The road to becoming Eurovision’s Next Top Model is long and winding, and it’s filled with countless dangers. Hair curlers can burn your scalp. Waxing can leave you screaming. Fellow contestants can step on your feet with their stilettos, usually deliberately. But the biggest hurt of all comes when our readers decide that it’s time for you to go home. For three of you ladies, that time is now. Welcome to the first elimination of Eurovision’s Next Top Model 2014.
Twenty-five mostly beautiful women stand before me, but I only have 22 photos in my hands. These photos represent the 22 of you who are still in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Model. Those of you whose names I do not call must immediately return to the House of Wiwi, pack up your mascara, and go home.
Since March 24, our readers have cast a total of 9,267 votes. The woman finishing in first place this week has earned a staggering 2,088 of them, or around 23%. Her homeland has been gripped by conflict in recent weeks. But she’s managed to carry herself with dignity while giving us her best Michael Jackson impersonation in her official music video. She’s singing “Tick Tock” and her time has come. She is Ukraine’s Maria Yaremchuk.
Congratulations Maria. You’re still in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Model.
The woman finishing in second this week is no stranger to this competition. In 2010 she won Eurovision’s Next Top Model in a landslide. She could have rested on her laurels, stopped going to the gym, and lived off the wealth of her lucrative modelling and recording contracts. But she didn’t. She kept going to the gym. She kept singing. And now she’s back and looking better than ever. She’s earned an impressive 1,779 votes or 19%. Her song is “Miracle” and she is absolutely miraculous. She’s a beauty from Bucharest….she is Romania’s Paula Seling.
Congratulations Paula. You’re still in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Model.
The woman in third place this week has shown us that Eurovision can go haute without going haughty. Her music video for her entry “La mia città” showcases her edgy looks. While other contestants slip into ball gowns, this rocker slips on some shredded jeans and werks the eye-liner. Her unique look has helped her earn 783 votes or 8.5%. Her song makes us move and she makes us shout Mamma mia! She’s the femme fatale from Florence. She is Italy’s Emma Marrone.
The woman who finishes in fourth this week doesn’t just have the luck of the Irish—she has the good looks of the Irish, too. In her song “Heartbeat” she tells listeners to hold on to her heartbeat. We’re pretty sure they want to hold on to a lot more than that. She’s earned 652 votes or around 7%. She’s stunning, she’s articulate, and she’s still in the race. She is Ireland’s Kasey Smith!
Finishing in a close fifth this week is a woman who knows how to turn on the heat and “Start a Fire”. With her soulful voice and mysterious eyes, she charmed the Azerbaijani jury and now she is charming all of you with her beauty, charisma, uniqueness and talent. So much so that you gave her 632 votes, or around 7%. She’s a beauty from Baku. She is Azerbaijan’s Dilara Kazimova!
Maria, Paula, Emma, Kasey and Dilara were the only women to earn more than 600 votes. They’re off to a running start and are leaving the rest of you laides in the dust. The following 12 women have finished in sixth through 17th place. This week all of you are safe—but that is a word we hate in this competition. You need to turn up the heat or you will go down in flames. Congratulations. You’re still in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Model.
6. Spain’s Ruth Lorenzo 400 votes, 4.32%
7. Poland’s Cleo 326 votes, 3.52%
8. Israel’s Mei Finegold 314 votes, 3.39%
9. Austria’s Conchita Wurst 310 votes, 3.35%
10. United Kingdom’s Molly Smitten-Downes 300 votes, 3.24%
11. The Netherlands’ Ilse DeLange 255 votes, 2.75%
12. Sweden’s Sanna Nielsen 211 votes, 2.28%
13. Russia’s Tolmachevy Sisters 193 votes, 2.08%
14. Lithuania’s Vilija Mataciunaite 163 votes, 1.76%
15. Estonia’s Tanja 146 votes, 1.58%
16. Portugal’s Suzy 118 votes, 1.27%
17. San Marino’s Valentina Monetta 117 votes, 1.26%
Would Cristina, the women of Elaiza, Hersiana, Tinkara, Tijana, Katrina, Michelle, and Mariko please step forward.
We are very disappointed in you ladies. The eight of you have only managed to secure 480 votes among you. That’s less than Azerbaijan’s Dilara got on her own, and not even a fourth of what Maria managed to secure (and with an invasion on). If you can’t muster even 100 votes, how can you expect to earn tens of thousands at Eurovision?
18. Moldova’s Cristina Scarlat 90 votes, 0.97%
19. Germany’s Elaiza 82 votes, 0.88%
20. Albania’s Hersiana Matmuja 80 votes, 0.86%
21. Slovenia’s Tinkara Kovac 78 votes, 0.84%
22. FYR Macedonia’s Tijana 65 votes, 0.7%
23. Latvia’s Katrina Dimanta 30 votes, 0.32%
24. Malta’s Michelle Mifsud 30 votes, 0.32%
25. Georgia’s Mariko 25 votes, 0.27%
Cristina, you brought the drama at the Moldovan national final and had men dressed as Japanese warriors on stilts twerking behind you. But are you getting too comfortable? You seem to have left the sizzle in Chisinau.
Elaiza, there are three of you and that may be the problem. None of you stands out and you’re each getting lost in the crowd.
Hersiana, you’re one of our favourite ladies in this year’s competition, but sometimes we worry that you don’t believe in yourself. In a field of divas, it’s important that you remember to put yourself first.
Tinkara, you managed to sexualise the flute at Slovenia’s national selection. And you have come to this competition with some of the craziest promotional photos ever. But now that you’re in the race you seem to be holding back. Let go, or we’ll let go of you.
Tijana, you make androgyny sexy and you know how to do geek chic with those glasses. But at times we worry that you’re showing your age. This is the search for Eurovision’s Next Top Model. Not its next top MILF. Put on your sunscreen, or you may just get burned.
Katrina, you’re one-fourth of Latvia’s Aarzemnieki. Michelle, you’re part of Firelight. Both of you ladies provide backing, and that really shows in this competition. You need to step to the front in order to be a star. Are you ready to take centre stage? Or do you want to lurk in the shadows forever?
Mariko, you bring a real zaniness to this contest. When we watched your music video we asked ourselves, “Who is that fiery redhead werking that handshaker?” You’re the supporting artist for The Shin, and we want you to shine. But sometimes you let wild overshadow the woman, and you let your fiery locks dominate your photos. A model needs to let go, but she also needs to exercise control. We’re worried you’re slightly too unhinged
So who stays? The solo artists who are used to owning the stage but are coming up short? Or the backing singers too afraid to push to the front?
Cristina, Elaiza, Hersiana, Tinkara and Tijana—congratulations. You all are stil in the running to become Eurovision’s Next Top Model.
Katrina, Michelle and Mariko, you must now return to the loft, pack up your diet pills and go home. And don’t take any of our towels. If you do we will make sure your audio cuts during the semi-finals.
The semi-finals are still on, so be sure to cast your vote for Eurovision’s Next Top Model 2014!
You can see the results of previous contests by visiting the Eurovision’s Next Top Model Hall of Fame. You can also keep up-to-date on the latest Eurovision news and gossip by following the team on Twitter @wiwibloggs and by liking our Facebook page.