With all 43 entries now released, we’ve been listening to the Eurovision 2016 entries and have discovered more of those “Wait, what?!” moments. Misheard lyrics are one of the joys of Eurovision, whether they’re caused by the singer not enunciating well enough or by the listener not really paying attention. We’ve put together a list of eight of the best moments from 2016 — giving the acts plenty of time to sort themselves out before Stockholm!
1. Spain: Barei – “Say Yay!”
What we heard: “Come on and raise your bottom, cry”
Correct lyric: “Come on and raise your battle cry”
We know what you’re thinking, but this lyric is obviously about Barei channelling her inner nanny. She’s a Spanish Mary Poppins, disciplining a naughty child by administering a jolly good spanking. Why, that’ll teach that little brat. No other possible meaning. The instruction can be heard at 0:53.
2. Ukraine: Jamala – “1944”
What we heard: “Don’t swallow my soul, arseholes”
Correct lyric: “Don’t swallow my soul, our souls”
When we first heard this, we were like “Yaaassss, Jamala! Don’t hold back, girl! Tell those arseholes who is boss!” But apparently this is not what she is singing and she is actually making a serious statement. About some arseholes. The spirited line can be heard at 0:30.
3. Malta: Ira Losco – “Walk on Water”
What we heard: “I can’t get off on your love”
Correct lyric: “I can’t get enough of your love”
Ira delivers a big soul-pop tune, describing the romantic turmoil in her life. But with it comes the shock confession: “I can’t get off on your love”. Don’t worry, Ira — we hear there will be plenty of single guys at Eurovision! The line can be heard at 0:51.
4. Finland: Sandja – “Sing It Away”
What we heard: “Sing it away, I’ll munch your balls away”
Correct lyric: “Sing it away, all my troubles away”
Sometimes when you love someone, you might show them how much you love them by munching on their balls. Obviously we mean delicious savoury cheese balls that have been made as a snack food for a Eurovision screening party. The tasty line can be heard at 0:37.
5. FYR Macedonia: Kaliopi – “Dona”
What we heard: “Doughnut, doughnut, doughnut, doughnut, doughnut”
Correct lyric: “Dona, dona, dona, dona, dona”
Sweden has the tradition of fika — a social coffee break, where one might also enjoy a sweet treat such as a cinnamon bun, but Kaliopi has a different snack in mind. Conveniently, Kaliopi can just sing her song at the Globe cafeteria and she’ll have her fika ordered for her and four friends. The carbolicious line can be heard at 0:44.
6. Poland: Michal Szpak – “Color of Your Life”
What we heard: “You need to know there’s no life without beers”
Correct lyric: “You need to know there’s no life without tears”
Dude! Beers are awesome! Michal will be pleased to know that Sweden has a long history of brewing, going as far back as the Viking era. So many beers! Skål! The brewtastic line can be heard at 1:30.
7. Belgium: Laura Tesoro – “What’s the Pressure”
What we heard: “I see massive balls weighing down people all around”
Correct lyric: “I see massive walls weighing down people all around”
A few years ago we saw a documentary about a guy who had scrotal elephantiasis. Poor fellow. It really affected his life, his ability to work. Fortunately he had surgery and had all the excess tissue removed — a modern medical miracle. That’s what Laura is singing about, right? Hear the lyrics at 0:51.
8. San Marino: Serhat – “I Didn’t Know”
What we heard: “I got to pee inside your mind”
Correct lyric: “I got to be inside your mind”
You’re thinking, it’s lucky that the visual metaphors of the old “I Didn’t Know” music video didn’t extend to that line about peeing. But then Serhat holds up the fancy bottle full of yellow liquid and suddenly it all makes sense. Terrible, awful sense. The evocative line can be heard at 0:23.
What we heard: “I’ve got to say I am a dick tit”
Correct lyric: “I’ve got to say I am addicted”
A meeting has been called at San Marino Television. Serhat has something to tell the HoD. “Guys, while I did think that the original version of “I Didn’t Know” was perfect, now that I’ve heard the disco remix, well, I have to say I am a dick tit. It’s obviously the superior version and it must go to Eurovision.” The line can be heard at 0:44.
What lyrics have you misheard? Share your favourites below!