Sometimes a song makes you stop and ask yourself what drugs the author was on when he wrote it. Belarus’ Eurovision 2014 song is a good example. The Cheesecake lyrics are so ridonkulous—they mention Patrick Swayzee, cheesecake and Google Maps—that we are fairly certain teaching standards for the English language are slipping in Minsk. We’ve attempted to transcribe the text below, and we’ve probably failed. TEO—aka Yuriy Vashcuk—doesn’t have the best enunciation!

On February 13 TEO confirmed that he has removed the reference to Google Maps and replaced it with “all the maps.” We’ve made these changes below. 

Cheesecake lyrics

Yeah, baby…

Once I gave you one more chance
You showed me dance
But I’m not Patrick Swayzee
You’re not Jennifer Gray

I told this story
But I’m so sorry
I lost my train of thought
When you called me, “My sweet Cheesecake”

I don’t wanna be your toy perhaps today
I’m not gonna be your boyfriend
It’s too late
I look over Google Maps all the maps trying to escape
’cause I’m tired of being your sweet cheesecake

I don’t wanna be your toy perhaps today
I’m not gonna be your boyfriend
It’s too late
I look over Google Maps all the maps trying to escape
’cause I’m tired of being your sweet cheesecake

Ohh…yeah…do-do-do-do

Hey I will fy far away
By any plane just not to meet you
On my way, don’t stay, hay

You dial my number
Your dreams start crumbling
You want me to be the man I’ll never ever be

I don’t wanna be your toy perhaps today
I’m not gonna be your boyfriend
It’s too late
I look over Google Maps all the mapstrying to escape
’cause I’m tired of being your sweet cheesecake

I don’t wanna be your toy perhaps today
I’m not gonna be your boyfriend
It’s too late
I look over Google Maps all the maps trying to escape
’cause I’m tired of being your sweet cheesecake

Ohh….yeah…do-do-do-do

I don’t want to be your toy
I don’t want to be your boy
Oh, oh

I don’t wanna
I don’t wanna be your toy
I don’t wanna
I don’t wanna be your boy

Yeah

I don’t wanna

I don’t wanna be your toy perhaps today
I’m not gonna be your boyfriend
It’s too late
I look over Google Maps all the maps trying to escape
’cause I’m tired of being your sweet cheesecake

I don’t wanna

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Phoenix
Guest
Phoenix

We’ll I love it! I do think the righter got bonked on the head a few times but it’s got a nice tune and it’s really catchy. I did prefer Frances entry more because I knew they were singing about my favourite facial hair 😉

CR7
Guest
CR7

It’s funny. Why… I love it, but it wasn’t won… hichic…

Mateja
Guest

he doesn’t know how to speak english so I think he didn’t write the song. But you can say whatever you want song is awesome:) Teo is amazing and gorgeous 🙂 ?

Zolan
Guest
Zolan

“toy perhaps” sounds like it might be a literal translation of a Belarussian idiom, which I interpret as “trophy toy.” I.e. ignored or paraded around on a whim without caring.
“Trophy heart” works, as long as we’re just guessing.

marcus
Guest
marcus

All of you people saying could you sing in Russian or Belarusian and yes I can as I’m privileged to speak 8 languages do to my parents being my dad was Serbian and my mother was half Ukrainian and half Swedish and I lived in Luxembourg so I learnt French, German, Luxembourgish and English. And let me tell you if he had someone who was fluent in English and pronounced the words properly then it would have taken a few hours to pronounce the words correctly. I think that’s why rhythm of love was swapped as she couldn’t say half… Read more »

PecheMelba113
Guest
PecheMelba113

I don’t wanna be your toy PERHAPS today
I’m not gonna be your boyfriend, it’s too late
I look over Google Maps trying to escape
Cuz I’M TIED UP IN YOU, sweet cheesecake
That’s what I hear 😀

belka
Guest
belka

@Charles …Eurovision has become not song contest for the last years. And if you mean that a song should attract for its good vocal, please tell me where was the excellent vocal in Lordi song some years ago? ESC has become a show, after which all the radio and TV charts should rotate the song, mobiles should ring a new ringtones with it, DJs should mix it at discos and so on. I wish a good vocal song will win, but it is not real all 36 participants have the same professional level. Language level as well. And don´t say… Read more »

