Early this morning the Wiwi Jury—our in-house panel of musical unprofessionals—caught a bus to Wadowice, Poland to visit the birthplace of Pope John Paul II. After cleansing ourselves with holy water, we sat down for the less holy act of reviewing Clep and Donatan’s Eurovision 2014 song “We Are Slavs.” Did we want to forsake our passports and head East? Or did Cleo’s aggressive rapping have us running for the Western border? Read on to find out..

Vebooboo: Welcome back, Poland. And more importantly, thanks for the comic relief. Sorry, folks, but I can’t take this one seriously. I question the extent to which people will understand Cleo’s rapping, because it’s way too fast and way too unclear for the average TV viewer. The one redeeming quality of this number is its originality — I have never seen something this out there in the competition, and for that I give Poland mad respect. And who knows, maybe with some cleverly provocative staging Poland’s Slavic beauties will get to shake their booties in the Final.

Score: 5/10

Angus: Cleo is totally getting up in our grills here! It’s the more in your face upstart little sister to 2009’s ‘The Balkan Girls’. The ethnic rap works because Cleo has such a determined attitude and the accordion-flecked middle 8 is pretty amazing. Unfortunately, rap has a tortured history in the contest and for all her considerable sass, I’m not sure Cleo nor accordion-wielding Donatan will be able to overcome it. The vibe is definitely right, though, and Warsaw deserve to be back at the Grand Final, y’all. It’s been five years!

Score: 6/10

Billy: Poland has such an awful track-record of choosing appalling entries that I was sure they’d up their game in 2014 and choose something strong for their big return to Eurovision. They didn’t. Everything is awful from the lyrics to the music to the singers. I loved the voloptuous girls presented in the video, but I can’t say the same for the folk music. I hope this doesn’t make the final.

Score: 3/10

Padraig:  Welcome back Poland! I’d like to say that I missed them, but honestly, with such lacklustre pre-break showings I barely noticed they were gone. Thankfully, they have returned from their ESC vacation ready to make amends for past sins. On paper “My Slowanie” is a stereotypical Eurovision song – a hand clapping, ethnic flavoured, “message” song sung by a busty blonde. However, Donatan & Cleo invert the formula to produce a feminist call to arms, albeit more in the vein of the Spice Girls than Emily Pankhurst. Some say the juries will crucify this, but can they really ignore over 40 million Youtube views and massive domestic sales? Poland have risen, Lazarus style, from their usual pit of mediocrity and deserve their place in the Grand Final.

Score: 7/10

Donatin Cleo Slavic Girls

Bogdan: I was so excited to hear that Poland would be coming back to ESC! It’s one of my favourite countries in Eurovision. The song they chose is interesting. It definitely sounds Polish and that’s a good thing. However, I am worried that it won’t fare well in Copenhagen. I get that the original “My Slowianie” video had over 40 million hits, but I’m afraid that the cheekiness of the track is lost in translation – and no, adding English lyrics doesn’t help. It’s also a bit too shouty live. Juries might kill this little gem in the bud, and viewers might be none the wiser. The only thing that they might find appealing, besides the predictable cleavage, is the flawless instrumental part in the middle, which might be the song’s salvation if they stage it cleverly.

Score: 7/10

James L: All right. I kind of get it. It’s like a strong, sassy song that makes fun of Polish chauvinism or something. But come on, Eurovision is not the best venue for parody – the performance goes by so fast, people will either take it seriously and be put off, or they’ll just think it’s a joke. And musically this is something that just gets on my nerves – is it singing or whining? And is that really a melody? I might have to make this brash act one of my bathroom breaks.

Score: 2/10

donatan cleo

Deban: Poland bowed out of the competition in 2012 and 2013, but now they’re back. As we’ve come to expect, they do little to elevate the quality of the contest. Cleo and Donatan’s voices grate on me. Their speech-rap schlager is borderline annoying. Furthermore, showing excessive cleavage and aggressively writhing with an all-female clan of cultural purists, does not light my fire. In addition, they’ve missed out on key promotional events, which clearly won’t do them any favours. To summarise my view: There’s no chance in hell of this advancing beyond the semi final.

