “song” starts I literally have a vision of being on a remote Native American reserve in New Mexico surrounded by people performing a raindance. Then all of a sudden some crazy Afro hairdo woman starts shrieking and dancing awkwardly, and the whole thing goes from surreal to literally out of this world. Just like the female singer, this song never establishes any form of rhythm and remains a constellation of random sounds, shrieks, squeals, and movements. Think Jackson Pollock on a bad day, scattering feces all over a canvas. Now sign that canvas with The Shin’s name and you’ve got the picture. Needs to go.
Score: 1/10
Billy: That’s hilarious! The rather scant lyrics — mostly “yeah, yeah, hooo” — are repeated while Mariko shrieks. They may think bringing some folklore decorations and interperative dancers will help them reach the final, but they’re wrong. And by the way: have they stiched together two separate songs?!
Score: 1/10
Padraig: “Three Minutes to Earth”? More like three minutes of glorified noise. It’s basically a hotchpotch of musical calamities. Between the caterwauling, the dodgy strings and vocals reminiscent of Miranda’s Heather Small impersonations, I struggle to pinpoint the worst aspect of the song. The whole thing is a mess, way past the point of redemption. There are no quick fixes which could possibly make this din anyways palatable in time for Copenhagen. By far the worst entry of 2014.
Score: 1/10
James L: Do they know they’re from the Tbilisi, Georgia and not the Atlanta, Georgia? There’s something about the acoustic guitar yodeling that just screams down-home country bluegrass. Nothing wrong with that, but The Shin take it to a bizarre place with mumbly vocals and discordant string-plucking that just sound a bit too free-spirited. And if their presentation video is at all a preview of their stage act, the heavy smoke machine and extra zombie hippies wandering around will just add to the “huh?” effect.
Score: 2/10
Katie: This is definitely the “WTF?” song of Eurovision this year. What’s going on? Is it traditional Georgian music? I doubt it… I just don’t understand! They all seem a bit possessed, banging on their instruments and wailing in the middle of all that smoke and fake grass. The woman looks like Kelly Hoppen, but she does have a nice voice. It’s a shame that I don’t have a bloody clue what she’s singing about! It’s just all a bit weird, and I’m bored by the end of it. Nothing exciting happens, there isn’t much of a change in dynamic apart from a load of feathers appearing out of nowhere! Although I do hope that they bring the Hawaiian shirts and REALLY odd dance moves to Denmark. One word to describe this song: Odd. It’s three minutes that I could really do without in Copenhagen.
Score: 3/10
Wiwi: Continuing the trend whereby Georgia’s Junior Eurovision contestants outshine their adult counterparts, The Shin feat. Mariko whips out a can of crazy and leaves me saying WTF? I’m fairly certain that drugs were involved in the filming of the video. I appreciate their originality—and Mariko’s ability to werk that handshaker. I just wish the song was more cohesive. It’s like they threw 17 different genres in a blender and hoped it would come out OK. The result is colourful yet bland, unique yet totally unpalatable.
Score: 1.5/10
All 19 members of our jury rate each song. However, we only have room to share 10 written reviews. Here are the remaining nine scores.
Francheska: 0.25/10
Zach: 3.5/10
Mario: 1/10
Patrick: 0/10
Mike: 3/10
Maxim Montana: 4/10
Ramadan: 1/10
Sami: 0/10
William: 3.6/10
The highest and lowest scores are removed before calculating the final score. We have dropped a low of 0 and a high of 4.
The Wiwi Jury Verdict: 1.79/10
You can check out our latest Eurovision 2014 reviews and rankings on the Wiwi Jury page. You can keep up-to-date on the latest Eurovision news and gossip by following the team on Twitter @wiwibloggs and by liking our Facebook page.
It’s now #2 on my list after Greece. Then again, I didn’t think much first thing and I have now heard it 36 times. I like the jangly bits most of all and she is a great singer. Rather this than the cod-American efforts of Belarus or Denmark.
The weird thing about this song is, this wasn’t even the worst one on my scorecard (I’ve got Latvia and Lithuania at the bottom).
MMMM
at the begining I thought I was listening to a rehearsal, sounded like the band were still tuning up, then i realised it was the start of the track.
Is it Folk? Is it Country? Is it Rock? No sure it’s any of the above.
Yes the staging is bound to be whacky, but don’t think we will be seeing it more than once.
Sorry
It’s nothing like we’ve heard this year.. Going to be so wacky on stage, I cannot wait. I feel sorry for loving it simply cause it’s totally out there. But maybe that was their goal? idk.. the lady reminds me of River Song from Dr.Who though!
@Veebooboo – your critique just made me laugh so hard. As the latest passion of mine is painting, I would sure love to purchase that Pollock’s canvass smeared with feces. You do know that there are paintings made with feces and selling for loads of money
It succeeds in making me laugh. For that it should indeed be awarded 1.79 points. lol.
I prefer tis song than Joker..!!
Anyway, is 2014 troll
hahaah they look “smoking”, maybe is a clip of American Pie or Scary movie XDD. At least we (and of course they) have fun.
This will stir up the hornet’s nest. It is certainly quirky, the theme reminds me of David Bowie’s Space Oddity way back in 72′. This has many levels and has been cleverly put together, not for those looking for instant gratification. 7/10
Bogdan, you are one of the juries I am particularly interested in hearing what you have to say. Good on you! I do not agree this is worse than Joker. Now that Joker was pure hell. I tell you, hell. Having traveled to Georgia, I think this represents a new wave and resurgence of innovation on the Eurovision forefront. If I’m not mistaken, Georgia also just selects the artist/song much like the UK, so clearly, they learned a thing or two, Joker was a flop. And for the love of Eurovision, I don’t care to read any critique that will… Read more »
I’m embarrassed for the Wiwi Jury!
