Last year, the EBU confirmed that after one decade in the role, Jon Ola Sand would step down as the Executive Supervisor of the Eurovision Song Contest. His replacement will be the Swedish television producer Martin Österdahl. And while Sand won’t have the chance to oversee his final contest, wiwibloggs can exclusively reveal that Österdahl already has a list of changes that he will bring to the song contest when it returns in 2021.
The changes were internally approved by the EBU today, 1 April 2020, but are not set to be made public until later in the year. However, wiwibloggs has come into possession of a leaked copy of the new show format and can exclusively reveal the changes.
Up to eight performers will be allowed on stage
Following the cue of Melodifestivalen, Eurovision performances will now be permitted to include two extra non-singing performers on stage, making a total of eight performers. The two extra performers could be dancers, musicians or any other kind of non-vocal performer.
Sweden will become a member of the Big 6
The Big 5 will become The Big 6 with the addition of Sweden. As broadcaster SVT is unable to afford the Big 5’s higher Eurovision participation fee, they will trade shipments of Swedish meatballs in exchange for membership. The group of automatic qualifiers will also be renamed with the Swedish word for six, to be known as The Big Sex.
The semi-final qualification sequence will tell us who HASN’T qualified
Rather than announcing the names of the ten lucky qualifiers, instead the hosts will name the unlucky acts who will be going home. When their names are announced, a special “Disappointment Cam” will show a close-up reaction shot of the artist’s emotional state and will capture the exact moment their dream is crushed.
A conversation corner will be set up for ex-HoDs and songwriters
The Eurovision Song Contest is all about bringing people together. With that in mind, next to the green room there will be a “conversation corner”. This will be for ex-Heads of Delegation, songwriters and anyone else with an axe to grind. They will be encouraged to air their differences and come to a mutual understanding. The corner will include unlimited wine.
The grand final will introduce a Super Final
After the results have come in, the two top-scoring songs will perform again and the televote lines will be open again for a superfinal vote. An EBU source says, “I mean, people might have changed their minds or something? Plus there will be extra televote revenue €€€. Totes sad 4 anyone who loses the second vote.” Estonia’s Kerli will be on hand to comfort the losing artist.
The jury will include asphalt constructors
Many fondly recall Finland’s UMK 2016, where the juries included different vocational groups. Among these, was asphalt constructors, who gave their 12 points to Mikael Saari’s “On It Goes”. From Eurovision 2021, each broadcaster will be required to include at least one member of a road constructing crew, be it supervisors, steamroller drivers, or the guys who hold the stop-go sign.
Adult Eurovision: After Dark
Viewers in eastern countries have long complained that Eurovision serves wholesome family entertainment but in a late-night timeslot. To appease this, a special edition of the song contest will be produced, titled Adult Eurovision: After Dark. It will include all the bits considered too rude for general audiences, including Hatari’s unexpected latex slippage, the lewd gesture from San Marino’s robot, and the time when Jon Ola Sand once said, “Yo, take it a-m*ther-f*cking-way, biznitchez.” Adult Eurovision is considered a counterpart of Junior Eurovision.
UPDATE: 12:00 CET
Guys, we are so embarrassed. We got mixed up. These are actually the plans for the Eurovision Thong Contest from its new Executive Supervisor, Avril Fühl. We regret the error. 😉 (Happy April Fool’s Day, y’all!)
What do you think of the new plans for Eurovision? Will this revitalise things and boldly take the contest into the new decade? Or has the new executive producer got it wrong? Tell us your thoughts below!