Wiwi Jury UMK edition: Aikuinen with “Kyynelten Lahti”

In the run-up to each heat of Uuden Musiikin Kilpailu (UMK), Finland’s selection for Eurovision 2015, the Wiwi Jury — our in-house team of music unprofessionals — will rate the songs from that heat. Today it’s time to listen to what Aikuinen has to offer. The artist himself has said that, in the tradition of Finnish pop, nothing in Kyynelten lahti “really goes well, but it’s nice to dance to”. Let’s see if our jury agreed…

Deban: I perked up at 01.33 when I observed a banana in his mouth. Sadly, despite the liberal spurts of saliva and the heavy petting, I never got to witness him ride that banana. Aikuinen clearly takes inspiration from Austin Powers, Mr Bean and/ Barney Stinson. However, comedy should have been his expressive art, NOT music.

Score: 1.5/10

Josh: Sorry Aikuinen, we are in 2015, not in 1985. ‘Kyynelten lahti’ is just weird and it’s got a bizarre film clip to match. I had to stop watching after 90 seconds because the excessive tongue kissing made me feel really uncomfortable. I guess someone has to come last?

Score: 0/10

William: I feel like he had a super upbeat dance song, but then swallowed a bag of barbituates, leaving us with dance in slo mo. It’s strange, but I like it. It’s electro-happy, y’all! I love the visuals, I love his styling, and I actually like the song on repeat.

Score: 7/10

Ramadan: It’s way too boring and outdated for my taste. I don’t think I’d ever want to listen to this song again. Looks like we have the first contender for last place.

Score: 2/10 

Robyn: If you forget the weird video (complete with some very tonguey snogging), you’re left with a quirky synth-pop song sung by a guy who looks like a nice young man from the 1960s. I think it would be too outré to do well in Vienna, but I’d like to see it at the UMK final.

Score: 6/10

Sami: The intro sounds nice, but the whole song is quite bland. The lyrics are foolish, it’s very repetitive and he’s not really the best singer in the competition. I don’t think it will make it to the final, but I’m sure some Finnish people like this, as it’s something that was popular in Finland 20 years ago.

Score: 2/10

Sopon: I’m not getting why an older Barney Stinton and his friends are moving around like the Teletubbies. This whole thing screams a big mess of key changes, strange synths with radio garble, and silly rhythms that sound like a kid’s song. Next!

Score: 3/10

Patrick: As I know Finland, he will get through and I will be disappointed again! I have seriously lost all hope for the country and this proves my point. It’s a horrible song with a weird scary singer with a disgusting video. I can already see the cheap staging.

Score: 0/10

Mikhail: This song is horrible. I wanted to switch it off when he started singing, if it can be called so, but I survived till half of the song. The music video is awkward and disgusting. Why is it even there? I don’t understand.

Score: 0/10

The highest and lowest scores have been removed before calculating the final scores to avoid bias. We have removed a high of 7 and a low of 0.

The Wiwi Jury Verdict: 2.1/10

You can read all of our reviews and rankings for Uuden Musiikin Kilpailu (UMK) 2015 by clicking here. You can also keep up with the latest Eurovision news and gossip by following the team from wiwibloggs.com on Twitter @wiwibloggs and by liking our Facebook page.

Photo: YLE