Score 2/10

Francheska: Oh my sweet lord I love “My Slowianie”. It would’ve been in my top 3 if it weren’t GOSH DARN TRANSLATED. But, I will be just. I am, after all, a fair dictator. The arrangement is extremely catchy. It takes Polish folk music and spices it up with modern dance/hip-hop/pop beats. The lyrics are also very good. I know that in the US, Slavs have been stereotyped as either being criminals or Russian brides, and in Western Europe they’re perceived as leeches. The song combats about a gazillion stereotypes at once, and makes fun of the patriarchy in Eastern Europe as well as those who fetishize the race. Slow clap for feminist rap. AN EFFING SLOW CLAP. My one concern is that at first it sounds a little ridiculous in English. Maybe it’s because it’s so wonderfully blunt, but to me it’s much more catchy and likable in Polish. Good luck! My grandpa’s orchard should bring good luck.

Score: 10/10

Donatan Cleo My SLowianie

Katie: I like this song. It’s a fun song. It’s not mocking Slavic culture like some people claim, it’s just having a laugh! Unlike most, I like the mix between Polish and English because people understand what they’re singing about AND Cleo seems a lot more confident singing in Polish. One of my favourite things about this song is the way that Cleo shouts the chorus, like a chant that we all need to join in with. It’s a really catchy song that gets lodged right in your head, and I can’t wait to clap along in Copenhagen. People in Europe will enjoy it, I’m sure. It’s a mix between tradition and coooool!

Score: 7/10

Wiwi: If you mess with Cleo, she’ll pull a razor blade out of her purse and cut you deep. I love her ghetto street edge. I love the way she shakes her small rear. I love the non-stop swagger and the fact that she says “cream and butter taste so good…we prepare for you delicious food.” The hand-clapping that opens this really draws me in and the beat keeps me gagging for more. The bridge is the perfect opportunity for some spectacular visuals. Let’s hope Warsaw makes it out of its semi and that Cleo can shake it once more in the final! If nothing else, I hope Europe appreciates this for the brilliant parody that it is.

Score: 6/10

All 19 members of our jury rate each song. However, we only have room to share 10 written reviews. Here are the remaining nine scores.

Anthony: 4.5/10

Mario: 6/10

Maxim Montana: 1/10

Mike: 9/10

Zach: 7/10

Patrick: 2/10

Ramadan: 5/10

Sami: 7/10

William: 6.7/10

The highest and lowest scores are removed before calculating the final score. We have dropped a low of 1 and a high of 10.

The Wiwi Jury Verdict: 5.45/10

You can check out our latest Eurovision 2014 reviews and rankings on the Wiwi Jury page. You can keep up-to-date on the latest Eurovision news and gossip by following the team on Twitter @wiwibloggs and by liking our Facebook page.

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Alexander
Guest

introducing rapping and hard drum beats in a song might make it modern but it doesn’t make it good. This is in my top 5 retarded songs this year with Cake to bake on first place. I understand many people are drawn to this kinda modern …”singing” but there’s not even a decent quality about it.

MoMo
Guest
MoMo

Beyonce
Gewn Stefani
Fergie
M.I.A

I blame you all

Leon
Guest
Leon

Ho ho, is this a Russian granny rip off with a bit of breast or two thrown in or maybe it’s the way they hold those sticks. Not a serious contender but it will get the boys going. 2/10

Jordan
Guest
Jordan

5.45/10? Wow, simply wow! This is the problem with ESC fans. They keep supporting the same outdated rubbish that has plagued Eurovision in the past. The fans are, without a doubt, part of what’s wrong with the contest. This is why ESC will never progress forward.