Pechemelba113
Guest
Pechemelba113

Love it a lot !! It’s really catchy with a groovy fresh beat.
Will be among my favourites in Copenhagen 😉

Charles
Guest
Charles

@LinnkaGreen: Read this very carefully, I shall say this only once … LOL (Pun intended!) No one, I repeat no one is making any type of less appreciative comment on Belarus as a country per se or about its population, cultural identity or social profile. Don’t get things unnecessarily mixed up! We are all focusing on ONE SONG and this SONG only … we are commenting on it and nothing else. I have personally stated my views on the musicality aspect that Belarus has showcased in Eurovision, which for me has always been nothing else but unimpressive and totally forgettable,… Read more »

LinnkaGreen
Guest
LinnkaGreen

@Jan Well… There are a lot of pop-songs, really popular! Almost all of them don’t have any sense)
At least we have nice tune here)

Jan
Guest
Jan

@Linka, please… I’m a Belarusian myself and the lirycs are utterly stupid

LinnkaGreen
Guest
LinnkaGreen

Hey guys) About the lyrics: he sang “toy perhaps today” (found it on Belarusian website)
About his English: how many countries have English as their official language?
You don’t like Belarus cuz you don’t know it and you don’t know the people who live there. Try to know us and you’ll be surprised))

Charles
Guest
Charles

@ Belka: “This song is good. I started shake my hips and wanted to dance” So what you mean is that the dancy side of this song is far more important that what he singing, how he sings it and if he or anyone else or even nobody had to sing this … Probably you wouldn’t’ mind to hear the whole song being performed in Copenhagen in full instrumental? You do understand this is actually Eurovision Song Contest … not a karaoke bar or the a Saturday night pub where you get drunk and sing to whatever crap is being… Read more »

Dez
Guest

I love this song! This is my first guilty pleasure of 2014.

belka
Guest
belka

Oh come on! Could anybody of you sing good in russian or ukranian right now? Even if you studied at school??? and read US Pop and Rap songs. There is no sence in half of them!!! This song is good. I started shake my hips and wanted to dance 😉 Good work, Belarussian boy!

Charles
Guest
Charles

@ Charles “the polar opposite of what both the televoters and the jury were looking for….” you’ve just pointed out the biggest flaw of Eurovision in general … while most of juries want to listen … televoters just want to have fun.. and for that reason there is seldom any middle ground. Apparently in both Ukraine and Belarus (in a not so unsurprising way in my opinion) televoters want to have lots of fun … using rubbish or just silly songs that mean nothing. If you want to compete … step up your game …you know in the likes of… Read more »

Arianna
Guest

This was such a surprise hahahahaha I was not expecting this to win at all. I thought it would remain in the vault of memorable NF songs for a laugh in the future. It’s funny and has its fair share of catchiness. I’m excited to see what they’ll do with it on the stage.

JJ Alvarado
Guest
JJ Alvarado

Can someone please go back to Oslo 2010 and play the winning song? Yes, Lena sang Satellite, a song that pretty much does not make much sense, yet it’s catchy, with rhythm, and no extraordinary vocal ability needed. I think TEO is bringing the same to the stage of Copenhagen 2014. Plus, he mentioned that “Cheesecake” was the nickname that his ex-girlfriend gave him, so the song is about getting away from her.

Alex
Guest
Alex

@Charles, Aram mp3’s lyrics (in those two entries which Wiwibloggs linked) probably make a thousand times more sense than Teo’s and thus I could see how his English would at least theoretically be more convincing. But for me, if Aram presents a song that’s more heavily dependent on the content of the lyrics than it is on the strength of the actual music underneath those lyrics, then bad pronunciation hurts him more than it would hurt Teo who’s singing nonsense but whose music is well done. And if I recall correctly I sometimes had no idea what Aram was saying… Read more »

