We’ve seen recent attempts to debut at Europe’s biggest song competition from Kazakhstan, the Faroe Islands and even China. But as the outside world looks to Europe there’s at least one European nation that’s yet to show interest in joining the orgy of flags, even after 62 years. We’re talking, of course, about Vatican City — the country housed entirely within Rome with a territory smaller than Serhat’s spare bathroom and a population the size of a Maltese JESC opening act.  

The country’s national broadcaster – Radio Vaticana – is an active member of the EBU, and therefore is eligible to participate in Eurovision. However, they claim not to be interested in the contest, as their channel is purely dedicated to the broadcast of religious material. Well, we at wiwibloggs think that their programme catalogue is in need of a serious makeover, and first and foremost is the addition of Eurovision. Here are ten reasons why the Vatican should sacrifice two hours of operatic hymns to participate in Eurovision 2018.

1. Because our favourite religious-themed acts never made it to Eurovision

In recent national selections, the likes of The Ekklesia Sisters in Malta, and Die Preister and Gregorian in Germany failed to make it to Eurovision. Even Swiss entrants Heilsarmee had to radically change their name to Takasa to hide their Christian roots. If Eurovision is all about diversity, why isn’t there a space for the clergy to show up and show out?

2. Because we still haven’t heard Latin at Eurovision

Vatican City is the only country in the world where Latin is used as an official language. And considering Ukraine is bringing the contest back to Kiev this year after debuting Crimean Tatar to the contest, who knows what Latin could do for the Vatican. Eurovision 2019 in St. Peter’s Basilica anyone?

3. Because we are yet to see Pope Francis drop some phatt bass

4. Because Suor Cristina needs to get to Eurovision ASAP

She is Italian. She is a nun. She sings. She slays. Enough said.

And she’s already said she’s interested

5. Because if Vatican City participates, there’s only 2 to go

A participation would leave Liechtenstein and Kazakhstan the only two European countries never to have competed in the contest. One step closer to world domination, baby.

6. Because we need an outlet for upcoming Italian artists

The nature of the Italian selection means that only established artists are selected, and the nature of the San Marinese selection means that only multi-millionaires are selected.

It’s about time Italy’s hidden gems stop being neglected – how else will we see our favourite pug-loving soul singer on the big stage?

7. Because they can afford it

In 2015, it was reported that sixty percent of the millions of euros donated to the Vatican “went into Vatican coffers.” At wiwibloggs we are strongly against corruption. And whilst Eurovision may not be helping out the poor catholic community, it’s certainly better than paying for a nun’s swanky new bling.

8. Because Switzerland needs a voting friend

And those Swiss guards would make some sexy backing dancers.

9. Because Vatican City is home to one of the oldest bands in the world

The Sistine Chapel Choir formed in 1417, but only in 2015 did they record their first album. The choir even features thirty boys: who knows, Vatican City could send a slick new boy band to rival San Marino’s Peppermints at Junior Eurovision (assuming the EBU forgives them for chopping their balls off).

10. Because we said so and we SLAY.

Sorry I couldn’t think of a tenth one but I wanted a round number. Nine isn’t as sexy, and God is watching.

Unfortunately this article must end with bad news. Recently a fan asked the official broadcaster whether they had plans for Eurovision 2018, and they responded with a pretty clear “no”.

“No, definitely not,” their response reads. “Not our style, I’m afraid.”

What do you think? Could they? Should they? Would they? Leave your comments in the box below!

39 Comments
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Purple Mask
Purple Mask
3 years ago

@Charles: Out of the 43 songs in this year’s Eurovision selection, how many of them are openly about an LGBT attraction or relationship? I count one (Montenegro), but feel free to debate that. I agree with you that the fan base does obssess with “us v. Russia,” but the politics go wayyyy beyond just LGBT issues alone. Perhaps a better way of putting would be to say that there are too much politics in Eurovision. Ditch country identities – have a contest between songwriter names only: only THEN would the contest be truly focussed on the music.

Charles
Charles
3 years ago

… because the LGBT and the Vatican will bring in even more controversy into what is already the annual LGBT vs. Russia saga? Because Russia alone is not homophobic enough, let’s bring the main spot where Catholic homophobia shines brighter than ever. Is even anybody honestly just thinking of the music input? Or am I supposed to feel that nobody cares?

Kirby
Kirby
3 years ago

Sure! That’d be cool!

Charli Cheer Up
Charli Cheer Up
3 years ago

That’s only IF Italy wins and hosts the contest next year

The Orinoco Child
The Orinoco Child
3 years ago

Omg wish this could happen but probs never will. Also I didnt know valentina Moneta was a multi millionaire.

Colin
Colin
3 years ago

I would extremely love for them to participate as they are rich in history and culture and would provide new musical style. However, the rules regarding religious affiliation (Takasa name change) should be re-defined and had Vatican won, Europe should know better than to send semi-naked performers dipped in glitter and tacky drag acts (note: I said tacky drag acts, not transgender people). Vatican is a world much more conservative and philosophical. But a song in Italian or Latin about celebrating life would be so awesome!