A lot of weird effects and decoration cannot mask the fact that underneath is quite a weak song. Such a disappointment.
And btw I actually really liked I Am the Joker in Baku
First, the female vocalist has an amazing voice and sounds a little bit like Cher.
Second, don’t stage this entry in Copenhagen like the video.
Third, it would have probably stood more chance of qualifying if sung in their native tongue as the lyrics are quite bizarre in English!
I think this will struggle to qualify for the Final but I don’t think it is anywhere near as bad as all the reviewers have made it out to be…
How about getting Katie Melua to be the 2015 Georgian entry? Almost certainly 12 points from the UK if you do!
@ Eme – thanks for the clarification
@ Zolan, ESCAddict – Nicely put! I was just too outraged last night to choose explanation before complaint 😉 Zolan, your explanation was spot on, exquisite yet understandable. The line on the poor attentiveness of the average watcher should be an eye-opener.
@ Chesco – Is it me or does your comment actually reek of an agenda? Opinion and propaganda are two seriously different things, you know…
It has elements of traditional Georgian music and is cleverly composed, I like it!
Musically sophisticated and thematically subtle, it doesn’t make things easy enough for the semi-attentive televoter.
The lyrics use poetic and inventive imagery, but are let down a bit by patchy scansion and grammar. It’s a mystery to me why artists so often fail to consult an English writer for English lyrics.
Nevertheless, its compositional strengths make it a personal favourite. Something to be savoured, like a gourmet meal of quality ingredients, rather than relying on sauce to compensate. It reminds me of petrichor.
Three Minutes to Earth is a WTF song & I have to love it for that. One thing I expect from ESC is diversity & there is no song like Georgia’s. I don’t recall any song in any year sounding like this. I have to respect any song that does not look like it was develped from market research into what will be popular with the kids. I like Three Minutes to Earth better than the current & previous Danish entries. The strange thing is I am beginning to get Three Minutes to Earth. I am starting to look forward… Read more »
Markelbron has a point 0 was indeed not necessary. And there is not only 10 scores that can be given. I’ve seen 0.25 , 1.5 , 5.5 , 8.5 , 9.5 , a huge range of scores.
This is appalling by any one’s standards. Is it supposed to be Georgian “country”? why is is sung in English? why are the lyrics practically non-existent? what does it all mean? why can’t any of the singers sung in tune together? why all the ayayayays? Awful
marklebron: There’s only 10 scores we can give. Some songs are just too bad to get 1. And some songs who get 1 are better than the worst song in the competition, so you need to give it 0.
Wiwijury is always the least I thought about. It’s all about preference and you obviously don’t prefer this song.
Here’s my TOP 37 video so see what I think of this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPJEzLFh5_I
Depending how the live will sound it may be a dark horse like last year Hungary or Malta. And it should go ok with juries. There are quite a few worse songs.
I like this song. Mariko’s voice is beautiful. It may not attract people as fast as ‘Miracle’ does but it’s an ok one. There are worse songs this year for me. (4/10)
Who are reviewing this, some kids?
It’s like 5 songs in one. And sometimes they overlap.
I actually LOVE this song so much. Very classy and eclectic, not like the other songs. This song is very forward and very hard to combine all the riffs and chords, so I guess that’s why it has an uncommon structure. This is a song contest, and every song should stands out from the others.
“I’d rather rave to Ping Pong’s Be Happy at the Euroclub..” haha surely Wiwibloggs, you don’t care about the quality of the songs, you just care about the songs that could get you move at the Euroclub..
Oops! *taken seriously
Dear All, It’s a good thing you always open up reminding us you are a team of “music unprofessionals.” However, you could have spared the self-inflicted shame this time. One may like or dislike this song, love it or hate it to bits, for a number of reasons; but it takes planning and a lot of free typing space to write such nonsense. Even to a person who utterly dislikes the song, it will be crystal clear that it takes some certain degree of mastery (pretty much, I’d say) to pull off a composition and recording such as this. Unless… Read more »
Yeah, I disagree with the Wiwi jury totally on this one. This may be my favorite song this year.
I think Georgia will be in final this year.
Is it possible Georgia can’t afford to host next year and wanted to be very sure they would not win?
This is one of those songs everybody seems to hate but that I love. It’s weird, it has no structure, it sounds messy, but I like it! And I love Mariko’s voice. Admittedly it will likely stay in the semi final, but regardless, I enjoy the song.
i love georgias song!
I think it’s disrespectful awarding a song a zero. I wouldn’t doing… personally.
Awwh hell naaww! Nil point.
It’s soo awful that I like it along with the bizarre music video where it seems they are all on marijuana and reliving the 70’s
Wacko shit
At least it is more original than most of the songs we’ll hear in Copenhagen ..
Mariko has great vocals.
It´s my 34th this year, so it´s not that horrible! 😛
Who the hell is that Mike? How old is he? Nine? Montenegro 2, and this junk 3???? I advise you ask for some help dude 😉
I actually like this one a little, and I find the music video extremely interesting. I would’ve liked it more if the song was in Georgian though since that would’ve made it seem more “real” due to its message.