Earlier this morning the Wiwi Jury—our in-house panel of music unprofessionals—put on our parkas and headed to Finland to review “Painovoima”, MAKEA’s song for this year’s Finnish national selection. Did we ever figure out what “Painovoima” actually means? Or were we too bored to care? Read on to find out…
Wiwi: I don’t know if you should always rap in English, but I do know this: you should not rap in Finnish. This is a painful mix of R&B, rock, and Gregorian chanting. As with writing, music, film, or any other art, if you go for everything you end up with nothing. My Finnish is rusty and I have no idea what Painovoima means. However, I am fairly certain that the emphasis is on the first syllable. To MAKEA’s credit, I do love how the lead singer turns all sensual whenever the rapper does his thang. Perhaps he has a future teaching courses on the art of seduction.
Sami: At first I hated it, but I started to like it more after hearing the re-mastered version. I love Kadi’s voice and even if the rapper isn’t the best we could have (I love Finnish rap music, and it’s one of the most popular genres in Finland), it’s still easy to listen to. Sure, I hope they don’t get to represent Finland at Eurovision—it wouldn’t even get to finals—but I’m sure I will still listen to it after the contest.
Padraig: Kadi is definitely one of the stronger female vocalists in the competition, easily wiping the floor with the likes of Clarissa and Hanna Sky. So what in God’s name possessed her to invite Olli along? Like seriously, what the hell? At every opportunity she tries her best to build the song up into something decent. But every time Olli comes along with his verbal sledgehammer and smashes her hard work to smithereens. And is she really getting sensual as he makes his noise? My guess is that it’s actually some sort of coping mechanism to stop herself from clobbering him. Either that or she’s writhing in anguish.
Katie: The female singer is pretty generic and is quite boring at the beginning, but has a pretty good set of lungs, especially during the first chorus. She’d have the potential to do quite well in Copenhagen, but everything about this song is ruined by that man trying to be a rapper! He’s honestly the worst “rapper” I’ve ever heard and he makes Trackshittaz sound like Eminem. If Copenhagen was burdened with this song, it would come last. Or maybe even something worse than last invented specially for them…
Deban: Opponents of Eurovision often cite entries like Montenegro 2013 when disregarding the contest’s integrity as a credible platform in previewing international talent. If you thought Igranka was bad, then, you’re in for a real surprise. The fusion of rap and ballad doesn’t work on this track, and neither do the synergy of the lead vocalists. MAKEA are trying to re-create the Dido and Eminem moment in Finnish. They’d be lucky to sell a hundred copies of this track.
Bogdan: What the hell? What is this? Comparisons with “Igranka” should cease, because this is not hip hop, this is not rap, this is not music, full stop. It wasn’t when Kadi was singing her bland melody and it certainly wasn’t when the guy started to shout things at us. Please MAKEA them disappear, stat.
Angus: This song started so beautifully. I was all ready to make sweeping comparisons to the majesty of Urban Symphony and say that Finland had done good in Finnish. Then that rapper started and destroyed the good song foetus. What a truly horrendous musical miscarriage. For this song is utterly irredeemable. I’m sorry but that rap obliterated any redemption I might have found in the chorus, because by the time it rolls around I’m just getting frustrated the singer hasn’t battered the rapper into submission with her microphone stand.
Wiwi Jury Verdict: 2/10
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