The Wiwi Jury — our in-house panel of music unprofessionals — continues to rate and view the six entries competing in the UK’s Eurovision: You Decide. Next up we take a look at Britain’s Got Talent finalist Jordan Clarke and his version of “Freaks”. Did we feel the freak vibes? Read on to find out!

Jordan Clarke – “Freaks”

“Freaks” reviews

Angus: From his Twitter, you can tell Jordan is full of enthusiasm for Eurovision, and his voice brings something different to the competition – there’s a little grit and a radio-friendly quality to it. Unfortunately, the chorus of “Freaks” is dreadful. It brings back really unfortunate memories of the UK’s 2006 Eurovision song “Teenage Life”. The verses themselves are perfectly serviceable, but it is hard to get past the clunky chorus and tired production. A real shame as Jordan can clearly sing and is hungry for the competition.

Score: 5/10

Barnabas: The people who wrote this must have been drunk when writing, or maybe they’ve mistaken Eurovision with Johnny Knoxville’s iconic 2000s series Jackass! Really, putting “soccer” in a potential British entry?! Probably I’m not the only one annoyed by this, but let’s move on. While the verses are alright musically, poor Jordan hits the chorus and blasts my brain cells as well. Like, seriously, who on earth is reviewing the songs at BBC? How did they manage to select this musical abnormality?  Hearing Pachelbel’s Canon in D copy-pasted in the chorus is not just off-putting, but as a musician myself, I am feeling highly offended by this. I may sound like a snob now, but this track is this national final season’s second biggest disappointment so far. I’m saying second, because MAID’s version is even worse. I wish Jordan has been given a better song, honestly.

Score: 2/10

Jonathan: Whoever decided to include the word “soccer” in a song that could potentially represent the UK needs to get themselves a thesaurus pronto! Besides this highly offensive lyric, the verses of Jordan’s version of “Freaks” are the best thing about the track and could have offered something interesting to the selection. Unfortunately, the chorus comes steamrolling in and turns this into what would no doubt be a great group karaoke song. I disagree with comments that this is the worst song ever selected for You Decide, as it does get my feet tapping along when I’m in the right mood. But I can’t say it’s the best either.

Score: 5.5/10

Kristin: Aww, I like Jordan. He’s such a sweetheart! I wish I could say the same about “Freaks”. The opening line killed it for me. Its almost as criminal as rhyming “fire” with “desire”. But Jordan is doing the best he can with the limited material here. And he does give the song a little bit of an edge and breathes some desperately needed life into it. Without him, this would just be a childish, overproduced drivel, which leaves you completely empty. Nothing remotely freakish going on here. Except maybe a freakish case of boredom?

Score: 4/10

Lucy: Soccer? SOCCER?! Oh BBC, how COULD you?! Anyway, moving on, Freaks’ verse sounds full of promise despite terrible linguistics…and then you hit the chorus. It’s poor, cheesy and very childish. I guess it’s almost catchy, but I’m not on board. Jordan is clearly a great artist and could’ve done something very cool with a more 5 Seconds of Summer style entry, but this seems like a rejected The Vamps song; not a compliment there. The weakest song of the bunch by a long shot, but despite all these things, Jordan’s version is far superior to MAID’s.

Score: 5/10

Robyn: The opening couplet of the song (“I was locked in the locker/I was picked last in soccer”) is so brightly and intensely American that it sounds like a reject from Glee. While Jordan is a talented performer, it’s incomprehensible that “Freaks” was selected to potentially represent the United Kingdom in Eurovision. At a pinch “Freaks” could have worked as a Busted album track… in 2003. In 2019, it feels like a relic from a different time, a different place.

Score: 3/10

In our Eurovision: You Decide Wiwi Jury, we have 12 jurors but only room for 6 reviews. The rest of our scores can be found below:

Antranig: 7.5/10

Chris: 3.5/10

Julian: 4.5/10

Luis: 3/10

Pablo: 2.5/10

William: 6.5/10

Before calculating the average score, the highest and lowest scores are dropped. This is to remove outliers and reduce potential bias. We have removed a low of 2 and a high of 7.5.

Wiwi Jury verdict: 4.25/10

See our list of Eurovision: You Decide 2019 rankings

Follow all our UK Eurovision news

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Álex
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Álex

You Brits are so exaggerated with everything. I can understand that the word “soccer” sounds odd to you but feeling highly offended?? As a Spaniard it would be strange to hear a typical South American Spanish word in a song to represent Spain, but never feel offended. Be happy that also other countries speak English, you’re not the centre of the world! By the way, I love this song.

