Eurovision’s media team has released footage that captures contestants’ backstage reactions during the May 29 finale.

For the most part it confirms Wiwi’s suspicions: Moldova needs to lay off the hairspray and Belarus’ blond twins are robots. But it also humanizes Serbia’s Milan Stankovic who finally shows some nerves, and you get the sense that Belgium’s Tom Dice has a personality after all. Here’s the video followed but Wiwi’s highlights.

1. Azerbaijan’s back-up dancers speak stellar English, but teen starlet Safura only knows how to say “I love you.” Also, the entire delegation may need to enroll in Alcoholics Anonymous.

2. Norway’s Didrik Solli-Tangen has adopted the annoying American habit of calling everything “amazing” and “insane.” He also says he is “so happy.” Wiwi wonders how Didrik felt after finishing in 20th position. Sad Wiwi.

3. We already knew that Moldova’s Sunshine Project & Olia Tira were masters of Eurovision English. We now also suspect that they have a great deal of pent-up sexual angst. See Olia’s gratuitous writhing from the 1:20 mark.

4. Cyprus’ Jon Lilygreen—the only contestant of Welsh descent at Eurovision in 2010—continues to flash his “hairy belly.” It’s really not welcome, Jon. Nor is your inability to hold the Cypriot flag upright. That yellow figure on the front is the island, you see…

5. Serbia’s Milan Stankovic, who topped Eurovision’s Worst Dressed List this year, was seriously drained after his performance. Perhaps he was coping with the fact he resembles Britain’s most famous one-legged former model Heather Mills?

6. The Belarusian contestant doesn’t like to use verbs. And someone appears to have spilled water on the electronic blond twins. They’ve malfunctioned and are stuck on jive mode.

7. When Greece’s Giorgos Alkaios says “it’s very nice,” he must be referring to working with the protein-fed, testosterone-emitting back-up dancers prancing around in white track suits. Breathe deeply, ladies. But what’s up with all the tattoos? Did Giorgos recruit these dancers from an Athenian prison?

8. Oh, bless. En route to his rather embarrassing last place finish, the U.K.’s Josh Dubovie donned his lucky socks and held his lucky teddy bear. I blame songwriter Pete Waterman for building up this poor lad’s hopes.

9. Georgia’s Sofia Nizharadze seriously resembles former Girls Aloud front woman  Cheryl Cole.

10. Wiwi has already written about how the Albanian contestant praises God through electro-pop—and now Juliana Pasha confirms it. Werq!

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10 years ago

Thanks… I get it now. 🙂 no more confusion – :S.

10 years ago

she was out of tune. in the photo she is drinking. she was probably drunk on stage.

10 years ago

umm… what do you mean ? :s I don’t understand.