“Findus, my kitty” — TIX recounts how cat comforted him during his darkest hour

For Norway’s biggest pop star, life is not merely a series of parties and sell-out concerts. In between the glamorous and filtered photos that the public sees, TIX deals with the unfiltered realities of everyday life — one where isolation and loneliness have frequently been overwhelming.

In January, during an emotional interview with the Norwegian chat show host Anne Lindmo, TIX discussed his battles — and recounted one of the darkest moments to date. Thankfully his story has a happy ending — and one involving his now 16-year-old cat.

On April 24, TIX re-uploaded the video to his YouTube channel with English subtitles so that his international fans could learn more about him and some of the emotions that colour his music. We are re-posting the interview below.

TIX tells Lindmo how his cat comforted him in hour of need

TIX (real name Andreas Haukeland) describes the jarring nature of standing on stage and entertaining thousands of people, only to find yourself alone afterwards.

“I travel alone, coming home to an empty house,” TIX says. “And then I go to the studio to make more music — alone.” Lindmo points out it’s a “unique and very lonely life,” which, at one point, made the real-life Andreas question whether he wanted to keep living. That prompts the “Fallen Angel” singer to unpack one difficult experience.

“It was May 17 (Norway’s Constitution Day), 2018. TIX had taken over, there was no room for Andreas. It had gone too far. And I don’t want to keep on doing this anymore. I stayed home most of the day to avoid people. Eventually, I was forced to join a party. At this party, I collapse. I’ve been carrying these thoughts for so long. I went home and decided that enough is enough.”

“I felt so tired and so desperate to escape it all. I’m writing a farewell letter. And then I write a will. I proceed to find a marker to write down my contact info — all my passwords and PINs on my arm.”

“I sat on the floor crying. And I was so scared. And then my cat comes in. His name is Findus. He strokes my legs and lies on my lap. He doesn’t usually do that. And then I started talking to him. And then I say to him, ‘Findus, my kitty.'”

At this point in the interview, with his eyes welling up, Andreas reaches down for the sunglasses that he wears on stage as TIX. He tells Lindmo that it’s “easier this way,” suggesting his stage look is in a sense a form of armour — and one that will help him express what is clearly a very painful memory.

“And then I say to him ‘Findus, none of my friends understand that I have problems. It’s just me. So what do we do now? Because I don’t want to live. But I don’t want to die.’ And that conversation with Findus became the lyrics to the song, ‘Jeg Vil Ikke Leve’ (I Don’t Want to Live).”

Later in the show, Lindmo points out that TIX is so successful he doesn’t need to remain in the industry — and that he could pursue a more anonymous career that may not carry as much stress.

But for TIX, his music isn’t just about him. It’s about how it impacts others — a reality that gives his work meaning and one that will keep him in the business: “I find it beautiful that out of my loneliness a fellowship is formed for so many people.”