Purple Mask
Guest
Purple Mask

Well, there is the Greenwich Meridian… at the centre of time at least. 😀

Aisling
Guest
Aisling

Soccer is kinda better than that one sentence ‘just wanna da da dance you off’ no hate on the song I liked it but I had to question that sentence just like soccer.

Stevan
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Stevan

4.25 is def too much for this

Thorula
Guest
Thorula

Quite fun to see British complaigning about one word in American ENGLISH when all over Europe people wish we keep our national languages at Eurovision. I mean, I understand what it represents for them, but it’s no big deal, you are just discovering how we felt every year

KYLLITO
Guest
KYLLITO

Barnabas….Pachebel’s Canon in D….you’re absolutely correct!

Lolek
Guest
Lolek

I don’t get the hate on for this entry, it’s fun and catchy.
I think we can all live if they said “soccer” instead of football, but maybe I’m a biased canadian.

Alon I srael
Guest
Alon I srael

i prefer this to all the rest..the text is not the best but this song makes you be in a good mood…aren’t we, eurovision fans, a family of freaks?
after i read your reactions i know that it won’t win… pity!

David F
Guest
David F

How was the decision made to send this song?

I can only imagine like this: “Yes, let’s go with this one, those freaks will love it. No, don’t bother changing soccer to football, it’s not like they’ll know the difference.”

David F
Guest
David F

If this song is a Bible, then it’s clearly sent to us by Eurovision infidels, and possibly apostates, considering that this Bible is so poorly written and it appears to label Eurovision followers as “freaks”. It’s not a religion I’ll be voting for and I doubt I’ll be converted. It seems so insulting and patronising to those it attempts to proselytise.

Jack
Guest
Jack

Didn’t like it at first but now the song is growing on me! even if Jordan performs well on Friday night, having ‘Soccer’ in the lyrics will cost him going to ESC.

Ted
Guest
Ted

I hated this upon first listen but it’s the only one that’s really sticking in my head. I also take issue with Jordan. Whist he’s a very handsome man, having viewed his other BGT auditions he doesn’t have a powerful enough vocal to be a lead singer. Yes he can hold a tune, but it’s not what I would look for in an outstanding performer. I had ranked this last in my list but I now prefer it to the other version by MAID. I have a gut feeling this will not come across well on the live EYD show.… Read more »

Vevee
Guest
Vevee

Listen to his version of Clean Bandit’s ‘Symphony’ on YouTube, he has much better voice than this song gives him credit for.

Floprina
Guest
Floprina

He won’t, don’t even say it.

Kovalska
Guest
Kovalska

The chorus is the main problem of the song – the verses are quite good. In fact, the melody in verses reminds me a little bit of melody in verses from Panic! At The Disco’s “Say Amen (Saturday Night)”. But Brendon Urie would never wrote such a weak chorus 😉

Richard
Guest
Richard

I loved this the first time I heard it, and I still love it now. Some people have no taste, or perhaps I’m one of the Freaks.

Petersu
Guest
Petersu

They totally ruin Canon in D, which is my spiritual song since I played the piano. Null point from me!

Charli Cheer Up
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Charli Cheer Up

It actually reminds me of Jason Mraz’s song Geek In The Pink. Quirky, fun & different. It could stand out in the competition well like Netta’s Toy did last year but it will all come down to staging of course and let’s be realistic about BBC’s team when it comes to ESC. They’re not quite there yet. So this song will have to pass.

Polegend Godgarina
Guest

this sounds like a junior eurovision entry….. freaks is so bad itself that neither version is remotely listenable

ESCFan2009
Guest
ESCFan2009

Lol. Every British is angry about soccer and me naive German is like: Of course it’s soccer, because you cannot rhyme “locker” with “football” 😀 😀

ESCFan2009
Guest
ESCFan2009

Oh, I forgot my rating ofc: 6/10 (remember, I gave MAID 8.5/10 😉 )

Cupcake
Guest
Cupcake

Haha.. right! But it’s propably like writing an Austrian Song with Kartoffel instead of Erdapfel or a North German one using Servus in the lyrics instead of Moin. 😀
Sakrileg..

