Editorial: Icelandic housewife chooses her 5 hottest guys of Eurovision 2017

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It’s that time of the year again, beautiful people! This tired Icelandic housewife makes her unavoidable list of the hottest guys of this year’s Eurovision Song Contest. And yes: I disagree with most of you. Over the past four years I think we’ve established that I’m a special flower on Team Wiwi and my taste is nowhere near the so-called “norm”. #CelebrateDiversity and inclusion — of taste and attraction!

Eurovision 2017 was swarming with men. It was probably the most versatile collection of guys so far, and I really had a hard time deciding who would make my top five. But after long consideration — and a lot of wine — here we are. Before we start, I just want to say that I need this. I wasn’t in Kyiv (silent cries) and this is my outlet!

#5: Hovig

Daaamn. That boy portrays the best of both worlds — Mediterranean heat mixed with Armenian fire that is almost too hot to handle. I was already a fan of Hovig prior to the contest and when I saw just how well he pulled off those dance moves to “Gravity” I was sold. Completely! He can be my heart and my company any day of the week. Just tell me when, Hovig, and I’ll let you be MY gravity!

#4: Lasse Piirainen

When I was a teenager, I, like Lasse, was a piano playing geek. I relate and am attracted to geekiness all the way! This talented and good-looking Finn is hooooooot (and musical and clearly in touch with his emotions to write a song like “Blackbird”). Oh, I am also attracted to Finnish men, and Lasse is Finnish through and through — from the minimalist styling to the apparent stoicism to the pale to paler colouring. I’ve had the giggles since February, no joke, and it’s all because of him. Kiitos for being you, Lasse.

#3: Aleksander Walmann

Aaww yeah, we’re still in Scandinavia. Winter is coming and the force was strong with the Nordics this year! Aleksander epitomises the hipster/lumberjack type. And I have such a thing for that type! He looks so strong and manly, kind and…and..and he can definitely cook! I’m sure of it! Aleksander is simply gorgeous. Even though he threatens to kill, kill, kill…Wait a minute, he’s got a bit of a bad boy vibe too? Oh be still, my beating heart!

#2: Sunstroke Project

Yes, all three of them. And yes, I am probably being greedy now. Yes, yes, yes…I know, I hear you, but in my defense, they ARE a trio and to leave one out, when they’re all alluring AF would be stupid and pointless. So, Sergei, Sergey and Anton come in strong as the runners-up on this list, because….wow!! Those moves, that voice, that……hip thrust with the saxophone ….Swooning!!! I need to sit down now.

#1: Francesco Gabbani

Mi amore Francesco! Quirky and fun with a mischievous smile, and a memorable presence in every way. I was totally smitten from the very beginning and if he would at any point offer me a cup of coffee or a bruschetta, I would say “Si!” faster than Trump could say “FAKE NEWS!” Hell, Francesco could probably offer me roadkill and I would take it. Does that sound a little bit off? Hmmm, yeah, but I’m okay with that, because I am at peace with myself. Namaste!

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