There’s a fine line between puppy love and psychotic obsession, and Eurovision artists are constantly blurring it. From the man peering in your window at night to the woman buying underwear for her imaginary date, here are 10 Eurovision songs with crazy stalker lyrics. Get your restraining order ready…
Norway 2010: Didrik Solli-Tangen with “My Heart Is Yours”
“You say I am the moonlight/ I watch you/ At night/ And when you cannot see me/ I’m still there in the sky.” When it gets dark, you need to close your curtains. Didrik may be outside in a tree with a flashlight and a camera with a really good zoom lens.
Finland 2013: Krista Siegfrieds with “Marry Me”
“Spying on you undercover, drinking coffee with your mother/ Am I getting closer?….If you run away, I’m gonna find you anyhow.” Krista, who actually kidnaps the object of her affection in her music video, isn’t playing. She’s got a GPS tracking device planted in your car, and she doesn’t mind following you to the mall, the grocery store or your girlfriend’s house.
Romania 2005: Luminita Anghel & Sistem with “Let Me Try”
“Let me try, let me try/ I don’t wanna say goodbye/ I will find a way to make you stay/ Just let me try.” When Luminita says that she’ll find a way she means it. As you can see in the video, Lady has issues with rage which sometimes leads her to beat on metal trash cans in abandoned alleys. If you hide she will find you and will use your bones to make music. Her silver bustier reflects *everything*—including your whereabouts.
Germany 2010: Lena with “Satellite”
“I went everywhere for you/ I even did my hair for you/ I bought new underwear, they’re blue/ And I wore ‘em just the other day/ Love, you know I’ll fight for you/ I left on the porch light for you/ Whether you are sweet or cruel/ I’m gonna love you either way.” It doesn’t matter whether you love her back, ignore her or hide. Lena will seek you out and show you her panties. She will also threaten self-harm to try to get in bed with you. As the chorus goes: “Like a satellite I’m in orbit all the way around you/ And I would fall out into the night/ Can’t go a minute without your love.”
Malta 2006: Fabrizio Faniello with “I Do”
“Waiting for the day we’re back together/ I won’t give you up, I’ll never stop/ I got a piece of your heart, I can’t get enough.” Unclear if he’s singing to the photo of the woman he loves, or her corpse. If the latter, we suspect the piece of her heart is in a jar in the fridge.
Turkey 2012: Can Bombo with “Love Me Back”
“My ship is made from hope/ She’s searching for your bay.” With that overtly sexual reference, this song suggests that Can has a compass pointed straight at someone’s punani. It doesn’t matter whether your waters are open for business. Can thinks he can sail wherever he wants.
Russia 2006: Dima Bilan with “Never Let You Go”
“Never, never let you go/ You are the one I’m searching for/ Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone/ Love’s carving it in the stone.” Whenever a man starts singing about flesh you know you need to go into hiding. Dude is crazy, and we’re not just talking about his nervous tick (all that hip thrusting, y’all) or his mullet which makes him look like he recently escaped from prison. Lock your doors!
Greece 2001: Antique with “Die for You”
“Cause I would die for you/ Look into my eyes and see it’s true/ Really I could never lie to you/ Just to make you see that no one else can ever love you like the way I do.” She’s read Romeo & Juliet way too many times and thinks that death is in some way romantic. Oh helllllz no. You need to have this woman committed because if you don’t love her she is seriously gonna hurt sombody. Run, don’t walk.
Azerbaijan 2010: Safura with “Drip Drop”
“Can I love you forever through this? Can I trust in you forever through this? I don’t know how to stop.” Safura’s runway run during the bridge of “Drip Drop” remains one of the best pieces of choreography ever. She looked seriously crazy and we really appreciated how she whipped her back in that wind machine. It just adds to the sense that “she can’t stop”. Don’t break this girl’s heart or she’ll crack your skull!
Malta 2013: Gianluca Bezzina with “Tomorrow”
“Oh oh .. It’s time to follow her tomorrow.” She threw affection in his direction and now he is totally obsessed. Gianluca may look sweet, but he is ready to follow you home. Hide your kids, hide your husband, and hide your valuables!
You can read the lyrics to every Eurovision song since 2008 on our Contestants page.
You can also check out more of our lists by clicking here.
Willy Lee Adams contributed this report from London. Follow him on Twitter @willyleeadams. You can also keep up with the latest Eurovision news and gossip by following wiwibloggs.com on Twitter and Facebook.
Photo: Courtesy of zimbio.com