The Wiwi Jury — our in-house panel of music unprofessionals — continues to rate and view the six entries competing in the UK’s Eurovision: You Decide. Next up we take a look at Britain’s Got Talent finalist Jordan Clarke and his version of “Freaks”. Did we feel the freak vibes? Read on to find out!
Jordan Clarke – “Freaks”
Angus: From his Twitter, you can tell Jordan is full of enthusiasm for Eurovision, and his voice brings something different to the competition – there’s a little grit and a radio-friendly quality to it. Unfortunately, the chorus of “Freaks” is dreadful. It brings back really unfortunate memories of the UK’s 2006 Eurovision song “Teenage Life”. The verses themselves are perfectly serviceable, but it is hard to get past the clunky chorus and tired production. A real shame as Jordan can clearly sing and is hungry for the competition.
Barnabas: The people who wrote this must have been drunk when writing, or maybe they’ve mistaken Eurovision with Johnny Knoxville’s iconic 2000s series Jackass! Really, putting “soccer” in a potential British entry?! Probably I’m not the only one annoyed by this, but let’s move on. While the verses are alright musically, poor Jordan hits the chorus and blasts my brain cells as well. Like, seriously, who on earth is reviewing the songs at BBC? How did they manage to select this musical abnormality? Hearing Pachelbel’s Canon in D copy-pasted in the chorus is not just off-putting, but as a musician myself, I am feeling highly offended by this. I may sound like a snob now, but this track is this national final season’s second biggest disappointment so far. I’m saying second, because MAID’s version is even worse. I wish Jordan has been given a better song, honestly.
Jonathan: Whoever decided to include the word “soccer” in a song that could potentially represent the UK needs to get themselves a thesaurus pronto! Besides this highly offensive lyric, the verses of Jordan’s version of “Freaks” are the best thing about the track and could have offered something interesting to the selection. Unfortunately, the chorus comes steamrolling in and turns this into what would no doubt be a great group karaoke song. I disagree with comments that this is the worst song ever selected for You Decide, as it does get my feet tapping along when I’m in the right mood. But I can’t say it’s the best either.
Kristin: Aww, I like Jordan. He’s such a sweetheart! I wish I could say the same about “Freaks”. The opening line killed it for me. Its almost as criminal as rhyming “fire” with “desire”. But Jordan is doing the best he can with the limited material here. And he does give the song a little bit of an edge and breathes some desperately needed life into it. Without him, this would just be a childish, overproduced drivel, which leaves you completely empty. Nothing remotely freakish going on here. Except maybe a freakish case of boredom?
Lucy: Soccer? SOCCER?! Oh BBC, how COULD you?! Anyway, moving on, Freaks’ verse sounds full of promise despite terrible linguistics…and then you hit the chorus. It’s poor, cheesy and very childish. I guess it’s almost catchy, but I’m not on board. Jordan is clearly a great artist and could’ve done something very cool with a more 5 Seconds of Summer style entry, but this seems like a rejected The Vamps song; not a compliment there. The weakest song of the bunch by a long shot, but despite all these things, Jordan’s version is far superior to MAID’s.
Robyn: The opening couplet of the song (“I was locked in the locker/I was picked last in soccer”) is so brightly and intensely American that it sounds like a reject from Glee. While Jordan is a talented performer, it’s incomprehensible that “Freaks” was selected to potentially represent the United Kingdom in Eurovision. At a pinch “Freaks” could have worked as a Busted album track… in 2003. In 2019, it feels like a relic from a different time, a different place.
In our Eurovision: You Decide Wiwi Jury, we have 12 jurors but only room for 6 reviews. The rest of our scores can be found below:
Before calculating the average score, the highest and lowest scores are dropped. This is to remove outliers and reduce potential bias. We have removed a low of 2 and a high of 7.5.