Ulrik
Ulrik
3 years ago

Early April Fools?

Patrick G
Patrick G
3 years ago

Edd is such a babe and I back him 100%

Bart Smits
Bart Smits
3 years ago

Let’s all send this artical to the Vatican broadcaster through Facebook etc. and try to convince them! (I tried once before, not that succesfull)

Bart Smits
Bart Smits
3 years ago

I won’t rest till every European country participates in the Eurovision Song Contest

Bart Smits
Bart Smits
3 years ago

The chat was a little longer then that

blondboybc
blondboybc
3 years ago

Not happening…how about getting Kazakhstan full membership and they send Dimash! There’s someone who will slay! Check this out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBT43YVwcjA

Bart Smits
Bart Smits
3 years ago

I was the person who asked the Vatican broadcaster about that in the last screenshot…

Mar
Mar
3 years ago

I’m sure if you took the question to Pope Francis directly he’d be up for it, he’s cool like that.

Denis
Denis
3 years ago

There is a bigger chance of Kazakstan debuting than the Vatican competing. The Vatican would never do it, their business is religion
That said, it would be fun to see their lighter side. A choir of nuns and priests singing about love to the eternal one?

Tusán
3 years ago

If I’m not mistaken religious acts are forbidden in Eurovision though. (I know many singers sang about God before but still.)

Julian
Julian
3 years ago

What they could do is send and support songs for the national selections of countries that have catholic church segments of population.
It would probably be something similar to Croatia 2013 participation of Klapa s Mora. Wasn’t much appreciated and it gathered a broad consensus that it was ‘meh’.

AngieP
AngieP
3 years ago

A really inspired article by Edd! It made my day! I don’t think the Vatican city will ever participate. It’s the base of the Catholic Church. They are “purely dedicated to… religious material”. It’s not like the other countries. Personally, I wouldn’t like to see them participating. However, I loved the article! “We haven’t heard latin?” That was good! “Because we said so and we slay”: a great 10th reason! You are very determined @William Lee Adams! We want the Vatican city at ESC! Period! As for Sister Cristina, she could participate with Italy. But they have Sanremo, she has… Read more »

Piro
Piro
3 years ago

Whatever their style is, they can still participate.
Celebrate Diversity!
Who said that you must have a certain style?

Ern
Ern
3 years ago

I didn’t realize the problems with the Italian selection.

So, all the artists from San Marino are billionaires? Interesting.

Just Me
Just Me
3 years ago

@fikri maybe Italy is going to do that in 2018 or when they are going to win.

Purple Mask
Purple Mask
3 years ago

Thank you for the article, Edd. It has made my rainy day a little brighter. 🙂

Kris
Kris
3 years ago

What about that Padre Damian guy? Bella and filippa were Christian enough??

Results of the Vatican jury for semi-final 1 :
Portugal 12 points
Georgia 10 points
Slovenia 8 points
Malta 7 points
Czech Republic 6 points
Albania 5 points
Australia 4 points
Finland 3 points
Greece 2 points
Belgium 1 point
Sweden – 1000 points
Moldova -1000 points
Latvia -1000 points
Montenegro -1000000 points

M_K
M_K
3 years ago

“It’s not our style, I’m afraid”.

Really? Have you ever been to a catholic Sunday mass? It’s pretty much like Eurovision – just a little more flamboyant.

Polegend Godgarina
Polegend Godgarina
3 years ago

I’m not religious but I’d love the Vatican to participate with Sister Cristina. I wouldn’t be here for their homophobic jury, though.

ImpressiveInstants
ImpressiveInstants
3 years ago

1. Kazakhstan is pretty much an Asian country.
2. I wouldn’t be happy to see the Vatican City compete.

(J)ESC Fanatic
(J)ESC Fanatic
3 years ago

“BECAUSE WE SAID SO AND WE SLAY.”

LOL!

(J)ESC Fanatic
(J)ESC Fanatic
3 years ago

It will never happen.

William Lee Adams
Admin
3 years ago

@Christian — But maybe they will send a Sista? LOL

Sara
Sara
3 years ago

@zorz, since when is Israel, Azerbaijan etc European countries.

William Lee Adams
Admin
3 years ago

@Tomas The regions of Atyrau and West Kazakhstan are considered to be in Europe.

Christian
Christian
3 years ago

What a nice joke, but I’m sure Vatican would never send a sister to the Eurovision.

Zorz
Zorz
3 years ago

Since when is Kazakhstan a European Country?

Tomas Patrick Davitt
Tomas Patrick Davitt
3 years ago

If they do join – get ready for a lot of Azeri and Russian men to be buying out all the Sim cards before the final

William Lee Adams
Admin
3 years ago

The Sisters Eklesia were adorable but my god they could not sing!!! Would love someone like Sister Cristina to go. SHE has the voice of an ANGEL.

Marlon
Marlon
3 years ago

Lol I take this as a joke, and I must say its a good one!

fikri
fikri
3 years ago

maybe invite them for an interval act first?