Belarus is bringing the calories to Eurovision 2014. That’s because TEO—aka Yuriy Vashcuk—has won his country’s national selection and will be singing a song called “Cheesecake.”

The team at wiwibloggs.com normally love a bit of dessert. But let’s just say that TEO has put us off our sweets. This song is like a bad karaoke cover of Robin Thicke, and he is bad enough to begin with. It mixes Latin with jazz and, true to the title, a whole lot of cheese.

You won’t be surprised to learn that Yuriy penned the lyrics himself. Apparently his ex gave him the nickname Cheesecake.

“It’s not about the dessert at all,” he told eurovision.tv. “This song suits my mood and I feel absolutely comfortable performing this entry”.

As a (dis)service to our readers, we have now transcribed the lyrics to this song. Yes, he really does rhyme boy with toy, and refer to Google Maps and Patrick Swayzee in the same song.

What do you think of the song? Is it too sickly sweet? Will Belarus realize this and change it before Eurovision? Should President Lukashenko step in and demand a recount? Let us know in the comments box below.

http://youtu.be/fhbNCuinsYA

Honestly, people. You should not be celebrating.

Teo Cheesecake Belarus

Willy Lee Adams contributed this report from London. Follow him on Twitter @willyleeadams. You can also keep up with the latest Eurovision news and gossip by following wiwibloggs.com on Twitter and Facebook.

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PecheMelba113
PecheMelba113
6 years ago

I proudly got a faculty in my life : able to take not serious things… not seriously… That’s why I’m extremely open to any kind of songs sent at the Eurovision. ‘Cheesecake’ ? My Favourite, definitly.
Fed up with conventional music, learn to joke a bit, mates.
The world is too serious and dramatic to also carry on depressive and heavy music… GO BELARUS !

Deven O'Kearney
7 years ago

What can I say but:

OMG HFS :(.
It has not a hope in hell of qualifying for the final. It is a mix of Robin Thicke and Dr. Nick from The Simpsons. It is repetitive, monotone and it turned me off of cheesecake forever.

Belorussie, nul point from Ireland.

Ivan
Ivan
7 years ago

Not a bad song but I don’t expect a top 10 from them.

Julian
Julian
7 years ago

Not as bad as I expected… You know there is this trick in politics, stock market, music or anything you can think of… a lot of analysts job is to lower expectations on a candidate so that when you actually hear him to say “hey this is not as bad as I expected”

Arianna
7 years ago

Apparently he said he will keep the song, but we’ll have to wait and see. I still don’t know what to think about it lmao!

BIANCHIFAN
BIANCHIFAN
7 years ago

BIANKA ALLE TANZEN FOR EUROVISION BOO CHEESECAKE BIANKA BIANCHI FTW

Jonathan
Jonathan
7 years ago

Does anyone else see a bit of Pasha Parfeny in him as well as Robin Thicke? If they ever had babies, they would produce this, no doubt about it.

Daniel
Daniel
7 years ago

I love it. Please don’t change it! Last year also everyone said that Solayoh was bad but at least it made it to the final!

Alex
Alex
7 years ago

Wow..this is..uhm..I don’t even know how to describe it.

george
george
7 years ago

I really hope they change it, as usual. After seeing performances like Nuteki’s, Elena’s and Artem’s on the bottom of the scoreboard, I really don’t care what would they replace the joke with.

Bogdan
7 years ago

The jokes write themselves…

Sami Luukela
Sami Luukela
7 years ago

I love it!

Comy
Comy
7 years ago

No final for Belarus 😛