Belarus is bringing the calories to Eurovision 2014. That’s because TEO—aka Yuriy Vashcuk—has won his country’s national selection and will be singing a song called “Cheesecake.”
The team at wiwibloggs.com normally love a bit of dessert. But let’s just say that TEO has put us off our sweets. This song is like a bad karaoke cover of Robin Thicke, and he is bad enough to begin with. It mixes Latin with jazz and, true to the title, a whole lot of cheese.
You won’t be surprised to learn that Yuriy penned the lyrics himself. Apparently his ex gave him the nickname Cheesecake.
“It’s not about the dessert at all,” he told eurovision.tv. “This song suits my mood and I feel absolutely comfortable performing this entry”.
As a (dis)service to our readers, we have now transcribed the lyrics to this song. Yes, he really does rhyme boy with toy, and refer to Google Maps and Patrick Swayzee in the same song.
What do you think of the song? Is it too sickly sweet? Will Belarus realize this and change it before Eurovision? Should President Lukashenko step in and demand a recount? Let us know in the comments box below.
Honestly, people. You should not be celebrating.
Willy Lee Adams contributed this report from London. Follow him on Twitter @willyleeadams. You can also keep up with the latest Eurovision news and gossip by following wiwibloggs.com on Twitter and Facebook.