Zach
Guest
Zach

I actually don’t mind the song. I like it. It’s catchy and it’s funny. Best of both worlds maybe not great Eurovision material but I would love to see the performance in Copenhagen if they don’t end up changing the song again like last year.

beccaboo1212
Guest

Some people would call him the “Belarusian Robin Thicke”.
:O

Charles
Guest
Charles

I’m not gonna even comment on his English pronunciation skills … the same old the same old usual learning English phonetically just perform a song … providing that there will be even a translator following the singer everywhere he goes. I wish they had some courage and some sense of pride to actually singer in their language for once …. apparently Belarus prefers to play the cards of “Hey Europe look and listen to us … although we can’t speak a f***** word of English, we do sing it!” I can understand the catchiness of the song coming from both… Read more »

BIANCHIFAN
Guest
BIANCHIFAN

BIANKA ALLE TANZEN EUROSONG 2014 BELARUS

Konstantin
Guest
Konstantin

The lyrics is wrong! Right is “cause I’m tired of being your sweet cheesecake”!

Victoria
Guest
Victoria

I hear “cause I’m tired of being your sweet cheesecake”.

Victoria
Guest
Victoria

Ok. Have you heard Ukranian lyrics? Is it much better? Really?

Giorgos
Guest

This is their worst entry.We these songs My Lovely Monetta will qualify this year.She will be better than everyone except of Helena with Sweden and Greece

Diane
Guest
Diane

How the hell you could find a way to escape on google maps? Is that worked in Belarus?

Ian Davis
Guest
Ian Davis

Oh dear, unless the rest of the countries are worse, this will not qualify for sure.

David Popescu
Guest
David Popescu

Let’s be serious… Robin Thicke’s song is real S&#t! This song on the other side, is awesome. C’mon, I have no clue how people can compare those 2. 😛

ben
Guest
ben

is not “cause I’m tied up in your sweet cheesecake” i listen cause I’m tied to be your sweet cheesecake” that has more logic XD

Alex
Guest
Alex

Dude, this is even catchier than Ukraine’s song. The instrumental and the melody are awesome. Good choice for Belarus. He can really sing too! And his pronunciation isn’t as bad as, well, for instance, Aram mp3’s. Obviously, the songwriters have dubious English, and lousy ideas for lyrics, but hopefully that can all be worked out. If not, let’s just enjoy the (likely unintentional) comedy. How exactly does one get tied up in a cheesecake, though? Perhaps the most curious part is that this was the jury’s first choice and not the televoters’. But it makes sense – his vocals were… Read more »

Grifit
Guest
Grifit

Something’s wrong with meeee!! I actually like the song!!! jajajajajaja!! sorry it is too catchy, it is that guilty pleasure of every year (“Everybody Dance” Russia, “Alcohol is free” Greece)

Susan
Guest
Susan

I had to listen twice to try and figure out how he was making “boy” into several syllables. Sounded to me like he was saying “I don’t wanna be your toy behest today”, not that I have any idea what that would mean. What a creepy guy!

Nanda
Guest

Well… EBU will make him change it. Since Monetta could not sing Facebook, why could he sing Google Maps?

Anyway… They might not need it. Give it a feel days and they will announce a song change. As in the past 1 billion years

Padraig Muldoon
Admin

It’d be sleazy if the lyrics weren’t so ridiculous. Like what’s with the “heh…yeah” moment at 2:10? #Creep

Emma
Guest
Emma

It’s Belarus. The song *will* be changed or edited in some way.

Dar
Guest
Dar

I haven’t heard it .. I’ve just seen the lyrics .. And now I definitely don’t want to hear it .. Eastern Europe is off to a really bad start this year .

Ben Gray
Guest
Ben Gray

EBU may well ask him to change that reference to Google Maps, so this isn’t going to CPH as is.

Daniel
Guest
Daniel

He was at least one of the few Belarusians were I understood almost the whole lyrics. Hope that they won’t replace that song. It’s great!!!

Joyce
Guest
Joyce

Not only are the lyrics terrible, but his english is also terrible:))

Paul
Guest
Paul

They weren’t the worst on the night though

June
Guest
June

Hahaha xD It’s funny, I don’t know what should I say, I just laugh…:D