Dan RO
Guest
Dan RO

@ Marcelo N: I didn’t necessarily take it personally, not in a judgemental or ‘hurtful’ sort of way; I was rather amused by your comment – hence my reply. This site is, first of all, about fun. If people are passionate about one song or other – so much the better! (too bad many times things degenerate, but I won’t even comment on that). After all, ‘de gustibus non disputandum’ – or so it should be…

Marcelo N
Guest

@ Dan RO – I’m sad you thought I was referring to you!! Nope, I wasn’t. Both your usual comments and especially your reply to mine (even if it was not addressed to you) show there’s much more than Protozoa dancing around your grey matter 😉
On the other hand, I still think this is genius for the average ESC act. Mind you, I don’t see it getting such low scoring as everyone else is already anticipating.

Dan RO
Guest
Dan RO

@ Marcelo N: me and my protozoa had a special meeting and in the end we agreed that calling this a work of genius is a bit much 🙂

Margaret
Guest
Margaret

I wish the jury could gave a higher rank for our song. It’s very catchy, fresh and interesting!
Fun fact: Even Aram Mp3 from Armenia likes our song. He likes also the girls from video 😀

Chesco
Guest
Chesco

This is awful. It is tacky beyond human endurance, I love the dresses, though. It seems this year they are going for the “awww” factor, like the now classic old Russian ladies singing…bizarre, to say the least.

Dez
Guest

Dhani: This is also my number 1 as well.

I LOVE Poland’s song this year. It’s fresh, new, and very non-typical of what many people expect from the country. Poland is daring on their return, and I am also fearing a Montenegro astronauts (My Montenegrin astronauts 🙁 ). At least Francheska knows what’s up.

Franco
Guest
Franco

Bring in the babushki’s granddaughters, substitute cookies with butter, add the smartest satire about polish stereotypes, add Cleo’s own sassiness. This is THE song of this year’s Eurovision.
I think that the casual viewers who will not get the meaning of the lyrics will love it. And those who will get the meaning of the lyrics will love it even more.
Go Cleo!

Marcelo N
Guest

@ Francheska – I’m loving you this very minute! Your argumentation is crystal clear, and I applaud you. There may be people who will not like this song, ‘ffcourse. Lots. But whoever IN HERE failed to see the genius in this song (the broader public will not get the chance easily as it flies by in 3 minutes and they’ll remember the titties and the ethnic) should get a brain scan for any remnants of protozoic activity. @ David Thielen – I choked on my midnight coffee!! Photoshop should be banned for serious pictures, or else they should just let… Read more »

Alex
Guest
Alex

D: Or Poland 2011. Either way, I’d expect them to destroy it.

If they really do start the song with 2 minutes of Polish, I’d be surprised if they got very many points at all. I could see it having a similar reception to Serbia’s performance last year, except even less warm. Then again, who knows? Televoters might actually get what’s going on.

I greatly prefer the English version, and I hope they change the cut to have more English in it 😉

Zolan
Guest
Zolan

The message will be missed on the night, but the music won’t be, and the elements combine into a diverse muesli of delicious goodness.

Definite qualifier, worthy of top ten but might not find the votes.
Do it, not just for Poland, but for the honour of accordions everywhere 🙂

David
Guest
David

With a good performance this could make the top10

Robyn
Guest
Robyn

This is a really fun song, something that is scarce this year. Plus, judging by the stand-in rehearsal clip, this performance will have heaving bosoms and plenty of suggestiveness, which sounds like a perfect antidote to men singing about their mothers.

D
Guest
D

Love it, in my top 10. My only fear is that a Montenegro 2013 will happen again and the jury will destroy it.

David Thielen
Member

I’m concerned they didn’t airbrush that photo enough.