Purple Mask
Guest
Purple Mask

The point is that it’s an easy re-write, as William Lee Adams demonstrated in the UK reaction video on YouTube. But it wasn’t done, because the people involved don’t care about Eurovision. It’s also indicative of the song itself, trying to put the singer and the audience into a box of “freaks” for the sake of something in common that is called “family”. It makes it sound as though it is the pro-International Eurovision fans who are the “freaks”, thereby alienating and labelling its target audience. If this was done deliberately, then it is the worst thing the organisers of… Read more »

ESCFan2009
Guest
ESCFan2009

About the family I am not sure if I understand your point correctly, Purple, but for me the message is like: All people who are “not-mainstream”, who are bullied or not accepted etc., should know that they are not alone and that they stand together – creating a “place for the broken”, where they can live their life in peace 🙂 For me the message is really nice 😀

Purple Mask
Guest
Purple Mask

Perhaps. But if the place for the broken sounds like a bad rip-off of Pachelbel’s Canon in D, I think I’ll stick with my actual family. Thanks, but no thanks. Also, those who are bullied or who believe in globalisation are not “freaks”, and certainly don’t “write their own bibles”. Bullying was and is a serious problem in schools all across the world, and should not be taken lightly, be labelled or put into a box. I have been direct to the songwriters, and I will gladly do it again: Please re-write the song. Otherwise I might very well start… Read more »

Floprina
Guest
Floprina

Or they could do “I was locked in the sportshall, I was picked last in football” that rhymes!

ESCFan2009
Guest
ESCFan2009

That’s great! I still don’t like your username though – poor Florina – but well 😛

Mark C
Guest
Mark C

Lyrically atrocious, yet this is the one I can remember the melody and find myself humming a lot the time.

James
Guest
James

This version of “Freaks” honestly sounds like something you’d hear from The Vamps and 5 Seconds of Summer. Is it cheesy? Yes. But is it downright Top 40 Britpop, at the moment yes. Is it safe? Yes. Is it memorable? With the use of Canon in the chorus, well, of course. Could it do well at Eurovision? Probably not. Is it a fun bop? Well for me, yeah.

😀

James
Guest
James

For musically-trained professionals: I hear Canon in D.

For keyboard-trained gamers: I hear that track from O2Jam.

Purple Mask
Guest
Purple Mask

Barnabas’ review is mine, almost word-for-word. Praise be Barnabas.

Colin
Guest
Colin

Jordan Clarke: Freaks – Few dodgy lyrics aside (which I mentioned in my other review), this version is really fun! It’s insanely catchy and I like the “marching band” vibe it has. While the song might be the most polarizing among the three, it’s also the least typical one. – 7/10

Purple Mask
Guest
Purple Mask

Owh dear. 🙁
And since one is being British… “polarising” is usually with an “s”. 😛
Evidently there is much post-Brexit backlash to be had about this entry. Maybe we are being just too harsh. But the fact that the Chorus is based on Pachelbel’s Canon in D… I cannot abide.

Colin
Guest
Colin

Honestly, had no idea what Pachelbel’s Canon in D was until I finally googled it… right now. Hmmm… how is this allowed? Isn’t this just a legal copy-paste from pubic domain music? Don’t ESC rules require original content? Sure it’s tweaked a bit, but I am kind of puzzled… I will freeze my ratings for Jordan and MAID thus far till I decide what to do before the contest.

Joe
Guest

Lol pubic domain.

It’s the BBC’s fault, not the UK’s
Guest
It’s the BBC’s fault, not the UK’s

I don’t get why people like this 4,5/10

Briekimchi
Guest
Briekimchi

Too much focus on the use of the word, “soccer”, guys.
Read any online version of any British newspaper and the amount of American spellings/vocabulary you’ll find is disappointing. Guess it’s time to get over it. 😉

Rumpelstiltskin
Guest
Rumpelstiltskin

It’s so the Australians will vote for them. Australins say soccer.

Petersu
Guest
Petersu

Doesn’t Australia say football as well?

James
Guest
James

They have a local variation there called Australian football, a.k.a. “footy” colloquially.

Paul
Guest
Paul

nah – their national football team are known as the Soccerroos

West
Guest
West

Yeah, it’s not like the lyrics of a song could be changed or something… oh, wait.
Anyway I think people have other isues with the song than just poor word choice. I personaly like it (only in this version).

Paul
Guest
Paul

There are certain words you don’t touch – and football is one of them! It’s on par with calling “tea” something else! Can you imagine?!! That’s how rioting starts in this country

Purple Mask
Guest
Purple Mask

One shall not overcome this issue of national identity. It is flavoured, laboured, focussing, analysing, favouritist football, with a touch of frost. 🙂