Dan RO
Guest
Dan RO

@gagaga I see you are a big fan, which I respect (although, as you can see, I am not 🙂 ), and I would like to say the following: – regarding Poland’s past choices, I actually LOVED Isis Gee in 2008 (what a voice!) and I was very dissapointed with the final result; – for some reason, this one doesn’t seem to be doing very well in the polls (not that any poll will determine the results of the actual contest, but I find this kind of paradoxical, since apparently I am the only one here who doesn’t like it;… Read more »

gagaga
Guest
gagaga

I dont understand, how can someone hates this song? Think people. At first, Poland is typical with boring ballads, which were very similar every year. So I didnt await something wow. But we have it. Every country choosed a song, which was written specialy for ESC – and these are songs with every Eurovision cliché, still the same music. Poland choosed song, which is not for Eurovision. And what it brings? It brings originality, new sound, something special amongst other songs. Hey people, be glad for this choice! They choosed a song, which is the biggest hit in their country.… Read more »

Eugene UK
Guest
Eugene UK

This song will EASILY qualify Deban…………………at least a 7/10. Juries will prevent this song getting into the Top 10, Top 15 very possible, but anything could happen!!! I’m beginning to think some of you guys do not have a clue what’s going on out there!!!!

Paige
Guest
Paige

I love it! My number 2 after Spain! I think that Poland has a good chance to qualify because Cleo has a really good voice and the song is really catchy. Plus a few diaspora votes don’t hurt them. I’ll be shocked if it doesn’t make the final!

CookyMonzta
Guest
CookyMonzta

I happen to think this is better than last year’s entry from Montenegro. In my 2 evaluations thus far, I have them qualifying. If they qualify, they’ll barely make or miss the top 20.

Dhani
Guest

again, the wiwi jury proves that they have no taste in music.

This is my number one this year, it is so fresh and the thing every eurovision needs! even though i know it won’t qualify because of the STUPID juries, who of course will prefer some stupid song like Belgium’s over this. God, i hate these juries so much.

Rashad
Guest
Rashad

The English lyrics don’t fit the music, and her accent is poor. She should sing it completely in Polish.
I like the song, the girls are hot, and it makes me dance. What else does a song need? I hope they’ll bring these girls on the stage in May.

Mateusz
Guest
Mateusz

They have a new song and a new video out!
Check CICHA WODA on YouTube

flower crown
Guest
flower crown

Polska Proud

Deven O'Kearney
Guest

As I said before and I will say it again. Cleo is not beautiful and I wouldn’t be surprised if she was Tulisa Contostavlos’s long lost sister. Donatan on the other hand looks like Vanilla Ice (ICE, ICE, BABY).

Dan RO
Guest
Dan RO

I was really confused when I read that some of the jury members found this ‘catchy’. So I decided to give it another chance and listened to it again…. Nope, still not getting it… Where is the fun in this?! I just find it abnoxious… And I really think some people give it way too much credit as far as the song’s intentions are concerned (not to mention the video) – they are not trying to make fun of whatever stereotypes, they are not trying to be clever, they are simply trying to be funny (and fail miserably!). It is… Read more »

Easpag
Guest
Easpag

Also, you’re going to have a tough job getting the last 11 reviews done in 7 days at your current rate.

Thiefo
Guest
Thiefo

I like playing the song in my ipod or in my car while driving to work, it’s upbeat and catchy, and once you get used to it (because I also thought it was just crap at first) it really is an enjoyable song. HOWEVER, I’m concerned of how it will sound live and I’m not too sure it will be that great.I was worried the same way last year about Montenegro, but Who See and Nina managed to deliver a decent live performance, so if Cleo achieves the same, it might have possibilities… though we know what happened with Montenegro… Read more »

Gavin
Guest
Gavin

Love it! And something a little different! Shake what ya mama gave ya!

Easpag
Guest
Easpag

I absolutely love this song. I so feel it will be crucified by the juries, but nevertheless, I would love for this to go through. Catchy and cheeky, it would be my number 1 if not for the English verse. But still one of my favourite songs overall, and my no.2.
10/10

And I thought Ramadan was going to crucify this. I was pleasantly surprised 🙂

suzy will win
Guest
suzy will win

9/10